Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Yule and Covet

Various clever and greedy bloggers have listed their ultimate fantasy I-don't-actually-expect-to-get-it-but-I-want! Christmas wish lists. And I will join them by wishing for:

Theatre tickets (often) and time to go.

A standing haircut appointment with a fabulous cutter, every 6 weeks.

One more hot slutty affair before having kids. My current bod is functional and I do love it. But I find the wrinkly belly offputting when plotting seduction. And time marches on. So just a jump back nine years and one (or three!) breathless pounces.

My own small apartment or cottage. In a well kept older apartment bldg or near a stand of trees. Very small, very easy to clean. Mine.

A horse and buggy. A groom and stable to keep him in of course. I’ll go driving on spring afternoons. And currycomb Dobbin when I’m feeling pensive.

Housewife status so I could walk the kids to school and pick them up every day. And volunteer there.

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The last reference to school brings me back to reality with a thump. My state's budget was $6 Billion. They had to cut a billion from it. They did and class sizes are larger this year at our elementary school. The state government expects to have to cut more than $350 million more. And more than half of Kansas state spending is for education. I'm appalled and frightened that my kids aren't going to get the fabulous retro public school education that is one of the central reasons that we are in this American bellybutton state.

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Since you asked, here is my approach to getting things done at the very end of the day. Tuck in time for the kids and I am rubbing my eyes and staggering with fatigue. If Katy calls me back to soothe away night fears or get her a drink of water, I have to make a concerted effort not to be brusque. It’s hard to be called back just after I’ve hung up my responsible adult hat for the night. Luckily she is almost always quickly settled. Lexi is even quicker to go to sleep. I know I am lucky that my children go to sleep quickly and sleep soundly. There are periods when I have to get up in the nights with them but it could be so much worse. And I would be so much more resentful and groggy.

But I am just averagely resentful and groggy and I go downstairs and get to do something I actually want to do, rather than *have* to do. Usually it’s eat a treat and read some novel or watch something. And then it’s time to do some chores (dishwashing, making lunches, laundry) or if I'm utterly done in, I decide to bag it and do my ablutions before turning in. If there are no desperate repercussions that will result from not doing chores then I say to myself, I just won’t do any tonight. It’ll have to wait until tomorrow. But then I might see one thing that would make my morning easier (wash one pot so I can cook oatmeal in the morning, for example) and if I do that then suddenly it’s easier to do a few more things. Hm, that pot was quick and I already have a soapy scrubber, I could just do two more bowls and clear this half of the sink.

So that’s my strategy for getting things done when I’m tired. 1) State that I will *not* do anything. 2) Compromise on doing *just one* thing. 3) Feel a sense of accomplishment and energy and realize that it won’t hurt to do some more. Then it’s important to remember to stop. If I keep going and get a full-on energy burst happening then it gets too late and I get too awake and suffering follows the next day. Ambition is to be kept tightly reined in.

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I've just had to stop reading a mystery novel that is all series package, with not much good writing inside. Murder in the Marais by Cara Black. She's written a series of novels each set in a different Parisian neighborhood. But one quarter through the first one I think it will be my last. Her handling of the French setting and characters written about in English isn't very deft. Then our protagonist dressed up in black leather and spiky hair and drew nazi "tattoos" on herself with marker in order to crash a neo-Nazi meeting. Unconvincing! I was almost rooting for the neo-Nazi's to beat her up. Last night I realized that a certain passage of dialogue between the private detective and her police contact reminded me of the voice actors for low budget Japanese anime. Too much exposition! Delivered in a gruff but personality-less American accent! Such a good attractive idea, a series of mysteries set in the districts of Paris. But I will steer you to Fred Vargas for the Parisian mystery vibe with plenty of urban village atmo, great characters with distinct voices, and a satisfying melancholic tang.

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Looking at rental listings has started to put the fear in me about moving. The uncertainty and impermanence of residence is haunting me a little.

4 comments:

Bee said...

Camille was looking over my shoulder and had a good guffaw (or was it a chortle) at your cat picture. I don't think she read down to the hot slutty affair bit, though. I also wonder why I felt it necessary to get married at such a young age.

I understand, completely, why you want that little cottage.

The Subtle Rudder said...

Mmm, breathless pounces. That sounds lovely.

It's funny, all my married friends dream of a room of one's own. But me, I long for a fuller household, with the vibrant dash and mess of other people.

Nimble said...

Bee, well I'm glad I didn't head the list with that one anyhow.

TSR, interesting to hear that it's a common plaint of the coupled. I feel like now that I've had the arms of little children twining 'round my neck I could actually appreciate a little solitude. Earlier in my life I would have cluttered it all up and not been able to keep a place neat. But after going through what I think of as baby bootcamp I know I could.

Not that I'm headed for the hills now. Perhaps I'm envisioning a future phase. Or just a plain old hankering for the reverse of what I've got. Whatever's exotic.

amenaneri said...

I love your wish list--each one such a vivid fantasy, each so unique, modern, retro. I still think you're a hot chick, wrinkly tummy and all, your body is very lovable--bring on the hot slutty affair. Or maybe just the quiet room of your own, or just a horse and buggy.

I'm home in NM, and helped my mom cater the reception for Katie F.'s grandmother and aunt's (died within a month of each other) memorial service today. KF is great, and I've steered her to your blog, as she was fondly remembering you. She's threatening to come visit us in SF, and I'm probably getting drinks with her and Rita Henins tomorrow! Very odd to see her formerly crushworthy brother as a late 40's father of 2 or 3....what a difference 27 years makes!

And then, in a weird art meets life meets art moment, mom and I went to see Brothers which had a memorial service filmed in the good old United Church! And much other LA outdoorsy location shots. Very fun to play find the location, although it was a quite sad dramatic movie. Worth a look though...3 of my favorite young actors.

I really wish you were going to be here this Christmas.