Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Shied away

I'm treating myself like a spooked animal right now. Trying to move slowly and take advantage of all the helpful supports I can find. I came home from work last Friday under a black cloud and didn't get all the way out from under until Monday morning. Last week I was wrangling confidentiality issues and HR actions and a tool that did not work as expected. It was diplomatically dicey. My manager was out of town and so I was left feeling like I needed to go to confession or argue with imaginary high muckety mucks that my actions had all been logical and correct. Or at least well-intentioned and constructive. Nod said "you're vibrating" and I was, all weekend, with spots of feeling like a failure generally and specifically. It was sunny, there was a surprise snow dusting Sunday morning. Nod and I went for an anniversary bike ride that was lovely. There was yoga and swimming and sad basketball game watching. But I couldn't shake that dread entirely. Monday my manager was back and it was clear that no blowback was coming my way so I could settle those fears. I called Nod while walking the dog in the snow yesterday to tell him the good news. Not being fired! It's a wonderful day! (It was just a little wet March snow, could easily have been rain, it was very pretty coming down.)

I need to get back in communication with far flung friends and that sounds really hard, I failed at it all last week. Danish, if you're reading, big congrats on your new job and I am sorry that the Baker has been battling the hbp. I have been thinking of you and will call/email/text/mail boxtops or something soon. I need to buy that plane ticket and email/talk with the college friends about lodging.

Speaking of lodging and relief, on Friday Nod made us a reservation for a place to stay in Crete! Such good news. Now he's looking at renting a car and reports that they all seem to be stick shift. We both drive stick but I know scads of Americans who don't. I wonder if Euro car sales are still majority standard transmission?

I will continue to keep my self-talk soothing and warm. Sometime in the future I'll feel resilient. In the good news column, I have the next sexy wolf novel to keep me company.


Lucy said...

Take heart, all will be well, soon your wobble will be a thing of the past. It gives me some reassurance that people like you, who seem to me to be formidable and well in control of life, still don't always feel resilient either!

I think most European cars are still manual transmission, but quite a few here aren't, a friend has an automatic, by choice I think and I don't think it was too hard, don't know about Greece though.

Nimble said...

Thanks! onward and upward

Zhoen said...

So hard to have work issues preying on one's mind over a weekend. Exhausting.

I find a quick hi to friends works amazingly well.