Nimble Pundit

2012-01-20T07:46:00.000-08:00

Bitter cold now. Why yes, it *is* mid January. A co worker just told me it's supposed to be down to 3F overnight. ("Single digits" as we say, overdramatizing the arbitrary measurement we're using.) (But it's supposed to warm up again to at least the low 50s next week so overall the warm dry winter trend continues.) I thought about running errands last night but a quickie to take Katy to choir practice and Lexi to the library was all I could do. Then I had to go home and put on fuzzy warm layers. Outgoingness postponed.

Featherheads. The kids in town (or at least at our elementary school) are wild about wearing a feather in their hair. Mostly girls but not exclusively. Lexi got one last weekend at a birthday party and Katy immediately had to have her own. We stumbled across some in Walgreens. She picked something small and cute. I guess I was fearing something bigger and more Cher. We've washed Lexi's hair with it in once already, it doesn't seem to have harmed it. Katy's is on a clip and that seems more practical to me. Sometimes in the wind Lexi's feather stands straight up, very funny.

We're giving Anne of Green Gables a try, reading aloud at bedtime. I know, it's a true children's classic but I've never read it before so I'm taking its measure. I am a little out of breath after Chapter 2, Anne certainly can talk the hind leg off a donkey. I like that Chapter 2 is titled Matthew Cuthbert Is Surprised. And Chapter 3 is titled Marilla Cuthbert Is Surprised. Is Marilla a variation on Maria? Hm, some random babyname website tells me it's a variation of Amaryllis.

For non-kid-related reading I have just finished Thank You, Jeeves by Wodehouse. I hadn't read it before and that was a treat. I was even able to follow all the plot swerves. Sometimes I think those are so piled on that I can't keep track of what six different characters are doing in the middle of the night in the country house. The interchangeable use of nigger and Negro to describe a visiting minstrel group was alarming. I would support a mild bowdlerization in favor of the acceptable word. I've given up on The Crown of Silence after a vision quest y thing in the middle where our protagonist met the winter king sacrificed for the life of the land and blah blah blah. I think I'll read the R.A. MacAvoy Lens of the World trilogy again to get some good fantasy in my brain. But just at the moment I am reading A Red Herring Without Mustard by Alan Bradley. It jumped off the shelf at me and I can't put it down yet. It's his third Flavia de Luce mystery. I read the second after spurning the first for being too popular. But I really should get back and read that one too (The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie which sounded to me like some sort of southern American chick lit thingie which of course it isn't.)

Sky joy

2012-01-10T14:56:00.000-08:00

I saw the full moon setting in the western sky this morning. It was a white ball through the window, through branches. I wished I could go drive to a good vantage point and watch it all the way to the horizon. Instead I took a shower and herded my chicks and got on with the day.

Last week I came out of my building after work and saw the tail of the great sky peacock flying east. There was a wedge shape of clouds, narrow in the northeast widening over my head. It was lace made up of small puffs of clouds against a mauve sky making up the tail pattern. The clouds were picking up color from the just-set sun.

Last Friday I took the girls and a sleepover friend to the playground after dark. The moon was nearly full and we didn't need the big clunky flashlight we took. There were clouds moving around and a moonbow that came and went. At one point there was an oval opening through which I saw the three stars of Orion's belt. Impossible dream job -- getting paid to watch the sky. Exclusively on dry days and nights of course. Lexi suggested astronomy. I like looking at the atmosphere (as well as the heavenly bodies) and astronomers are generally trying to see beyond it. And I don't care enough about the mass of Saturn.

Back to earth
Everyone is bizarrely healthy this winter. Is it because the weather is so mild? Or have the kids gotten past their most germoriffic years? The act of writing this down may cause one or more of us to start suffering a viral attack. But it's too pronounced not to be noticed. Katy did have a big ugly cold sore on her lip over xmas break. I wonder where she got that bug. I don't think I have that particular herp. I guess we'll need to be more vigilant about shared cups and chapstick. Sorry kid.

Nod and Katy went mudlarking again down on the river sandbanks. They brought back some stones (we will never run out) and a rusty bolt that they said was a railroad spike. I spent that morning at home with Lexi in my pjs and enjoyed it quite a bit.

We were running late this morning as is often the case. I left the housekey in the deadbolt and told Katy to lock up and meet us at the car. But she came down the walk with unhappy noises coming out of her, she couldn't get the key out after locking. We are approaching a time when I will be willing to leave the girls at home by themselves for small stints. I think we need to have a key/lock practice session and see how that goes.

I'm reading a fantasy novel, Storm Constantine's The Crown of Silence. It's pretty good but may be not quite as entertaining as her name all by itself. Against my intentions I started with the middle book of a trilogy. Concerned noise.

Turning up my nose

2012-01-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

Don't make me...
Recently read recipe title: Roasted winter squash salad. It sounds absolutely unappealing.

But I have an eggplant aging in my fridge and here's an eggplant roasting technique that has my attention. Broil slices that have been oiled, salted and peppered. (#@)& the salting and draining first approach. Life is too short to do extra eggplant wrangling. If your eggplant is bitter throw it out and eat something else.

Smitten's mushroom bourguignon recipe is also beckoning to me. So I haven't lost my yen for food. I'm just finding that certain suggestions do not meet my needs.

I'm snacking on the Homesick Texan blog list this afternoon. Thank goodness for a substantial trove to pick through. I tried The Pioneer Woman's list but those blogs are mostly about food beauty shots and cuteness. But I am such a liar, here's a carne asada taco recipe that I got from one of them. The same blog has lots of recipes for cookies stuffed with other cookies. Leaving me baffled here. I require only one layer of cookie.

Ooh here's another one for my never-make-this list: Sweet potato and pecan fudge.
What a grump.

Something I'm excited about. There are things. I'm excited. And positive. Sometimes.

Black tea is high on my list of good things right now. Small sewing projects are making me happy. Mostly I've been patching the kids' clothes in creative ways. Katy has fewer things being the pioneer child in the larger sizes. Lexi has lots and lots of handmedowns while Katy is on the bleeding edge with her 7s and 8s. And she's hard on the knees of her leggings. I am looking forward to patching a knee tonight.

Should I go see Girlyman next Friday? I'm on the fence. Probably it'll sell out...

Something else bloggy to be wildly excited about: http://www.thirteenthbabyopossum.com/ This is Kymm's site where she is "Reviewing Every Single Thing Imaginable in 2012". Yes, she has opinions and enthusiasm. You don't want to miss it.

The grab bag approach continues

2011-12-29T14:56:00.000-08:00

Here's a phrase that surfaces sometimes when I'm thinking about doing things I don't want to do or trying to move gracefully through the world: complete the gesture. If I washed a load of clothes and dried them and pulled them out on the floor in front of the drier -- I should probably fold them and put them away. I'll be happier when it's done and my floor is clear. Complete the gesture; get to the end of my original intention. I'll acknowledge that grace is not always achievable in this life and that sometimes the fucking laundry (thanks Weet) can just stay on the floor while I attend to other urgent matters. But my default setting is way-laid-back when it comes to housework and arranging my immediate surroundings. I need fortification when it comes to getting things shipshape.

We've kept the house fairly picked up for Christmas and my mother-in-law's stay. It could use another session of all four of us picking up everything we see on the floor in the living room. Maybe tonight! What can I use for bribes? Vacuuming hasn't become commonplace but there's hope for more often than quarterly.

Elaine was an enthusiastic guest as usual. She washed many dishes and listened to the kids explain lots of things. She gave me the book I'd asked for (Yay! Hats for cats!) and money and gave Nod an extravagantly expensive Columbia coat that he asked for. It's red and black and he looks just one red cross patch away from ski patrol when he puts it on. We ventured out to Cabela's the day after Christmas to find a hat for his extra large head. They had a few brimmed wool hats left and a few of those were extra large. He ended up with a good looking Pendleton crushable in black. I favor brown or olive but after all, the black goes with his new coat. Everyone and his dog was at Cabela's -- lots of returners and whole families wandering, some crying babies and toddlers. We peered at the giant catfish, looked briefly at the gun library (love that name), the girls fed the other kind of fish (sorry, I didn't inquire) and we got the hell out of there. It was the mall experience I didn't have before xmas. And that'll do thanks.

Coming into the airport parking garage somehow Elaine and I got to talking about past Republican presidents and the comparative speaking abilities of GBs I and II. We agreed that we didn't appreciate GB I's ability to string together coherent sentences until we met the next one. She suggested that the elder's honorable military service also made a refreshing contrast to every other president after him. I felt that that was leading us down a path we couldn't agree on and made a vague noise. Katy asked whether Reagan was a good president and I said It depends on who you ask, then I wondered if that would offend. I think Elaine said something about him having done good things for the country. And that was enough of that.

We had a fab turkey on xmas day. 11# is small for a turkey. I dry brined it (see the LATimes for instr) in two days and it cooked fairly quickly and was great. I'm going to try and remember to stick with small. We are still working on it but have made much progress. I asked Nod this morning if I could chop and freeze the remainder of the meat but he stayed my hand. Maybe turkey enchiladas...? I made the gravy later in the day after the feast. Nod doesn't care about gravy so there was no pressure from him. I love it but I find it a time consuming process that demands much attention and drives me bonkers if I try to do it after getting everything else ready. Now finished, it is delicious. Once it went into the fridge it geled because of all the gelatin from the roasted bird. I love to lather it onto the bread for my turkey sandwiches.

But actually I am now in the mood for lasagne and have decided to double my recipe and do two at a time, one meat and one veggie only. That way everyone in the fam is happy and there will be enough to freeze for later. And it's enough of a production that I'll be happy to get twice the finished product.

We sent a birthday card signed by lots of neighbors to Maria, the girl from Brazil who lived here for almost two years with her parents. She and Katy have been emailing a lot lately. One day she and Katy were online at the same time and so got to send short msgs back and forth for instant replies. K cried this morning when I was shooing her off the computer. Maybe you don't know what it's like to have a best friend who lives all the way in Brazil! she wailed. I guess not, at least not exactly. I decided to hold my tongue and be sympathetic. K is having some more pangs that look like adolescence lately.

Katy is also bored at school and I don't know what the best approach is. Language seems like a good target. She and some friends have been learning some ASL at Boys & Girls Club (college student teacher and deaf classmate are helping). Favorite sign: bacon. We're also going to check into some French classes that a schoomate is doing. We looked at one of my old elem. French textbooks but it doesn't look like the place to start.

On our drive back from the airport Katy said that she heard that several girls in her grade started their period this year and two started last year during third grade. I said that it could happen any time after 8 (! god that seems unlucky to have to deal with that mess from the age of 8) but that probably it would happen when they're around 12 since that's the age that I and their maternal grandmother started. I also said that I didn't know when Elaine had started her periods and I didn't really want to ask her. I think it's been a couple of years since I did the last session of body maturation/sex facts talk. Lexi had forgotten what a period was so we reviewed. She asked about the sex ed book I'd checked out from the library so we'll get that one again. Good to refresh and see what new questions come up.

Short

2011-12-21T13:35:00.000-08:00

If it is raining in the evening and the temperature drops overnight, the rain can turn to snow. A thin layer of ice may cover your car making it hard, or even impossible to open the doors. That's what I thought had happened this morning. No amount of banging on the doors helped. So we scraped ice off the Subaru (I was able to get those doors open with thumping) and were just a little late to school / work. Since I took the Sub and couldn't open the Mazda I had no parking pass. Of course I had a parking ticket when I left at noon. And then I went home to see if the Mazda had thawed. It had. But I also noticed that I needed to UNLOCK it in order to get in. The fact that it's locked being another reason that car doors might not open. I will be paying a $25 stupidity ticket to the venal grasping Parking Office.

I was a cooking rockstar and made roasted chicken wings and thighs and a potato leek parmesan frittata last night. I mailed my mom's bday giftie pkg today. Such accomplishments. I'm twiddling thumbs at work waiting for the five bell to ring.

The kids and I have been watching some Glee. They like it. I do too but it is short attention span theatre and not very appropriate, to use that popular parenting word. I told Katy last night that I was taking it back to the library before her grandma arrives. I just don't want to watch that with Elaine.

There is a picture of some people dressed up as the 3 Magi for a living nativity in this post. As noted in the comments, the secret to good magi is always funny hats. To immediately contradict this rule, Katy won't have a very funny hat, she has a costume-crown-looking crown. But as she's the ittiest Wise Man she's funny enough without.

Do you have a glow? It's lovely and sunny today here for the shortest day. Happy Solstice to all. And around we go again.

Late but not out

2011-12-20T12:50:00.000-08:00

Minutiae. I haz it. This noon I went home with a to do list. I didn't get to the birthday present shopping for my mother that I wanted to do. These were the things that had to be done:

Gas in car (it was doing that almost stalling thing it does when the tank gets low. Nod says it's a pressure sensor that needs to be replaced. Keeping the tank above half full works too.)
Find phone (I forgot it this morning and hoped the school would not need to reach me for child crisis. I wasn't very worried because they do have my work number too. I found the bugger next to the tv where I had left it last night after watching Wallander*.)
Take pill (tetracycline for my acne, I do not need to miss any pills.)
Bedding in washer (Lexi and I are a symbiont pair as she doesn't wake up to take herself to the bathroom in the night. Sometimes we're in sync and the bed stays dry. Sometimes I sleep all the way through the night (decadence!) or don't wake up at the right time, and the bed gets wet. We're having a wet week so far.)
Email teachers (I needed to tell them that I will pick the kids up on Thurs afternoon instead of having them go to the after-school program.)
Pluck (my whiskers are asserting themselves)

I got it all done (except for the plucking, whiskers bring luck, don't they?) and ate my lunch. I'm rather proud of scrabbling my way up to minimum standards.

*I'm watching some of the Wallander episodes, Swedish police procedural mysteries. Starring a grumpy rumpled Branaugh. The sort of thing I like to read. I'm not liking the dramatization as much as I expected to. Nothing wrong with it except for some predictability. I may abandon in midstream.

Gifties. Here's what I've got.
Nod: a box of 100 bits. M&Ms for stocking. I will give him an empty box to represent the hat we'll look for after xmas.
Need to get: nothing although I may get him the glow-in-the-dark frisbee he asked for

Katy: green converse sneakers, black leggings, From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler, little rainbow sketch book and star candies for stocking, calendar to share with her sister, goofy panda hat (she picked out the last two).
Need to get: pair of earrings, silver chain if I can find one for not much, stocking toy?

Lexi: Fairy book, little rainbow sketch book and star candies for stocking, Littlest Pet Shop thingie (that she picked out)
Need to get: something cute!, silver chain if I can find one for not much, stocking toy?

Elaine: gloves, empty hat box like Nod.
Need to get: pie plate (she asked for this)? Or?

Georgia, for birthday on the 28th: card, produce bag with asparagus on it, recommendation for Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant, CD of our neighbor's sweet music.
Need to get: another asparagus thingie? magnet? it needs to happen tonight so I can box it and then mail tomorrow.

Need to do in order of direness: Georgia, Lexi, Elaine, Katy, Nod.

I really should start sooner next year.

Food and Music

2011-12-16T10:05:00.000-08:00

Braised cabbage by the braising expert Molly Stevens, thank you! When I announced my intention to braise cabbage, my husband made a face and asked whether this would stink up our house for the day. I said that he was free to leave if it did. But the dish cooks for two hours covered in the oven to start. Then goes under the broiler for the last bit when it's already mellow. So no stink at all and it was so good I had a hard time sharing.

I'd like to make ginger snaps. I've intended to all week long but there hasn't been a lot of extra time/energy. I can't quite get all the way to gingerbread people although my kids are ready to make some. Maybe next week.

"Oh my God! What is wrong with that apple!" Katy's heartfelt response to Lexi's apple pomander that she brought home recently. It is not a lovely object, studded with black cloves and sort of dented. I thought pomanders were made with oranges (that keep longer than apples). But it does smell good. We may re-purpose it to make cider soon.

I found a bird carcase in the freezer and made broth a week ago. Its size and perfume told me that it was last year's T'giving turkey. Thrifty! At least it got used in the end. The broth boiled quite vigorously and turned out cloudy so I'm not expecting anything great. JOC tells me (I consulted it after the fact, boo hiss) that the secret to lovely clear broth is keeping the heat down to a simmer. Okay, next time (scuffs toe). I'm hoping that sitting in the fridge has allowed some stuff to settle out anyway. I will use it to make this. More cabbage. It's a soup from Scotland but the cabbage theme makes me feel that the older I get the more eastern european I become.

Katy's 4th and 5th grade music program was last night. After last spring's waste of everyone's time I was a bit apprehensive. But I knew that Katy was accompanying one song on piano and that she'd worked very hard to get ready. The music teacher is new this year, a cute young person who plays flute in a rock band and has an easier time getting the kids' attention. (Honestly the retiring music teacher last year looked like she had one foot in the grave, poor woman.) And I was bowled over. It was delightful. The kids were tuned in and enjoyed the music -- almost everybody on almost every song. Katy had one performance under her belt because they sang for the school that afternoon. "I didn't make any mistakes," she bragged. "I felt hot and then I shivered before we started," she told me. We talked a little bit about adrenaline. You lived through it! I said. And she did great in the evening. The music teacher got choked up at the end and told the audience, You have the *best* kids! and she implored us to keep them involved in music. Aw. The electric bass soloist on Clapton's "If I Could", Olive, sort of stole the show for me. Aside from being terribly proud of Katy. I guess I'm allowed to leak a few tears at this sort of parent bait. I'm just a big squishy mom after all.

Neither food nor music: the war in Iraq is over. I heard that. Mostly I keep reading people who talk about knowing it was a bad idea to begin with. For me I had much more mixed emotions and opinions. I'm not proud of it but I wanted the USA to punish someone for 9-11. It was a common attitude that explains much of what happened. What I am glad about is that the US national mood does not seem so belligerent now. I'm sure there's plenty of ugliness in the storeroom should we need it. But we do seem to have worked that out of our system. Would it have been better to... Who are you kidding? There are no do overs. The decisions got made for good or ill. Here's to an abundance of caution when it comes to military action overseas. Did you know that the US Embassy in Bagdad is enormous and seems to be full of FBI and CIA operatives? I learned that today. Provocative and possibly unwise...

Itty bits

2011-12-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

My tongue hurts. I have an inflamed tastebud. I don't know if it's caused by the same viral or bacterial thing that happens with mouth ulcers. The pain is similar. This one is in the middle of my tonge, just to the right of the midline. I don't feel it all the time. And yet I'm writing about it. Begone tiny ailment!

Our christmas tree is perfect. I catch my breath when I come down the stairs and see it lit up. I am really liking the idea of the tree as the sacrifice to the holiday this year. I'm over any scruples as to killing a tree for my pleasure. It is after all a beautiful, compostable, symbolic object. So much family history is on it, as well as shiny stuff.

Katy's music program at school is this Thursday. She is accompanying the singers on piano. I don't think she really has control of the piece but she's worked something up and I think it'll be good. She has been practicing regularly, and not freaking out much. I hope that part is a formative experience.

I'm two thirds of the way through Soon I Will Be Invincible. I like it quite a bit but keep expecting it to be shorter. The comic book motif just has me in the mood for a quickie read I guess. I greatly admire the layers and layers of hero/villain convention. The Nancy Mitford twofer of The Pursuit of Love and Love in a Cold Climate was sweet. I may buy some of her other novels to keep in reserve, just in case I need something fluffy and British and vintage.

Next Monday is the 19th so that gets my attention and I am doing a little bit of holiday sweating. I am sending some cards, the family photo turned out fine. I am trying to find something for my mother and my mother in law. I just found a cute bag printed with asparagus on etsy. That may be it for G.

Such quotidian smallness. That's what I've got right now. And I'll take it.

Into the cave

2011-12-06T12:21:00.000-08:00

On Sunday I found myself unwilling to leave my house even though I wasn't doing anything very interesting at home. It took my youngest daughter's personal invitation to come join in Christmas tree trimming to get me up and out. (Nod was the one who sent her, he knows I like that sort of thing.) I was glad I went. When I came home I finished cooking for potluck and then I poured myself a very deliberate glass of wine to help with the socializing. Later I realized that I have a touch of the blues. I'm having circular thoughts about fading away, becoming a nonentity who no one will ever want to converse with again. Just typing that makes me get on that mental train again. But even if I am sleep inducingly boring at times I am still a human and I am still full of possibilities. Watch out! Seasonal and hormonal fluctuations be damned. I'm going to get my short sword and light the lantern and let's get on the way down this winter passage. No way out but through.

I've been tearing through Nancy Mitford's The Pursuit of Love and Love in a Cold Climate which I have together in one handy volume from the library. I am enjoying myself and reading bits about Uncle Matthew out to Nod who has listened patiently. The narrator thinks one should not raise children without a nanny. She observes that progressive don's wives who do so slowly become morons and their children look like slum children and behave abominably. There's plenty of distance between these (fictional) landed English weirdos and the rest of us.

We're going to get a Christmas tree, the one in the Common House is not enough. I have a new notion of where to put it. So I need to shift the tv stand and take all the VHS tapes down to the basement tonight. Maybe I can get the living room vacuumed although after 8 weeks of not I'll be more surprised if I do. We did make some noticeable progress with the basement over the weekend. And Katy thinks we should rearrange the dishes and glasses so the kids can reach them. She's right. They can unload the dishwasher if we do so. It could even be fun. It is good to feel in charge of the objects around one rather than at their mercy.

Red Rocks

2011-12-02T14:28:00.000-08:00

We did it! Drove to Denver and back and got a good visit in the middle all in slightly over four days. It was a good proof that we can do such things. Maybe Wry will come out and bring his boys some time to visit us.

It's been almost a week since we've been back and the short days and holiday amp up have kicked my butt. But I'm getting through my Friday and I've started my period and onward!

We had a great time seeing wildlife on this trip. A friend who lives on the west side of Denver showed us the prairie dog towns at the edges of her burb. The critters were fat and active and those dusty fields were such busy places. The most populous fields were the grounds of the federal prison. No trees, good sight lines and black tailed prairie dogs are federally protected. A marriage made in heaven. As we were driving back and stopped at a light Katy sang out -- "aren't those bald eagles?" And damn! there were two eagles on the ground to our left, about 40 yards away. One was busily eating what we assume to be a prairie dog. Circle of life!

We saw deer and antelope. The pronghorns were a first for Nod, he was delighted. They were browsing in a stubbly field in the morning as we headed west out of Denver. I have seen them often in Colo, Utah in rockier country.

Allison took us to a great hiking trail. We made it up to the top of a ridge which allowed the kids plenty of rock climbing (both of them were almost baying with their desire to climb ) and left us still alive. I smelled a beautiful pine tree and it was vanilla ponderosa flavor. Mmmm. We were pooped after the high alt hiking. Drove over to Red Rocks Ampitheater since it was right there. I've heard about that place since high school when Angie Lee went to see U2 there. Still jealous. She was lucky to have a big brother, I'll bet that's why she got to go. The photo above is the southern view of the big stripey rocks. Thank you to the photographer I ganked it from. It is a gorgeous place. The sun was starting down and the kids were whiny so we just peeked over to see the seats and stage before scramming. I'm glad I saw it. And really I'm glad to have seen it without 20000 other humans to wade through.

The T'giving meal was great. My bro and his companion Jennifer toiled hard to bring the traditional meal to table. I miscalculated and had a little of all four desserts. I know now that I should have saved dessert for breakfast. As it was I felt a bit like an anaconda trying to digest a small goat. We had beautiful weather, got to get outside every day. Wry is doing okay and has his shared parenting routine and the boys seem well. We played a very retro board game: Payday. It has fabulous mid-seventies graphics. Wry said it's too much like real life (you get bills all the time and try to make it to Payday! every month) but the kids liked it. There was a lot of staring at skateboarding games.

Stay well and keep lighting candles. Then don't forget to blow them out. I'm starting to think that I need to set a timer every time I light candles. Realizing that I've walked away from them again! gives me the willies.

Friday Slaw

2011-11-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

It's Friday so I must be trolling for blog posts and pouting that my favorite writers aren't busy posting twice today. Fussy and Box Elder are coming up to snuff for NaBloPoMo so I don't know what I have to complain about. Oh and this from The Bloggess made me almost shriek with giggles at work. Pout be gone.

Goddam, someone in my office is wearing perfume that from a distance smells like mosquito repellent. I guess I should be glad they're not right next to me. Which reminds me, our newest team member at work is a nice young man who smells like funky feet. Moment of pity. (Sad to say this reminds me of my high school boyfriend who was known to sometimes be not so fresh. High standards, girls, have taken me far.) I am hoping that the new job will buck him up and somehow that will translate into odor eaters. He's married with kids so I guess I can't hope for a new girlfriend to tame him. A minor thing so far.

Lexi's sold a bunch of girl scout cookies and now it's time to deliver them and collect the money. Here's hoping we can be efficient about this. Thanks to Nod's seasonal onset of timetoeateverything (I have a touch of it too) we're halfway through our first family box of Thanksalots. I'm thinking of going running when I get home tonight. It'll be almost dark, but the temp is nice right now...

The extended forecast looks good for driving to and from Colorado next week. What fun to be plotting a road trip. We need a motel reservation and a cat feeder.

Katy's getting holes in her earlobes tomorrow. Lexi is selling more cookies at the girl scout camp (who buys them? not my problem) and having lunch, etc. I'm delivering 2 pounds of deli roast beef with Lexi and then going away because I know I don't enjoy girl scout camp. I love that Lexi is seven and near to self sufficient. Nod has splashed out on some birthday prezzies for Katy, a new scooter and other stuff. You do only turn ten once. I think he and I had better have the budgeting for xmas talk this weekend. And I need to pick our most beautiful family photo and have a slew made. I'm sending them out this year. I swear.

Just heard about Fool by Christopher Moore which is a novel of the story of King Lear told from the fool's perspective. I haven't read anything by him and am very intrigued. I just finished The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. Very good and thought provoking. I loved the portrait of the town of Clover in southern Virginia, past Difficult Creek and near the River of Death (?!). Such a compassionate look at a family with so much stacked against them individually and collectively. Her afterword about the state of tissue ownership (what happens when you submit a sample to a lab for testing?) made me think that there will be development on that front in the next twenty years. Content about HPV and its cancer link reminds me that we're only a couple years away from getting Katy vaccinated. HPV is all around and I'm all for getting immunity to as many strains as they can manage.

It's 4:31 on Friday afternoon and the shuffling of feet is audible. Humdedum. The noise level here is quite high during the more well stocked parts of the workweek. I'm in a cube that is one of twenty with 4 foot "walls" in the middle of a large room. Mine is on the edge near the door so we have a lot of traffic. Occasionally we have to open the door when someone forgets their keycard. Recently the keycard system was replaced and now everyone in IT should have access so that's better. Two rows from me is a fellow who is quite entertaining but who has no 'quiet' setting. He regales the world with his opinions from the best beer to the degree of succulence of his midafternoon grapefruit. I still don't mind, it's a good change from too much quiet in the basement office I left behind.

Bottom of the peanut butter jar

2011-11-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

Trying to decide if I feel like a hungover grebe or coot this morning. (Oh my lord these coot babies are the ugliest things! Bright red bald pates like little frankenstein's monsters.) I remember watching the funny ugly coots at the Berkeley Marina. They seemed like grumpy little ladies in ratty black dresses. They have three toes instead of webbed feet; it's interesting to watch them pick their way along the rocks. They have an air of disapproval about them and generally don't look very deft. Coot it is!
Was there a kids choir rehearsal last night? I can't stop wondering. I took the kids to church last night with the snack I brought as a good participating parent. But no one was upstairs in the choir room and the lights were out. So we bagged and went to the library instead. Now I'm worried that the rehearsal was in the sanctuary and wish that we'd stuck our heads in to see if there was anyone over there. The urgency of these feelings is ridiculous and pointless. Let it go, brain.

I have done many things on my lists this week. And now I am tired and want to be done for a bit. But it's that time of year for more lists. I guess I could try delegating. I offered Katy a dollar to scoop the cat pan this morning. That worked okay. I wonder if Nod would do dishes/clean toilets for a dollar?

The kids are at the next door neighbor's house today. It's another in the long series of no school days in November. We had parent teacher conferences on Wed. We are lucky parents. I sometimes have felt close to tears when talking about my kids with their teachers. I am proud of them, I worry for them. Hell I feel some of the same feelings about the teachers too. What a vulnerable space school is. Nod was indulging in a big frosty glass of smug after our meetings. He said something about how we must not be doing too badly as parents. I told him to store that thought away for a rainy day. We have adolescence to come after all.

Katy is right on time being a tween now that she's turning ten. She's got her own fashion sense (all leggings all the time). She drives her teachers a little crazy because she works so fast and asks for more to do all the time. She saves her pointless defiance for us (flipflops are *too* shoes, I *know* I need to [do anything we remind her to do], etc.) But that's a minority of the time and cheerful competence reigns mostly. Crossing my fingers, knocking on wood.

Lexi my sweet cupcake is the easiest of all easies. Surprisingly she failed the eye exam at school. Earlier she failed her hearing test because she had a sinus infection. Guess that wouldn't affect your eyes. Noone's noticed her squinting or having trouble and she doesn't report any eye problems. She told me that she doesn't like eye exams so that may explain the inconclusive results there. I need to read the school nurse's note to see what hoops we need to jump through to get her retested. I will cheerfully purchase glasses for her if it is demonstrated that she needs them.

My MIL is trying to figure out how to be in two places at once over Christmas and new year's. She's been asked by both of her sons to come for the holidays. Nod won't return her calls this week (one of his less admirable traits). So last night she spoke with me and I tried to understand the problem. I gave her our dates and told her that we will love to see her whenever she can come: Christmas, new year's, or spring break when the weather might not be horrible. I can't solve it for her so I hope she can make a decision. And that Nod will call her back this weekend.

Rising Falling

2011-11-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

Good gravy you should be reading the Adventures in the Pointless Forest blog. Not only does it have that title (reference to one of my favorite elementary school films), Redfox also has a one year old to entertain you and a Riker-playing-trombone gif. Another gift for the TNG fans among us, nostalgia fighting with our embarrassment, a link to Fashion It So.

I also admire her funny and not boring description of a recent dream. Having heard too many dream recountings by my nine year old lately I know that this is a rare achievement. Most dream retelling makes me want to sing the 12 Days of Christmas in order to stop the relentless flow of random images. And having said that I will now describe the dream that I woke up with on Wednesday. I was given a flying device. Like a rocket broom -- a pole to straddle with controls, no bristles. Soon I was soaring over a seaside city. But the device kept stalling and I had to restart it, with a two part button pushing technique. Sort of hard to do while falling But! I could also fly on my own power with an effort of concentration. So I was flying and falling and flying and it was pretty cool. It left me with a good dose of adrenaline in my system when I woke up. Flying in dreams is supposed to be sex but it sort of felt like my peformance at work these days, winging it and trying to be effective with varying results adding up to majority successful.

Nod just had a brainwave about Thanksgiving and we have asked if we can invite ourselves to my brother's place near Denver. Brother Wry said let's do it. We haven't ever been out to visit him yet. Both Nod and I find this an exciting plan! We'll have to watch the weather though and be prepared to scotch our travel if needed. The east part of Kansas where it meets the west part of Colorado is famous blizzard territory. If we can get there I'll bet we can go sledding. My search for snowboots for Katy continues this weekend. Fun road trip adventure ahoy.

Just realized that my flying dream may have something to do with another animated film: Castle in the Sky. Another Miyazake film to love. Plenty of flying things. And falling and rising. Wow it's old 1986. And weird and arty and thought provoking. The image of a young boy climbing up on his roof to play a bugle at sunrise while doves circle sounds twee to me but it was uplifting. Great soundtrack too.

Orange

2011-10-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

Three crows
Friday evening driving home. I watched three crows playing in the updrafts at the top of a tall apartment building. They would float down to land on the tv aerials (digital antennas?) then launch themselves into the draft again. Have fun crows!

Three letters
One nickname variant I hadn't expected for Lexi: Lex. Katy and her (oh so grown up at 10 years old) friends use that one. Logical by nickname conventions: shorten it til it can't be shortened any more (then abbreviate). And it means 'law' in Latin. Go Lexilu, law bringer. Or super villain.

Off the rack
I staggered into the Kohl's at ten til ten pm on Saturday night. I had been there earlier with my family but hadn't wanted to have them wait around while I tried on seventeen bras. The dressing room was nearly ankle deep in discarded intimate garments. I had no luck with the 36 Bs I had pulled. Then I tried a 36C and the angels sang. I seem to have gone up a cup size. This puzzles me. I measured a few years ago when bras weren't fitting so great. And I was definitely a 36B at that time. I have gone down in weight a little bit since getting a new more stressful job. I definitely haven't been packing on the pounds on my chest. The bras I chose are more mature too, I am entering breastplate territory. It's good to have reinforcements.

When my mother was here we went clothes shopping and each found a few things. I bought a new pair of Dockers because my khaki trousers are all getting a little worn. I am now wearing a garment that reads inside the waistband: "Banish the blah. Bring on the wow!" I am nonplussed. I should specify that this cheerleading script is printed on the special layer of flab-retaining elastic. I looked in the mirror but found only my fine-but-not-wow waistline. I shall have to make an effort not to read my stupid pants anymore.

Pumpkins
Nod suggested a last minute drive out to the pumpkin patch to get a few more since our jackolanterns have drooped in the warm weather. I rolled my eyes and said that I was done carving pumpkins for this season. We've already lit the candles twice, it's been fun. Katy's Batgirl costume came out better than I expected. She cut out her big chest logo bat, found the fingerless gloves and made the batarangs herself. She put it all on with her hot pink Converse sneakers yesterday and it was great! Lexi's Tooth Fairy costume is adorbs. no shock. We warned her that dim adults might not recognize what kind of fairy she is so she's ready to inform people. Walmart had fairy wings for $5 and that seemed like a fair price for not having to build any myself. There was a kid Halloween party yesterday afternoon and trickortreating tonight.

Nothing but keys

2011-10-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

Keys please
You may enjoy this discussion of mechanical computer keyboards (as opposed to keyboards that use switches). I had no idea that tough old IBM keyboards had a whole following. Noise differences are reported: multiple wives who can't stand the clackety power of some of these keyboards. I can relate. Nod had been using a keyboard with a broken shift bar for years. It still worked but had lost its spring so every time it was pushed it hit with extra loudness. One could make quite a self righteous racket on that thing.

More keys
With my mother in town I gathered my patience and courage and went to the Verizon store to get a new phone. I expected crap service but we lucked out and Graham was there to shepherd me quickly yet gently to my new Samsung. It's been more than four years and my phone was approaching heritage status. It still worked fine but had no keyboard. Texting between Nod and myself was an uneven fight. Nod: several sentences ending with a question. Nimble: four word reply heavy on abbreviation. Nod: more questions. Nimble: calls Nod. Now I have this shiny blue number with a slide out keyboard for when I want to elucidate and shift and all that jazz. I bit the bullet and switched to a local area code too. I am slowly going through the address list and distributing my new digits.

Latchkey
Katy is turning ten next month. She suggested that she should be able to be at home unsupervised after school. I'm willing to negotiate that next school year but not for this one. More discussion to come.

Question of the day: black cotton

2011-10-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

Is there anything better than old black cotton pants? I can't think of it. The ones I'm wearing are showing only slight signs of wear. But I have the feeling that I'd better start keeping an eye out for their successors. Memento mori works for clothes too.

Katy will participate tomorrow night in the Zombie Walk downtown. Some of her friends did it last year and they've gotten her all revved up about it. I have been resistant to her undead costume ideas for previous Halloweens. Just didn't really want to think about my little child as a blood thirsty fiend. But much like fashion disagreements, I have decided that H'ween costumes are not worth pitching a concerted battle about. So I'll probably help her dress up tomorrow and go watch her shamble.

It's beautiful weather right now and the leaves are starting to turn color. I walked with Lexi and the other kids and parents for Nat'l Walk to School Day this morning. We saw a layer of mist hovering in the ditch, very pretty. My hands were a bit numb when I got back. I've started working on a song entitled Fat Squirrels. All the local squirrelios are putting on their adipose overcoats and prepping for winter. I wouldn't mind being a squirrel in dry weather. I really feel sorry for them when it rains.

32 Days or so

2011-09-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

Whew. Yesterday I was soloing as my co worker took an extra day off before the Labor Day weekend. I had to ask for help two or three times to handle urgent matters. Everything got a response or seemed like it could wait until her return on Tues. I even got to read some blogs while I was waiting for the techs to finish updating my computer and give it back to me. What fun to read about Antonia's kitchen and her rediscovery that she can do things post-children. Godspeed! In my own attempts at doing things I am trying out jogging. So far I'm doing it every three or four days. I find that I can run very slowly and nothing bad happens (knees, feet, heart, all still attached). I have never understood running before but it's hard to beat as an accessory-less exercise experience.

Best parts of new job: money and buzz. It's a busy office with lots of people busily being busy. I still think it's a pretty absurd organization often lacking in diplomacy and common sense. But I'm really enjoying plunging in and helping them bail out all these leaky dinghies. Our recently hired Chief Info. Ofcr announced the exit of one of the two directors, effective yesterday. So there is much to observe and wonder at.

Worst part of new job: fruit flies in office. Goddamn I am tired of swatting at them ineffectually. I've killed about six in a month and I just don't think that's keeping up with their reproduction rate.

It was hot and then it was hot. But September is here, when we always cool down. There is a dip of northern air a-coming: Monday's forecast high here is 72. That doesn't make any sense to me so far. The excellent part of this is that Austin is going to have a high of 90 that day. They've been over a hundred for umptioodle days so far. My mother-in-law told me last night that 103 felt sort of reasonable (they had had ~112 for a few days). Come on coolness.

Mmm cold brew coffee. I do love thee.

I'm reading A Prayer for Owen Meany by Irving. I mentioned to the retired librarian we visit that I meant to re-read that someday. And she pressed it on me so now I feel that I must. I'm liking it but a little impatient. It's been years since I've read any Irving, he is a great flavor. After that I have the next Thursday Next book by Jasper Fforde Something Rotten to look forward to. I recently read his Shades of Grey and loved it. It's set in a postapocalyptic world in a society that is caste divided by what colors each group can perceive. Really cool imagining of daily life in a very static cooperative society that shuns technology in favor of everyone staying in their place. More Welsh in-jokes: one of the rediscovered pieces of technology turns out to have instructions written in Welsh. I was almost disappointed to realize at the end of the book that he is stringing that concept into a series as well. But I *will* read the next one and I suppose I can't begrudge him the sustainable economic model. That man can plot and plot. According to his page on Fantastic Fiction Fforde recommends The Vesuvius Club by Mark Gatiss. So that goes on my list as well. I love the Fantastic Fiction site, it's easy to use and has everything you want when you've found a great book and want to know what else that author has been up to.

I don't have time to read or write at work currently. So it's yet to be seen how the blog posting will pan out. Into the future!

Kiss my hand to August

2011-08-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

Saw Mac and Spouse Sunday evening. They came through town to see me on their drive back from fam reunion in Colorado to Boston. My girls loved their golden retrievers and vice versa it seems. Big teddy bears those dogs are. It was wonderful to spend some time with a good friend from long ago. They are submitting paperwork for adoption and seem to be on track for that. They are looking for a pair of siblings, under ten, not babies. They had lots of parenting questions for me. I wish them every good thing. We had tasty food at Zen Zero preceded by silly cocktails. Totally fun.

This was the weekend for Nod and I to have a married person date night. The girls both had sleepovers so we had time to commune. It was good.

A neighbor is watching the girls for us this week. I have to get their school enrollment forms to the elementary school office this week. Just have to complete the emergency contact info and it'll be ready. We did the arithmetic and realized that we are too rich for reduced school lunches, even on Nod's training pay rate. It's an accomplishment!

We leave on Saturday for Austin. Lord, I wonder what temps they are getting this week. We're forecast for 108 today. I predict lots of inside games. And snow cones. And ice cream. And iced tea. Maybe just lots of ice.

I am zooming through the Cazalet chronicles by Elizabeth Jane Howard. I'm two thirds through the fourth book and all I want to do is read it. I have some quibbles with a few of the plot developments and am thoroughly enjoying some that I know are a little too pat. Still good stuff. But on with other things. It's getting busier at work and I'm starting to learn to do a few things in my new position and now I get to straddle the two while everything hots up. Oh and I have a new laptop that I have to get configured, that's crappy timing. It always takes a few days of begging the tech folks for what you need and getting the right software/permissions set.

It's good to be employed. It's good to be almost over this summer cold. It's good to throw out one more update here before surfing the August tidal wave. I've given up on hoping for better cooler weather. I know it can't be expected until mid September. Here's to more contemplation then.

Flinch

2011-07-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

My new position is starting up. There are a great many things to be learned and practiced. I have started doing half days there although I haven't got the offer letter in hand yet. I will have faith that the mysterious workings of the human resources department will be finished soon. I work the next two weeks then I'm off to Austin for a week. And then it's the week before classes start so the deluge will be underway. I won't be online much in August at all. In fact the new job promises to have ways of filling my days. It may be a whole new professional lifestyle.

Oh Norway, I'm sorry for your losses. Only a crazy person -- and not just a crazy person, but a crazy person with not enough to do -- would conclude that the way to a better life is to kill random fellow citizens. The news from Oslo was paired this weekend with reports of a shooting in Texas at a kid's birthday party at a roller rink. I think the difference was that the shooter in Texas told all the kids to get out of the building before he started. Misery.

Transitioning from murder is not my specialty.

Last night at dinner after most of a beer Nod described how he had given up on Coen Brothers films by saying that he'd broken up with them after Fargo, then had makeup sex with them when he went to see No Country for Old Men but he hadn't liked it so he's off them for good. He certainly can get everyone in the room to turn around and listen to him.

From a course title offered this fall: "From Dictionaries to Wiktionaries". Hee.

How Big

2011-07-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

is your vocabulary?

This test won't tell you exactly because it'd be too tedious to count but they give an estimate. It's the sort of thing I think is fun.
The site's authors request that more children and teenagers participate so if you have any handy you can sic them on the test too. It looks like it has a facebook page as well if you like that.

Last night I made what I will have to call Painful Eggplant. Here's the recipe, adapted from Barbara Tropp, which is always a good sign. It was lovely little asian eggplants (bought specially at the farmer's market except for the 1! from our garden) stir fried with a sauce that prominently features chile garlic paste. I had just received some homemade chile garlic paste from our Chinese neighbor. I knew it was hot, having sampled it at potluck but I put two tablespoons in my sauce anyway. It was almost too hot to eat. I'm a little frightened of the leftovers. But I'm going to find a way to eat them. Asian eggplants are one of my favorites and are not to go to waste. [Had some for lunch today, still alive.]

Guilty pleasure alert. During the royal wedding frenzy this spring I held out until the last minute and refused to be interested in the minutiae. But finally I cracked and wanted to see what the royals wore at least. While looking for stills, one of my finds was The Royal Order of Sartorial Splendor blog which revels in watching European royal (mostly female) fashion. I cannot join the author in her raging enthusiasm for tiaras but I don't mind seeing pictures of them occasionally.

Orts

2011-07-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

Reading about the physical response to eating rich food. The researchers gave rats fatty foods and looked at their physical reactions. The rats' bodies "immediately began to release natural marijuanalike chemicals in the gut that kept them craving more". It makes me think of my own eating patterns and how I try to at least keep an eye on my yen for sweets and fats. I love the summer when the watermelons are finally in (the ones before June don't count and are likely to be giant cucumbery disappointments). I will choose a bowl of sweet watermelon over almost any butter-based dessert. It goes without saying that I am very fond of most butter-based desserts and am likely to head toward them when offered. So it feels as though I'm throwing a healthy distraction in front of my body and its appetites when we're automatically headed for the more calorific stuff. Here -- have some of this pretty pink sweet stuff! I can eat a huge bowl of fruit and feel okay afterwards. I think I need to do more of this with vegetables. If I can get the plant stuff (prepared in attractive ways) tucked in my gullet first, there will be less time and appetite for the stuff that is less good for me.

Despite some concerns about fat and sugar as above, there are cooking things I am pleased about:
1) My chicken wings. I have a technique that makes crispy wonderful oven baked wings. Preheat oven to 425. Toss wings in flour, salt & pepper. Oil foil-covered rimmed baking sheet. Put wings on pan and bake 20 min. Turn with tongs and bake another 15 - 20 min. Pour on the Frank's Red Hot Sauce. mmmmm
2) Broiled tofu. Just tried it last night with soy ginger sauce and veggies. (I would eat my shoes if they were covered with ginger soy sauce.) So quick -- it's the only way to use the oven in the summer. (Unless you've got to have some chicken wings of course.)
3) Sauteed mushrooms with thyme. I can eat them straight but usually I put them on a baked potato with some plain yogurt and maybe grated cheddar.
Seems like a short list but due to summerness I haven't been cooking much lately.

Why you should read The Bloggess from time to time
"...I am severely jet-lagged so I have nothing funny to say. Except that I just looked up “jet lag” on Wikipedia and it said that scientists have helped hamsters recover from jet-lag by giving them viagra. Which means that at one point there were a bunch of people flying hamsters with tiny erections to exotic locations in the name of science. Which I think is just proof that scientists are high all the time."

Mah baybee is growing up! On Saturday, despite beesting and sunburn, we had a wonderful day at the pool. Katy was jumping off the high and low diving boards and going down the tall slide. I did a couple of low dives to prove I'm still tough enough. Lexi practiced her dog paddle and all of a sudden put her head down and scooted through the water. Like real swimming! Once she got the idea, she did it over and over again. She swam from the wall to me and from me to the wall. It's a breakthrough. Both kids are a little taller and more confident and it was a delightful family outing.

Bee Beets &

2011-07-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

I stepped on a bee (or maybe a wasp) on Saturday at the pool. The pain in my foot made me think that I'd find a piece of glass stuck in it, but there was nothing there. After some moaning I was mostly brave and it didn't slow me down much. I was glad that I didn't have to walk miles to get home. I was surprised at how itchy the sting got as it healed. Yesterday it was driving me bonkers. Much better today and my charming limp is gone.

A neighbor gave me some beets harvested from the shared garden. I like beets, maybe partly because they are so unpopular. I always like to be different. But she told me that you could just peel them and eat them raw. That sounded crazy to me but I really liked the crunchy thin slices. I inherited another big bunch of beets from the harvest so I found a recipe for roasted beets with a mint balsamic vinaigrette. Mint is another thing we have in the garden in abundance. Instead of cooking the beets I just grated them and dressed them with some olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. My test batch tasted too strongly of balsamic so I cut it with some rice vinegar in the final dish. Good stuff.

Have I already linked to this history of punctuation marks site? I'm reading about the ampersand today. It makes me happy. I hadn't ever known about the Tironian et, another shorthand mark for 'and' that was used for centuries. It was invented by Cicero's scribe as part of his shorthand for latin. Cicero had seen Greek shorthand and had Tiro work up a system for Latin. I'm feeling very chummy with both of those characters as I've been reading about them in Saylor's Roman mystery novels lately.

Unleavened

2011-07-11T11:48:00.000-07:00

My mother reports that they had twenty minutes of rain yesterday afternoon. That is good to hear. Crestone, CO has a fifty percent chance of rain in the forecast today too. Come on moisture. Here in northeastern Kansas we are under a heat advisory, highs around 100 and high humidity which equals awful. But as a neighbor observed, this is the weather that gives us tomatoes. You can practically see the corn and sunflowers growing.

Yesterday I took communion to the nursing home resident we visit. She is a small retired librarian with glasses that give her an owlish look. She is English and good company and I'm quite fond of her. I feel a little guilty because it's all so pleasant: she is in good health and is mostly all-there mentally and our visits aren't taxing at all. I receive a kit as part of the church service with a few wafers and a little wine in a flask. We have a mini service in Thelma's room and then I clean up the pieces and return the kit to the church during the week. Any uneaten wafers are allowed to hang out in their little silver box. But the rule is that the consecrated wine needs to be drunk or poured out onto the earth to dispose of it. Episcopalian holy wine is sweet but not too awful. Our kids don't mind it, they both take communion by dipping the wafer into the wine. The nuts and bolts of ritual.

I know that episcopalian churches can choose to use baked bread instead of wafers for their communion services. But they haven't had bread at Trinity in Lawrence as long as I've attended. I haven't had real bread for communion since attending the United Church in Los Alamos, NM. I see the storage and longevity advantages of the little dry discs. But why do we use these tasteless wafers? Today I stumbled across the explanation in a discussion of five great books about the history of food. (I want to read them all.) "...I wish that the Roman Catholic Church had followed the Greek Orthodox Church, which (and this was one of the reasons for the Great Schism) denied the continuities between the Jewish Passover and the Last Supper – and so even today, in communions, uses a fermented bread, the sort of wheat loaf that you can get in any really good bakery. The Roman Catholics, on the other hand, argued that the Last Supper was a Passover meal, and therefore that the bread was unfermented and thus akin to matzo. Because of this, the host as it’s offered today in Catholic churches is a bread that’s manufactured mechanically and industrially of wheat but without any fermentation – and it’s obviously much less attractive, much less interesting to incorporate into one’s body, than a real piece of bread." Aha! All this makes me want to do is go home and bake some bread. Maybe in September, the current high temps make baking contraindicated. I am all for acknowledging the Jewish roots of Christian ritual. But I'm also all for bread!

Bounce Brew and Burn

2011-07-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

Friday before a holiday weekend, this sounds like a job for super blogger! I haven't seen her so I'll just put up an update of my own.

Yesterday I met with my new IT managers. We reviewed the job description they gave me. They said that I met the requirements. I said that I am interested in doing the job. And I agreed to take a whopping pay raise. I am pleased. I am suddenly full of motivation for learning to work with IT. Instant attitude improvement!

We're talking about having me stay in the office where I am for the next 2-3 months in order to help with customer service for the beginning of the fall semester. That is everyone's busiest time at the university. The highest number of students are on campus, it's the beginning of the academic year and the highest number of brand new people (undergrads, grads and instructors) are here. It all sounds like a good plan to me. The most tedious parts of my job have gone away: fiscal and HR. It means that I am having a very quiet summer at the moment. I know some of you are boggling that I could work any less at this job. But it's just a temporary lull and it's threaded through with some cool and refreshing anxiety about learning how they do everything in IT.

I had my time off approved and will be going to Austin to see mother/brother/sister-in-law and my nephews August 6-13. I got cheap SWA tickets so I don't have to drive, by myself, thank the gods.Now we need a babysitter for the week before that and then I think we have the summer figured out. Nod won't be able to come to TX as he will be starting his new job. He ended up with two good offers and we've done some debating about which one he'll take. He's decided on the one based in north Kansas City. I am a little worried about his commute but everything else made it a better job than the one based out of Topeka. So here's hoping he clicks with those folks. It is all sounding so promising.

I am currently in love with cold brewed coffee. Our coffee maker died while I was in the Bay Area. (I owe a recap, don't I. Short form: perfect weather, dense traffic, chic wedding, glad to see my friend/sad to leave my friend...) And as we know I am spurred to learning new things only by the complete failure of my familiar coping strategies. So I tried the coffee grounds and water overnight thing. And it's amazing, not bitter. The filtering in the morning is a bit messy but that is the only even slightly difficult part. I may never need a coffee maker again. It must be the zeitgeist, The Pioneer Woman wrote about this too. Oh and I don't drink it iced, I microwave it back to hot coffee-ness and doctor it as usual.

I have been cooking against the season. Last night was tomato soup and the night before I made meatloaf. And I'm not sorry, they were both delicious.

My mother in law arrived yesterday. I am a little worried about a 72 y.o. on the road for such a long trip. But she does love to travel. It's good to see her. She'll stay til next Tues or Weds.

As a friend said on Facebook yesterday "I sure am sick of seeing my hometown burn down." It's an exaggeration in that no homes have been lost. In contrast to the 2000 fire which destroyed 235 homes. (Oik. I hadn't realize that was the total. Damn.) The town of Los Alamos, NM was evacuated last Monday because of smoke as well as being directly in the path of the fire but so far firefighters have established a burn line and no structures have been affected that I know of. The fire seems to be going north and south rather than directly east through the town. The intense national coverage about the fire is due of course to the lab's radioactive materials and concerns about fire getting to those. The big bad hot stuff they use to build bomb triggers is underground in bunkers, I have no worries about that. The low level waste that is stored in barrels above ground is more worrisome but it is receiving a great deal of attention from the lab's own dedicated fire and emergency crews. I'm more concerned about the peaks around the town being covered with black sticks again once the fire is done. There is no moisture in the forests and there is no rain in the forecast. This looks like a really long, bad fire. I saw a cousin at the wedding who lives in southern Colorado in the mountains and says she is really scared of fire there right now. The monsoons can't come soon enough. Shudder.

Making More

2011-06-23T08:37:00.001-07:00

It's a poem. I hope you like it. It reflected my spacey mood and there are flowering dogwood trees.

Oh and now I've gone and read Lucy and recommend reading her poetic Googling as well as taking her recommendation to read Kathleen. And Kathleen included a poem by Chris Green that I liked tremendously. (It includes a husband's realization that the sexiest thing he can do is to get a job.) This poetry snowball is picking up speed!

June Tumble

2011-06-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

Learning
So I interviewed Monday for another admin support job on campus. It was a perfectly so-so experience. They had me in and out in 25 minutes which didn't make me feel like I'd made a big splash. They want someone who has experience setting up databases in Access. Which I don't have. Setting aside the disappointment of not charming them from the first moment, I am consciously choosing to look at the bright side. It was an excellent refresher for interviewing in general. I was asked where I saw myself in 5 years (I did well with that one) and to tell about a mistake I'd made (I gabbed blithely about a significant mistake I made but left out the oh-so-important follow up of what lesson I learned and improvement I took away from that experience, urgh) and a time that I'd taken initiative and accomplished something not specifically in my job description (not happy with my response here, thought of a *much* better one last night). Could hardly have been more textbook and I was left gaping a bit even so. All the better answers I could have given are replaying in my head. But I'm resolved not to beat myself up. Choosing to repeat that it was an excellent learning experience. (And we all know how enjoyable those are.) I don't have to have all the answers. Mistakes teach me more than first-time mastery. I just have to keep eating those metaphysical vegetables over and over in my life.

But imagine my surprise when I received an email this morning asking for permission to contact my references. Even if it's just a gesture of completion, that is a good sign. Maybe nobody who applied has the specific database experience they want. Maybe they're just a tough crowd. I've been having fun toying with the idea of another job offer but keep having to stop counting chickens and go back to staring at eggs.

Banh mi hack
At some point this spring I came across this discussion of Banh mi (Vietnamese sandwiches of deliciousness) and then searched out a few more online banh mi references. And then I yearned of course for a wonderful tasty pate on crunchy baguette with pickled carrots and cilantro leaves. Pretty sure that's not available in this town. But after considering the matter I had a brainstorm: I can make pickled carrots. And for a tasty meaty filling? I can use meatloaf! I can buy fresh cilantro. The only thing I am missing really is the bread. And the mayo which isn't my scene.

I made a meatloaf and doctored my sliced carrots. On toasted wheat bread with the fresh cilantro -- Damn, ma'am! That was an excellent sandwich. I will do it again! If you want guidance for the pickled carrots here's Simply Recipes' take. I didn't do the tossing and rinsing though, just bunged 'em in a tupperware with the vinegar, sugar, pinch of salt, and water.

Cazalet and Wedding Travel
Bee has got me reading Elizabeth Jane Howard. I just finished the first of the Cazalet Chronicles, The Light Years. It was a great read. A "rambling realistic family saga" says Michelle Cooper and I agree. Really good stuff. On to Marking Time after my trip. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go to a cousin's wedding in the East Bay in California. It's at the Wente vineyards in Livermore and there are four wedding related events in all over the weekend. Going to be seeing The Danish tomorrow night -- exciting!

Knees
Lexi has skinned her knees thoroughly this week. Walking back to the car after church she stumbled and even though I had a hold of her hand fell right on her knees on the asphalt. Bruised and scraped. She keened the whole ride home. At one point I asked her to put her hand over her mouth to keep some of the sound down. Yes, I am sorry. But it was making my stomach hurt and there was nothing anyone could do until we got home. She hates blood and feels every scrape as a personal insult. Once those scabs had hardened up and she was doing okay she bumped into another kid while riding on her scooter and scraped a spot that had been missed in the first assault. But she loves her new (used) scooter. It may be time for kneepads.

Math at Taco Bell

2011-06-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

While mowing the grass a few weeks ago I realized that I enjoyed how visible the chore was. I am going to work on acknowledging, feeding, and harnessing my inner show-off. I may be quiet and like to go to bed early but I also enjoy doing things with an audience.

The holiday on Monday was not quite hot enough for my Texan husband to go to the outdoor pool. It needs to be in the 90s for him and 82 just wouldn't do. So we found other things to do together all four of us. We went to Taco Bell for lunch. It was jolly and after we had mostly finished eating Katy asked us to show her long division again because she said she had found it confusing. So Nod gave her some easy long division to do and we talked through the steps. Then Lexi didn't want to be left out and she asked for some three digit numbers to add. And we upped the ante and did some subtraction with borrowing with her. Everyone was engaged and happy. It was odd and really good quality family time.

I'm set to meet more of my future work group at IT tomorrow. The big boss said I could look at a job description and salary range and then not a word for two weeks. Haven't seen either of them of course. I am remembering that this is a big adventure and enjoying my flexible schedule for now. I've bought air tickets for the girls and I to go to Austin in August. Haven't asked permission, hope they don't mind much. It's not quite the week before classes start at KU so I figure I'll still be around for the red hot busy time. Nod won't be able to go to Texas which makes his mother sad (she's in denial, "I hope he'll find a way to come down for just a weekend") but he will have just started his job. And I mine but of course I'm rocking my state employee status plus what seems to be the guilt of the group that's been saddled with us.

At home with the kids today, Nod had yesterday and will have them tomorrow. They start their all day summer program on Monday and we'll be fully functional for June and July. I'm going to take them to get their teeth sealed (quick and easy it's just the paint on stuff) and then to the pool. After we go to swap our car with the ripped tire for the Subaru which has been completely repaired! Two functioning cars are within our grasp. It's a wonderful thing. We've decided this is the good kind of debt and are moving forward with it. And the Mazda will have decent tires for the first time in a couple of years. I slid many times last winter including one 360 at an intersection one morning. Looking forward to more road gripping.

Gyroscope

2011-05-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Things are in motion. I can't see the pattern yet. No vertiginous drop and no big rise, more like rocking on the tippy balance point of the seesaw.

My employment: I've been almost offered a new position in IT and someone expressed some enthusiasm for acquiring me which was gratifying. However the job description I expected on Friday has not appeared. I just emailed an inquiry. My office manager has gotten a new job and is out of here after next week. I was jealous and felt very inept by comparison but that has receded and I am happy for her. Yesterday it occurred to me that I can let myself be bad at job hunting right now. At least since Plan B is coming along. I prefer this to feeling like I am losing at job hunting.

Nod's employment: his first choice firm stopped responding so he lined up another job interview damn quick and it went well. He's got a position as soon as he is done with school in mid July. He will be commuting to north Kansas City, that's the downside. But after an initial ride-along period (how long? I don't know) he will be able to use a company van. And once he's proven his solo capabilities he will be working service calls closer to home. He's taken a leave of absence from bus driving after the end of May. So he'll go to school 4 days a week for 7 weeks. And have three days off in a row every week! Then barring weird developments, he'll tell the bus co. he won't be coming back as he starts his new gig.

Kid care: There are two weeks between the end of school and the beginning of the Boys and Girls Club summer program for the kids. Nod and I have worked out who's with them when. There's Memorial Day and a colonoscopy (not mine thank the force) and two kid dental appointments in there too. I think my mother is coming but will stay in a hotel. A friend of ours from Colorado will be couch surfing with us for a few days. Things are very much coming together in the week or so before they happen. Which is not a new experience for me but I am feeling awash in the waves a bit. Or teetering on my balance board. As I succeeded in getting the kid care nailed down, today it feels like it will all work out. Oh my mother has also recruited me to come with her to a cousin's wedding in Livermore CA June 18-19.

I'll keep my nose into the wind and try to stay upright.

Read about the True Finn party and their "Euroskeptic" point of view. They object to paying for Greece and Portugal's financial troubles as part of the European Union. They look to a time when Finland could withdraw from the Union. Anti immigrant but pro wealth equalization and the social safety net. This quote jumped out at me, '"After all, empires always end badly, as did Rome and the USSR," says Mr. Elo. "That will happen to the EU as well, because it's a misguided piece of history."' I sense lyricism and over simplification at work here. But maybe that's because I'm a citizen of an empire and it seems better than many alternatives.

Tangy pleasure churn

2011-05-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

I am tickled to be reading Wild Fermentation by Sandor Ellix Katz. (The author photo on that website is much less old and bearded than I expected!) It's a very informative and user friendly introduction to many different ways that humans use natural yeast action to modify food. The author is an HIV pos faerie who lives in community in the hills of Tennessee, a demographic I don't see represented nearly often enough. I saw the book recommended by boingboing and I got it through our local library. His writing style is accessible and his enthusiasm for all things funkified via fermentation comes through. I see that he'll be leading a fermentation workshop at Cafe Gratitude in Berkeley on May 14. I am moved to do my own dabbling. I don't have the containers assembled yet to make sauerkraut but I am already on the way to my own wild sourdough starter. Such fun to experiment. I'll spare you the quote about the fermented goat meat that almost made Nod barf. (I thought it was a hoot.)

We all are entertained in our own ways. My husband is aquiver at the thought of the Thor movie. I am innocent of any knowledge of those comics but I'm all for the superhero genre. And as someone who went to see the long version of Branaugh's Hamlet in the theater I am interested to see his directorial hand at work. His tendency to shout down the place as an actor should fit right in with supervillains and such. There's no better way to start getting in the mood for summer than a comic book movie. So I am scheming for us (just the adults) to go on Sunday. The thought of going out to a movie makes me rub my hands in glee. I'm going to be sad when movie theaters can't make it any more. In my alternative world there are roller rinks and movie theaters in abundance.

I misread a reference in the Bookslut Blog as "pleasure diaries"* and was intrigued. I thought of Now's the time, a blog that is about observations and pleasure. Blogging is a wonderful medium to share what is giving one pleasure at the moment. But a "pleasure diary" sounds more formal and mysterious. I envision a book for the faithful reporting of each day's pleasures. Might have to try that out.
*It was really a reference to "pleasure dairies" (you see my confusion) and the book Dairy Queens about Marie Antoinette and her play farm Le Petit Hameau and that sort of thing. Also interesting but not something I can recreate with a book and a pen.

Back to work! In this week's meeting with our new IT superstructure we two admin support people got more of an idea how we'll fit in with their group. Our office manager will work with their fiscal/budget team. And I will go to customer service in one form or another. If I qualify for the more in-depth "account management" (two words baffling in their nonspecifity) it would be good for my resume and portable skills. Yet to be determined. It was mentioned that we are of course free to look for positions elsewhere. Rather pointed reminder seeing as how free will is generally in play. In that spirit I applied for a grad student application tracking position, something that would fit with my background and interests. As it stands, fitting in with IT is Plan B and finding an on campus job with a more natural fit with my experience is Plan A. It's good to have goals.

The Subaru has a cracked head gasket and a variety of less lethal things wrong with it. Nod is using my car for his last two weeks of spring semester. The kids and I are hoofing it. So far so good. Nod and I are both feeling rather powerless as we can't afford to spend $3K on the old car nor can we afford much for a new one. I'm sure we'll find a solution before winter! So much uncertainty and change as we go to summer. Nod had a good interview experience with the firm that hires repair folks in town here. He sent an email and left a message with them to follow up and firm up a plan to hire him part time for summer. He hasn't heard back. I talked him out of calling again. Until next week. I hope it's something unrelated that has kept them from responding. There are other possible employers but it's disheartening to absorb a rejection and let your first choice go.

La souris enragée

2011-04-28T19:49:00.000-07:00

Dressed in light colors. Found my spirits lifting midmorning. I felt like skipping, maybe going for a long walk. Shortly thereafter I see that my period has started. Hormones, you are our not so acknowledged tyrants.

We're in a new motion, winding up some of our patterns and looking for the next ones. Nod finishes his semester mid May and then he will have a short summer program in June and July. The class hours are longer for the summer session though he will have Fridays off. This will make his current schedule of afternoon bus driving not possible. He had an interview with the employer he ranks at the top of his 'firms I want to work with' list. They have positions in this town which would mean no commute and be a great good thing. It went well and the interviewer indicated that Nod might be able to start working for them on his summer Fridays. Which would be ducky for all. And the bus company still loves him and will consider June and July a leave of absence so that job will available in the future as a fallback. Whew. I think that boy's almost got his shit wired together.

My job still exists. We are getting to know the IT management folks in our weekly meetings. Today a few of us indulged in some petty mocking of IT hair and shoe stylings. It was an unconstructive outburst and yet did relieve some frustration. So far the dearth of leadership continues. 'We'll build the plan forward together' says our higher up. And yet they hold the budget and the authority so why don't they acknowledge that power imbalance? It's a bit like cats playing with a mouse but so much more boring.

A co worker found some morels in local woods last week. I can identify them but I don't know what they taste like. I'd like to go foraging, maybe Nod will be up for a ramble. We could use some more rain for mushrooms I'm sure.

Finished Crooked Letter Crooked Letter. The scenes set back in Larry's childhood made me cringe a bit. That was one grim dad. But I loved the setting and the local boy made good angle. Sigh. I'm sorry I'm done.

Gauge

2011-04-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

Poncho finished. Started a hat. Realized last night that I hadn't measured the gauge and they used giant yarn in the pattern. The result is that my hat is just right for a mini head but far too small for any of our large human heads. I guess I'll finish it and it'll be for the stuffed animals/dolls. Oy. No doubt it was a good learning experience.

Kate Atkinson's Case Histories was wanted by another library patron so I let her go. I will try it again later. The tactile details were amazing. And I liked the characters, even the depressed passive-aggressive mother. I got only as far as the first case history.

I have gotten Crooked Letter Crooked Letter under way and am enjoying it. The protagonist's girlfriend is described as having a mouth "always in a little pucker, off to the side, always working, like she had an invisible milk shake." I still love southern dialect.

Finally had a meeting with the new overlords. They claim to be finding their way too, that there is no big behind-the-scenes plan. No job eliminations are planned. The words were reassuring and I hope the follow up smaller group meetings go well. I was mollified when the director's PowerPoint presentation was prefaced with an apology. And only had 4 slides. She kept the business jargon to a minimum too.

Laugh of the week: I got my expanded job description and raise approved. Now get ready: my increase will be $0.35 per hour.
I'm trying not to do any celebratory shopping. No word on the other position I applied for. I know searches are usually very slow on this campus so am not concerned. Not sure I want to cleave unto the writing program. Mulling.

Both girls got up early this morning. Lexi came to snuggle with me in my bed. I kept trying to shoo her away since I feared her power to cuddle me back asleep. That would lead to waking up forty minutes later when everything would be fraught. Katy bounced into her clothes and went downstairs to practice music. We had talked about practice first thing in the morning so it wouldn't be forgotten. Her "Go Tell Aunt Rhody" on the piano is much improved. Her violin playing is still pretty rocky. Screechy mostly with a few sweet notes in there. Music teacher Janice says that her playing is getting better so I guess I will have to have faith. Katy's arms have gotten longer in almost a year and I'm told that it's time to trade up a size in violins too. I need to talk with Lexi again about whether she wants to do some violining before we banish the little one. Lexi has three loose teeth after waiting and waiting for just one. And last night I saw a new tooth coming in behind the lower baby teeth. So she'll be sharky for a while.

We went out for a family dinner last night. It was a treat. We got Rudy's pizza. It's not my favorite pizza but it tasted really good last night.

No Shortage

2011-04-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

Short on sleep yesterday. I chose to stay up late baking zucchini muffins for Lexi's birthday class treat and then messing around. Punished for this when I was woken in the night by Katy. She had nonspecific stomach pains. I guess I'd pick those over stomach pains that are the harbinger of stomach flu. We were up for a while in the 3:45 range until she could go back to sleep. I was grumpy and forgetful in the morning but it was a lovely day and I came around to cheerful again. Lexi's teacher said that the kids were fairly horrified by the idea of zucchini muffins but that they were eaten up mostly. It was all my 7 y.o.'s idea, she loves that recipe.

The poncho is almost done. I scored a basketful of yarn from a garage sale, we came late and they were in get-rid-of-it mode -- gave it to me for nuthin. My colors aren't as cool as the pattern photo but it's still cute. I found a reference to a pointy hat pattern from Kids Crochet on Ravelry. I got the book from the library and it's fun and substantial. I decided not to start a hat until the poncho is entirely done because that way lies madness or at least four half-completed projects. Pulling loops is very satisfying right now. The small and controllable creative act is a relief.

We're having highs in the 70s finally. It's a beautiful spring this week. Then we're forecast to have highs in the 50s for a couple of days just to keep us on our toes.

I missed book group on Sunday when I was busy feeling sorry for myself. Not sorry about it though because Oryx and Crake was a big ball of no fun. I skimmed the rest on Monday so I could see how the pandemic occurred and what happened at the end. M. Atwood, your writing is not for me. I'm still sawing away at Sovereign Ladies; I've gotten to Victoria's later years and then it's the current queen. (Victoria was a greedy thing.) I love the copious poitrine on the cover. I wonder what painting that snip is from. The next book group book is Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Franklin which is described as literary mystery. I'm looking forward to it. I'm also going to start reading Case Histories by Atkinson which I've heard good things about. Although the word "gruesome" has also featured and I'm prepared to fling it from me. After all, there is no shortage of books.

Fool Me

2011-04-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

Two writers who both have meaty content but an airy style. They both engage with their reader with an emotional swirl. Here is Jennifer Michael Hecht who is a poet and teacher and writes about poetry, nature, and reasons not to kill oneself. She had two friends who suicided and she wrote a beautiful call to anyone else considering it to cut it out. She has reasons! She imagines humanity as a big group of friends in a way that isn't silly. I like her blogging so much I might even try reading her books.

And here's Catherine Newman who is the Buddhist hippie mommy blogger who writes for a Disney family magazine. I don't know how that combo works. Oh wait, just caught up on blog posts and what do you know, she's off that mag. At any rate I wish her only good things and wish her endless readers and lots of good gigs on the way. I think I have to make her Smoky Saucy Chickpeas with Spinach now.

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Last week my coworkers and I got an email from our director that this group will become part of the larger campus IT dept in two weeks. She (the director) will be given a trainer position while she looks for a job at a different univ. We have yet to hear from IT to know what the plan is if any. There was much consternation. On Thursday evening I watched my kids be absolutely amped up about April Fool's day. They were planning many pranks and my first reaction was to grumble but I took the resolve to be pleasant about it. I decided I could grit my teeth and be nice. Then I drank a small glass of wine. Later when I found that Katy had dyed the upstairs toilet water a brilliant green I started laughing. And continued for several minutes. Their delight in being tricky was as vivid as the emerald water. It occurred to me (ridiculously) that we were lucky we didn't have an outhouse for them to push over. Which made me laugh harder. It was an excellent stress outlet. And the next day it turned out that I *loved* their pranks. The big one was that the driver's side of my car was full of stuffed animals when I went out in the morning. I flung them into the passenger's side and enjoyed driving around with them all day. Lexi made up her own prank. She posted a sign in our front window "Pies $1.00". And then a teeny sign on our doorbell "April Fool's!" Because you see we did not have any pies for sale at all. Ingenuity and delight.

I have applied for another on campus admin support position. It feels good to take some positive action rather than wait to see what IT has for me in their wisdom. Hopefully there will be other positions I can fling my resume at. Guess it was a good thing that I had to update that thing. Despite my moaning at the time.

Out lion! Out lamb!

2011-03-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

March is sidling toward the door and I have barely acknowledged it. Ah well, it's also bringing a weekend with highs in the 40s and a rain/snow mix. But besides resenting the inhospitable temps I think that's what March should do, swing wildly between colder and warmer and throw some random precipitation on us. Sorry fruit trees, hard frost for you.

Watching Kids in the Hall to continue my Canadian entertainment trend. I have been surprised that the interstitial bits -- scanning shop windows and grocery store shelves -- are giving me nostalgia pangs.

I've got nothing but wanted to lift my face toward the future. Insert hopeful tableau here. Just finished Misfortune by Wesley Stace. I'd recommend half heartedly if you needed a long book. A jolly pastiche is how one review went but I don't think it quite reached that height. Admirable language, some of the characters were distinct and memorable, but a bit of a mess bullied by its bossy lost heir plotline. I'm starting Oryx and Crake now and hope that Ms. Atwood will soon have my attention firmly in her dry narrative grip.

Have an enjoyable weekend even if you spend it indoors.

Ineffable and Sprung

2011-03-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

I feel that this first section needs a disclaimer: it's religious navel-gazing. Because this is a blog and my navel is in my purview.

Taking the good where you find it
I love being an Episcopalian/Anglican if for no other reason than I can imagine Bertie Wooster sitting (impatiently) through service in a pew near me. My love for English literature is central to my religion, it's a cultural thing: these are the stories that my people tell. So much wonderful language comes from the wells of the Bible and the book of common prayer. In addition to the cultural heritage aspect I have a religious impulse although I do not believe in a personified God/gods. This gives me plenty to think about when reciting the Nicene Creed. My personal view of God (= the entirety of all that is and has ever been) works for me. And the friction it creates when in contact with scripture and church teaching is instructive and good for my brain. I find that my feminist beliefs are also honed to a fine edge by the sanding of the Bible that tells us stories of that particular patriarchal tribal history. Some things that move me in service are praying for others, singing beautiful poetry (there's plenty of crappy poetry in hymns too, so the good stuff is precious) and imagining every human being working to get beyond their own flaws.

I love thinking about this, it pleases me to parse my own personal beliefs and I'm quite curious about others religious ideas although I'm also too polite to ask. I have resolved to get beyond that reticence and ask some metaphysical questions of my fellow churchgoers. Because I really want to know! And why are we there if we can't talk about some of these ideas that go beyond the material world?

In my opinion most humans have a religious drive and it can be satisfied in a myriad of ways. The fierce atheist who wants to browbeat everyone into admitting there is no God with a long beard sitting on a throne in the sky makes me tired. They seem to be discounting every metaphorical/poetical way of thinking about existence and connection with other humans. And I am uncomfortable with *plenty* of the beliefs of plenty of my fellow Christians.

In contrast to the extremes, here is a statement by a witty agnostic (good old Scalzi) that I appreciate:

There are a number of people who have come to agnosticism or atheism because of conflicts with or disillusionment about religion, and in particular a religion they were born into and grew up in, and others who are agnostic or atheist who feel that religion and the religious impulse must be challenged wherever they find it. For these reasons among others I think people assume those people who aren’t religious are naturally antagonistic, to a greater or lesser degree, to those who are. But speaking personally, I don’t feel that sort of antagonism; I don’t look at those who believe as defective or damaged or somehow lacking. Faith can be a comfort and a place of strength and an impetus for justice in this world, and I’m not sure why in those cases I, as a person without faith, would need to piss all over that.

Green
We've had our first week of Spring here. Monday's 2+ inches of snow melted in a couple of hours and the crocuses are out, yellow and purple both. Last night I slapped a mosquito on my ankle. Goddamn but mosquito season is long here in eastern Kansas. St. Patricks's Day was upon us yesterday. I split a (non-Irish) beer with my husband in the evening. We sat out on the patio with some neighbors and it was delightful. Yesterday I read that originally ale was brewed in the British Isles without hops. The hops were eventually imported from the continent which allowed different sorts beers to be brewed. And now most ales have hops for the preservative qualities as well as the taste. This ale/beer dichotomy is interesting to me but I haven't got a hook, we'll just let this paragraph peter out.

The children had fun wearing their green clothes. Lexi's 1st grade class got face painted. She was very proud of the shamrock on her cheek but all the boys got green mustaches painted on! Hilarious! I harbor a desire to throw a mustache party but I'm worried that sounds dirty.

Too Keyed Up

Here's an email signature I found insufferable today:

Regardless of how distant your dreams may seem, every second counts.There's the fussy font and then the presumption that her philosophical musing will be relevant to her readers campus-wide. And the sentiment makes me think of sitting at the edge of my seat looking for portent as every second passed. I'd rather dwell in the now -- this is the day we have. What can we do with it? Today I am continuing my tradition of taking little things too seriously.

Cloud to Sun

2011-03-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

Friday morning I had a sad (mournful hound image here). I shook it off with a quick trip downtown to the toy store. My husband turned 45. He told me that at school he's learned to "properly scrape off gasket material" and that he lifted a 50 pound compressor without throwing his back out. In sum he said "I keep finding more things I can do that I didn't think I could." And that warms the cockles of my heart. I'd like some of that too. Mastery moments are so satisfying.

At any rate I was at the toy store to buy him a kite. With the March birthday I *always* think he needs a kite. Walking in the sunshine and zipping around downtown gave me a lift. I didn't feel sad when I came back to work.

The day before I had revised my resume and turned it in as part of my bid to get my job reclassified so I can get a raise. There are no regular raises in this time of the incredible shrinking state budget. So my office manager has helped me revise the description and call it a more advanced job. Which is true, I am doing more than I did five years ago. But it's a small job even with all my shiny experience. Looking at the small progress I've made in five years gave me a clutch at my heart. There are people in the world who can look at their resumes dispassionately. There must be. But whenever I work on my resume it makes me want to leave the state and create a new identity. Nod was sympathetic and reminded me that I held the family together during the recent unpleasantness. I also remind myself that I started this job when Lexi was one and Katy was three and I was still getting up in the night almost every night. But nonetheless I was under a cloud and felt lowly low until the toy store outing.

Katy reached a milestone in her development last week. It was being too cool for the 3rd grade music program. She and her friends made fun of the words and arm motions and snickered mightily. She told me ahead of time that she didn't like the songs or moves. I said something mushmouthed about respecting her teacher and that she wouldn't like every piece. But now I know what to say: I do not intend to sit through a performance where you don't sing out or even appear to know all the words. I will not watch you roll your eyes and barely follow along. Infuriating. I told her I was disappointed but left it at that. I'll reserve my speech for the next opportunity.

Last week was something almost every night. We did it all. We went for a walk on Saturday, celebrated the birthday and got a date night out too! We had dinner at a cafe and went to hear Indian music performed in a yoga studio. I looked around at the funky crowd and said, wow, you wouldn't know we were in Kansas.

This morning there is snow falling fast. It should all melt later. March has got it all.

I'm crocheting a poncho for Katy. If it comes out I'll do another one for Lexi too. The neckline was the only tricky part and I had to undo lots of work until I got it mostly correct. Now I'm on the easy part and will see if I can finish it with the odds and ends of yarn I've got. It's the first thing I've crocheted for ages, good fun. The cat is teaching me to put the yarn up when I'm done.

Serious Primate

2011-03-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

Light and Dark
Finished Robert Sapolsky's A Primate's Memoir last night. To be strictly honest, I skipped over most of the account of the baboon deaths to get to the end. His anecdotes of being a young dumb American science guy exploring Africa, living with the animals and doing his research work are sidesplitting. Except that there are some sad stories that are interleaved. It all takes place in postcolonial Africa and its vanishing habitats after all. Now I'm regretting recommending it repeatedly as a light hearted read. So to those I recommended to: a belated warning that there's some piercing sadness in addition to the laughs. His travel to the Mountains of the Moon to visit the mountain gorillas and Dian Fossey's grave is affecting. The description of the terrassed farms as far as the eye can see coming up the slopes of the mountain explains why the forest territory is vanishing better than anything else I've read. I am glad I read the book. I laughed, I cried, I'm a primate too.

Slings & Arrows is also delving into the dark for the third season. The Lear episodes are not nearly as sexy as the first two seasons. I'm a little disappointed, being all in favor of sexy, but I have to admit it matches the material. Immanent death, betrayal and foolish behavior as promised. I have one more episode to go. Now I wonder what other Canadian tv series I have left to discover. Bring me more Canadians!

Strider
I'm absurdly proud of myself for walking to work this morning. It took about 25 minutes which is the same amount of time from the old house. I never would have done it except that Nod's Subaru wagon crapped out on the highway yesterday and is in the shop awaiting diagnosis now. He's got my car today. (And note to myself, we've got to get that one's oil changed pronto.) I looked at my bus options and considered making him go late and drop me at work first. But I'm glad I walked, it was easy. The rain in the forecast is holding off, which contributed to the pleasant walk. I may bus it this evening depending on how much wet is falling from the sky at 5pm.
Midday: thunder, dark, pouring rain 39F.

Soup Updates
My tomato basil soup yearning remains unfulfilled. I went to the Aldi store thinking that they might have giant cans of whole tomatoes but no. It's good to visit them once every four years or so and marvel at all the frozen food I don't need. I did make black bean soup and Katy and I enjoyed it mightily. Nod and I cooked all the meat in the world last weekend and are still finishing that. I made a delicious slo cooker beef shanks, that link is not my exact recipe but close, Nod cooked cube steaks (excellent sandwich fixins) plus pork and potatoes. I think I may celebrate Friday night by going to the grocery store once Nod brings the car home tonight.

Tangled, Baby, Soup

2011-03-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

A few squibs to lay out today.

When I was in Albuquerque with the girls, the apex of our entertainment was going to see Tangled in the theater. It was a snow day for ABQ so there were plenty of other families at the movies with us. It was a hoot, very entertaining and funny and I cried a bit (it doesn't take much) and the floating lanterns were beautiful. Boy those Disney folks can deliver sometimes. (I didn’t see the Princess and the Frog, was it as good as Tangled? Gosh, Metacritic says they liked it even a little better. Guess I’d better put that one on my list to watch too.) Tangled melted on the tongue, like cotton candy. But moments are sticking with me and the voice actors were supreme. All three leads were so good! I thought the baddie was voiced by P. Lupone but it turns out to be Donna Murphy who I didn’t know at all. My kids loved the horse! and the little drunken old man who dresses up as Cupid. Best laugh: when they get to town Rapunzel’s extra voluminous hair is getting in the way. Her escort sees four sisters, little girls who all have multiple braids in their hair. He asks them to braid Rapunzel’s hair and their eyes get really big. Fabulous.

Molly Lewis puts her feelings into song form in “An Open Letter to Stephen Fry”. Twenty years ago I'd have joined her (although then she'd have been too young so that doesn't work) and we could have cooked up a playgroup of half siblings. I suppose the dialect is not gene-borne. Pity.

It's a slow day at work and I am fantasizing about making soup. Nordstrom's Tomato Basil is the one that's caught my eye. Although I'd also like to get a pot of black bean soup done.

Mud pots

2011-02-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

How about a recipe. Here's one of my favorites, Polenta Kale Stew. I don't always add as much kale as called for. Because damn that's a lot of kale. Also I was in a tizzy for a while about whether corn meal was the same as "polenta". Whether it is or not, it works just as well in this soup. So use what you've got/can get.

Beware during the polenta adding step. It will be a thick kale-lumpy boiling mass and when you add the corn meal it gets thicker and starts to resemble a Yellowstone boiling mud pot. It will start to spit and tiny globs of boiling soup will be flying around. I cussed a blue streak and had to rinse my hand three times while adding the corn meal. After the scary burn part is over I love the thickness of this soup. Leftovers will gel in the fridge. You can add cooked chicken but I found that I'd rather eat my meat separately. Bon appetit!

I want a production company so I can name it Nummanumma or something fun. I was just reading about the popsong "Rocketeer" which was produced by the Smeezingtons. I want to hug their name.

Just started season three of Slings & Arrows, the Lear season. The first episode didn't seem to be doing very much until the end, ouch. Still very taken with it, infatuated. Nod's been enjoying them too, it's bringing back some theater memories for both of us. I loved studying Lear. I wonder how much I remember.

We're having crappy early spring storms. It rained/sleeted/snowed 3 or 4 inches last night. It should all melt in Sunday's rain. I don't care, I figure crappy spring weather is better than crappy winter weather. Longer light is releasing me from my desire to hide and hibernate. Exhale.

Oh I just saw a news piece on The Help by Stockett. Ablene Cooper, who once worked as a nanny for Stockett's brother, is suing her because she says the character Aibilene Clark is based on her and she finds the characterization humiliating. What will happen next? I don't know if there is a right side to this dispute. Although it seems a misstep for the author to have chosen a name so close to a living person's.

Back with Fluff

2011-02-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

Gelatinous cloud
This is a phrase that was rolling around in my mouth this morning. It seemed to relate to my hibernated body. I'm a bit wigglier and weaker than a few months ago. I did some stretches this morning. Nothing violent enough to pull muscles. But I did make them tremble with the effort of holding me up. All right muscles, there's going to be more of that -- this is a friendly warning. I'm wearing a t shirt right now with no other layers. The feel of air on my upper arms is novel and intoxicating. Makes me want to do a few pushups.

It's Canadian *and* Shakespearian!
I stumbled across the TV series Slings and Arrows at the library. It's making me laugh and pleasing me down to the ends of my theater geek toes. I may be neglecting housework in order to watch first season episodes every night. If so I say that it's worth it. There are three seasons in total. You already know this but Rachel McAdams is ridiculously pretty and appealing.

Books I wasn't wild about
Now I think the Danish would like this one: And Only to Deceive by Tasha Alexander. It's set in Victorian England and goes at a brisk pace with a fine art mystery and a couple of good, substantial romance plots. I found the dialogue and motivations of the characters anachronistic so some of it felt like paper dolls to me. If you're a historical fiction fan and willing to put up with some of that, it's entertaining.

Death of a Chancellor by David Dickinson is pretty terrible and I was glad to fling it down at last. It's number four in a series and I won't be reading any of the others. I will say that whoever did the art layout of the cover did a great job.

In Search Of
I loved that series. I suppose it was Nimoy's narration. But also the weird artefacts and history and oddness that they emphasized. Currently I am in search of a tv antenna which seems almost as anachronistic as that series. I have a digital box now and just lack the antenna. I have to hurry up so I can watch the regional PBS stations before their funding is cut! The truly irksome part is that I had an above-average pair of rabbit ears that I left behind in the move. Fitzpah! I checked out the catholic thrift shop today. Close but no cigar. The shady electronics reseller (they're not quite a pawn shop) should be next.

Bad Scout
I am tired of Lexi's Brownie troop activities. I begged off the two events last week because it was snowy for the first one and muddy for the second. This Saturday they're set to drive to Topeka (40 min.) to go ice skating. I didn't wanna. I felt bad about not wanting to go. Finally I asked Lexi how she felt about ice skating. And she didn't want to go because she's never ice skated before! Sadly I am going to encourage this fear of new activities because it so suits my own agenda.

Skittering

2011-02-16T13:37:00.000-08:00

I am a slow moving beast these days. I have a long post about seeing my mom and her health. It doesn't feel like conversation but just dumping and yet I haven't been able to post anything else. It's blocking me. I guess I'll get that out here just so I can feel I'm past it.

Hope my brain can be more squirrel-like in the coming days. This tortoise stuff is getting old.

Under the drift

2011-01-21T07:35:00.000-08:00

Another storm, another snow day and today is the first day of classes at my place of employment. More posting later. Just found out I can watch Wil Wheaton on The Guild on You Tube. Hee.

Crystal

2011-01-12T07:13:00.000-08:00

Single digit temps here. Our Northern California friend Sara is coming for a visit tomorrow, poor lamb. And I wonder why it's so hard to get anyone to come to this out of the way place in midcountry. Bad luck to hit our week or two of highs under 20F.

Two days off school for the kids because of snow and sloppy roads. Sledding took place without me on Monday. They told me that at one point the snow was coming down in big flakes. Not clumps of itty flakes floating down but big (1/2 inch?) individual crystals. It sounded amazing, I've never seen that I don't think. I did get to drag Lexi around the parking lot on a sled yesterday for a while. She played happily outside for about two hours working on a snow fort with a neighbor kid. Her cheeks were bright pink for a long time after she came inside. Since I was home early to take my portion of the kid care day I borrowed a shovel and did part of the sidewalk. It felt like good and wholesome work.

My mother has gone for ten whole days without nausea. Such an improvement. Her recent health crisis has made her feel very far from us all and she is now investigating independent living places that could scale up to assisted living eventually. A practical consideration. I felt very far from her and helpless while she was in the hospital and then recuperating so slowly. But she's also talking about renting the unit next door to us. Ack! Too much too soon. As Dan says there are so many other properties in Lawrence she could rent or buy. I have to tread carefully here. If I didn't live with Dan I'd have her close by and deal with the consequences but even beyond the stress I would experience, neither of them would want to live that close together. Surely good sense will prevail. Mom assures me she is only in the info gathering stage. The girls and I will go out to see her on the 29th so delicate negotiations can be conducted face to face.

On Monday I went to work while the snow was coming down merrily. My car didn't slip too much. But I made sure to park in a far lot that is mostly flat, no hills to get to it. While I was trudging across a playing field I was marveling at the slippy slidy ankle deep covering of ice crystals that is a good snowfall. So strange to imagine all that white as piled up pieces of frozen water. A fantastic phenomenon. This morning I saw the weak sun dimmed to a disc by clouds in the east, next to the steam plumes above the campus power plant.

Rights and Random

2011-01-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

Scarcity
This is commentary by Ross Douthat* in the NYTimes on the recent MTV program about a teen mother and her partner who when she gets pregnant a second time, decide to abort.

In every era, there’s been a tragic contrast between the burden of unwanted pregnancies and the burden of infertility. But this gap used to be bridged by adoption far more frequently than it is today. Prior to 1973, 20 percent of births to white, unmarried women (and 9 percent of unwed births over all) led to an adoption. Today, just 1 percent of babies born to unwed mothers are adopted, and would-be adoptive parents face a waiting list that has lengthened beyond reason.

Some of this shift reflects the growing acceptance of single parenting. But some of it reflects the impact of Roe v. Wade. Since 1973, countless lives that might have been welcomed into families like Thernstrom’s — which looked into adoption, and gave it up as hopeless — have been cut short in utero instead.

I think the author missed the emergence of a recognition that young women are viable humans with rights. Adoption in the not very far past often meant that the mother who had given birth did not have power over her fate or her baby's. A pregnant woman should have the responsibility and the ability to choose what will happen. Some of the current rarity of adoption must mean that mothers who want to raise their babies get to stay with them and know them.

The writer seems to think it's a shame that rich infertile people can't adopt at will these days. But maybe that's a sign that now even poor women in the US have at least this autonomy. They don't have to give birth and then **give away their children**. They can choose not to bring a pregnancy to term until they are ready. We have no shortage of humans. Only adoptee white baby humans. What a plateful of privilege.

The article ends:

This is the paradox of America’s unborn. No life is so desperately sought after, so hungrily desired, so carefully nurtured. And yet no life is so legally unprotected, and so frequently destroyed.

Oh okay, abortion foe, got it. We disagree.
* I had heard liberals complaining about Douthat but hadn't read any straight from the horse's mouth. That'll probably be enough for me but it did give me something specific to kick at.

Fotheringay
Shock of the week: the PG Wodehouse surname Fotheringay is really pronounced 'Fungy', see relevant Language Hat discussion. (Unhelpfully this name eminds me of horse bridle hardware. Am I thinking of martingale?) Via the Hatsters I also got to this wonderful Wikipedia page: List of Names in English with Counterintuitive Pronunciations that includes family names and place names. I see that Sandy Denny's post-Fairport band was named Fotheringay. They had a song by that name and it's rhymed with "away" in the lyrics so I'm betting she didn't sing it as "Fungy" but I'll have to do some more poking about to see...

Our House
Dreams about wandering through a house and finding new different spaces than you expected. Apparently very very common, judging from these blog comments. I've had it lots of times. When it's a good dream I think it's about being delighted with unexpected parts of yourself. It's not just the every day house you know inside and out, there are new rooms to explore!

Troop/tribe
Thinking about a huge positive my marriage has brought me. Relief from loneliness and the stress of being without a group to live with. My primate brain was unhappy when I wasn't part of a family, at least a family of two. Having kids went the rest of the way to appeasing my base drives. It feels now like my inner critic has mostly gone off to suck rocks. The downside to that is the extent to which I have gotten good at not having anything of just my own to shoot for in the past x years. Now that the kids are both elementary schoolers and need me less relentlessly I feel that I should take stock and put out some feelers for personal development.

Bugs
And speaking of life as a primate, we found Katy had lots of lice on Sunday night, the night before she was to start back to school. She's had medicated shampoo, olive oil and lots of combing and picking in between. I need to look at her tonight and see what I can find. Only one nit each the last two times I've checked her. When one is trying to get rid of lice it's like a hobby erupts to take lots of free time away.

TV
But somehow I've still been snatching free time to watch more Big Bang Theory. The presence of Sara Gilbert (Leslie Winkel / Darlene) and Johnny Galecki (Leonard Hofstadter / David) make this tv show sort of like a Roseanne mashup. I'll always love Roseanne for her routine about how men ask women where their things are as though the uterus was an object locating device.

Rolling over

2010-12-29T09:06:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Christmas, it's nearly time for the new year. My mother-in-law started her drive back to Austin this morning. My cold is hanging on, just thinks my nose is a great place to be. The kids have been surprisingly easy to entertain. Sometimes our oldest gets a little unhinged when school is out. The lack of routine seems to set her off. But we got lucky -- not this time. They're back to school on Monday which seems too soon already. It makes my working schedule easier but still.

I am bored with myself and have resolved to learn something new. Spanish vocabulary perhaps. Nod suggested a phlebotomy course that I've looked at before. I don't think this is the time but I'll be sure and report if I fling myself into vein studies.

I finished The Help by Stockett and it was a book I enjoyed reading. The first chapter is an unpleasant experience so I wondered if it would be a "good for me" book that I would have to skim to finish so I wouldn't get too upset. But then the narrative shifted to another character and there is plenty of sweet interleaved with the bitter. There are some weak moments but there is a lot of love and good observation there. I think the author can't resist pointing all her characters in a good direction at the end. I had a good time reading it and the afterword about the author's experience and investment is fascinating. I am wary of reading book reviews because I am going to go to a new book group meeting and discuss it! I'm excited! We'll see if I like this gang better than the last group I tried. They sound younger. The anticipation is great and we'll just see what develops.

I'm eating leftover cornbread stuffing with turkey and gravy and green chile. Happy sigh. I have to get to the grocery store to get the black eyed peas for new year's day. I think I have a smoked neck bone in the freezer to cook them with. I fed the cats and fish of the next door neighbors while they were away for a few days. When they got back they said we should do something new year's eve-y. We agreed that all of us are generally not midnight partiers. So we are all looking forward to an early happy hour after the kids are in bed. And the next day we'll have a brunch in the common house.

I am a bit fuzzy headed and still looking for new ideas. Send them when you find them.

Tea and Cookies

2010-12-23T08:09:00.000-08:00

Doesn't that sound good? Now who can I set to baking?

Intrusive songs:
"We Wish You A Merry Christmas", but not an anonymous caroling version, it's the Kingston Trio Christmas album version. All earnest, peacenik, young man-like.

"You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" We watched the cartoon on Tuesday night and that actually got rid of this one (mostly). A nasty-wasty skunk!

"Angels From the Realms of Glory", not so bad really.

"Jingle Bells" by the Tijuana Brass. That's not mine, it's Nod's and he haaaates it. I only feel nostalgic delight when I remember the LP album cover my parents had. Mariachi trumpeters with shiny Christmas ornaments coming out of their trumpets. Happy sigh.

Health
Our collective cold may be receding without morphing into something worse. I went into the girls' bedroom last night and wedged a cushion under the head of Lexi's mattress. This was supposed to help her head drain so she would cough less. And whether my wedging had anything to do with it or not, she did cough less! We all slept better last night. I am still a rough-voiced vixen but my sore throat is a bit better and I feel less sorry for myself than yesterday.

Ovens
Just realized that by taking on two housesitting gigs for neighbors I have two extra ovens should I need them when the turkey is cooking. Heh. I never realized it before but luxury = spare ovens. Which reminds me I heard an insipid book review piece on NPR this morning (I accept that this is part of the inevitable buffet of holiday fluff pieces). The comment that got me was the assertion that luxury is not about money but about careful object choice and sincere home economy or something I really couldn't follow. Poppycock, luxury is explicitly about money and having something that most people don't have. The end.

Sparkle and Glow
Our tree is still beautiful. Plus Nod put the spare/unreliable strand of lights out on the little tree-in-a-pot outside and it's gorgeous! I strung up a paper garland across our living room. Because I didn't want to put tape on the painted walls it ended up being a limbo line for the adults. But Nod found a cuphook for the ceiling and now it's less of a finish line tape. He also hung stockings. I have more Christmas glitz than I expected, it's just exactly what I require.

Movie fest continues
Watched It's a Wonderful Life last night. Realized too late that we should have chosen letterbox format - everyone's face was a little stretched. I liked it but not with the fervor of my early 90s self. Now it gets me more that George is stymied every time he tries to leave town. The horror aspect is amusing. It seemed to take a very long time to get to the "good part" with the angel. And can anyone tell me what that thing in the drugstore is? George makes a wish every time he goes past "I wish I had a million dollars" and then pushes the lever and when the flame appears he says "Hot Dog!" like he got his wish. I guess that it's a cigarette lighter for customers, at a convenient height accessible to children of course. And maybe the flint wheel doesn't light every time so that's the uncertainty/will-I-get-my-wish part? The Old Maid and the Cook should be that movie's alternate title, those are the two most cringeworthy elements from a modern perspective. What I still love: George's giddiness when he's restored and his eager acceptance of all the lumps along with all the good parts of his life. "Isn't it wonderful? I'm going to jail!" Like the joy of the reformed Scrooge. (Our Christmas movie fest included the Muppet Christmas Carol with Michael Caine. I liked it okay and might watch it again in the future if I could skip the songs. Paul Williams had nothing to be proud of there.)

More Cooking
Making chicken and dumplings tonight. I have a turkey and a plan (dry brining). I don't have much else for the Christmas day feast but we'll get it together. MIL coming today. Will shop for husband's tools today. He bought something for his mom so I feel like we're closer to done. Time to do a quick blitzkrieg on toilets and sinks and I'll feel ready to host.

Tea
I'm drinking Muscat and Oolong tea. It's a Japanese combination from my coworker. It smells intensely of grapes, like Concord grapes but there is only a slight winy taste to the tea. Very pleasant but as Toshi says, it's too pungent to drink with food. For my tea and cookies I'll have to have some weak to moderate black tea. I'll give some to the girls with milk and sugar cubes too, that's always a big hit.

Precious Sun
I lit a candle for the solstice and am glad to have it behind us. Onward through the cold months. Cosy thoughts to all and to all a good holiday.

Meaning and the Search for it

2010-12-16T20:02:00.000-08:00

Blogging and the meaning of life

Reading blogs is all about control over my experience, and selecting what I read to my own taste. I get to read when I choose to, visit the writers that appeal to me. But as narrow and self determined as all that sounds, it's also a window. It brings me happy accidental discoveries. A blog post that gives me a bright close glimpse of another life is a metaphor for discovering the larger world.

How web hosting works

Whoopee's husband's illustration of how the web and web hosting works (squirrels in tin hats visiting trees).

I love the sincere and hilarious attempt to understand. I think I get it more than Antonia does but I'm not quite there despite the cute squirrels.

Manifest This

Reverb 10 is a site encouraging everyone to "reflect on this year & manifest what's next". I don't like the verb "to manifest" used in terms of self actualization. (If someone is manifesting I expect them to be supernatural or at the very least a conjuror.) But I keep liking the thinking/writing projects created by their clever contributors. I've been reading them because Schmutzie, that fearless self telescoping word wrangler is doing them. The prompt for 12/15: "Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010."

Mind blowing idea. I will try to corral my weak and wandering memory to do this. Remember the letting go of the bankruptcy and the old house. Finally being able to unclench in the new place, in early fall. New friends in our new neighborhood. The girls taking to music lessons like ducks to water. My husband going through his shame and failure and finding a new direction. Remember him rediscovering feelings of worth and satisfaction. Happily I will have my blog posts to fill in the gaps. And good god, that's 59 posts before this one! So remember to be proud of my beach worth of wordy sand castles. Here is Schmutzie's response to this prompt.

Edited to add
I took the meat off of beef shank cuts last night. It was very educational, kind of difficult and a bit disturbing. I am hoping that my pot roast technique (braising in a covered pot with liquid for three hours) will be enough to make it tender. I have bones (with marrow!) left over that I think I should make stock from. Time to consult the Joy of Cooking.

Crumbs

2010-12-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

Random recipes for you. Homemade chicken nuggets from scratch. In case you need to do that. And I found rave reviews of this pot roast recipe. I just bought some shank cuts of beef and am going to try it with them. (There were no boneless short ribs on display and I didn't feel like having a discussion with the butcher.)

After all my media gobbling I have some commenting to do. I completed the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. I really liked the second one, to my surprise. The third one is a hoot just to marvel at everything they threw in. It felt like a food fight conducted with the contents of an entire Luby's cafeteria. And it made about that much sense. But there was some good clever writing when they got to the interesting curlicues of the story. I thought the horror element was surprisingly strong. Here's an intriguing article about horror in reference to two current Oscar contenders, Black Swan and 127 Hours. I don't want to see either one in the theater. I wouldn't mind seeing Black Swan once it's on DVD.

Back to Pirates: I was glad I had my finger on the FF button for some of the naval battle scenes that I found ho hum. But really the sum total was big dumb fun. Such a delicious cast: Geoffrey Rush, Mr. Depp, O. Bloom and I was charmed by my first exposure to Naomie Harris. She plays the voodoo lady/ocean spirit. I liked her better as a sort of Marie le Veau in the second movie. She didn't get to do much in the third. Except grow to be the fifty foot woman and turn into a shower of crustaceans. Oh Keira Knightly, Bill Nighy, Chow Yun Fat and Stellan Skarsgård too, mustn't leave them out. Jack Davenport (excellent!) and the list goes on and on.

More Film
Watched the end of Catch Me If You Can last night with my husband. It's been a long time since we've watched anything together. What a good one that is. Leonardo Di Caprio is a gifted wayward teenager who learns how to impersonate people with a moderate amount of authority (pilots, doctors, lawyers) and forge checks in increasingly elaborate ways. Tom Hanks is the thoroughly uncool FBI agent who knows enough to track and sometimes catch him. And there's even a Christmas theme!

Books
I am disappointed that I have failed to like two more mystery novels by writers new to me. The Case of the Missing Servant by Tarquin Hall (who gets extra points for his supercool name) was reasonably entertaining but I thought it condescended to its characters a bit. I finished it dutifully but don't plan to look for another one. A Fete Worse Than Death, post WWI cosy by Gordon-Smith. I wanted to like it but couldn't muster the interest to even get through it. Cardboardy I'm afraid. Currently I'm reading the latest in Kim Harrison's sexy witch series Black Magic Sanction. Her previous book was a bit limp. If this one doesn't pan out I'm going to go back and read the first three in this alternate magical Cincinnati series again because they were a hilarious good time. I'm also trying to read The Polyglots by William Gerhardi which I found on The Guardian's 100 Comic Novels list. It is a turn of the century satire and much of it I don't have the references to appreciate. But I may muddle through. As my Christmas present to me I bought some $25 hair spray conditioner (eek!) and the latest Terry Pratchett out in paperback Unseen Academicals.

Cooking up Christmas

2010-12-14T14:48:00.000-08:00

For Sunday's potluck I got inspired only an hour before and managed to turn out roasted potatoes and broiled chicken with yogurt and indian spices. They turned out perfectly but I was unable to enjoy them very much due to a side effect of the antibiotic I was on for my skin. I had a metallic taste in my mouth which got worse and worse last week. By Sunday it felt as though I'd burned my tongue on hot chocolate (a frequent childhood occurrence because who can wait for it to cool off?) and it hadn't healed yet. Called my doc yesterday and got switched to tetracycline which may have other side effects. The metallic taste is fading and I look forward to its complete disappearance, perhaps tomorrow.

Yesterday I baked bread. I've been doing five-minutes-a-day bread and it's been wonderful. I use 3 1/2 cups of whole wheat* flour and 3 cups of white flour. I am trying it will less salt and less vinegar because that's a lot. My 'yica' as Bee put it is back so I've been eating plenty of raw dough too. It's chewy yeasty deliciousness. Today I had a sandwich made from the bread I baked and I felt all artisanal. One more modification for the recipe, I don't think it makes enough for three loaves. I think it makes two and a half loaves, and I just want you to be prepared. *It's a little confusing because of the repetition of the words "white" and "wheat" but the whole wheat flour I like to use is King Arthur brand White Whole Wheat flour. It works in all recipes and is the shit.

The Christmas is upon me though I feel washed away by the tide rather than prepared for the journey. Brashly boozy egg nog was crafted and consumed last Friday night and we had a good 15 neighbors to sing carols. The kids were taken to the nearby rec center to run around with a babysitter for a couple of hours to facilitate all this. It was a nice time. I need to get our frequent potlucker Bob to teach me his melody for Green Grow the Rushes O, very different from the one we know.

We got a tree on Sunday, venturing out in the extremely cold wind. Got a deal on the tallest tree I think we've ever had. I assume they guy gave us a deal to get us to buy something and thus justify their time out in the freezing whipping air. The tree is a leetle big for our stand and there was comedy gold as Nod and I tried to get it inserted and upright. I laughed so hard when it fell over on him and all I could see was his legs sticking out from under the horizontal tree. It is fragrant and has great depths: one string of lights hasn't done much for it so it may be time to throw more on there. We've held off on decorating so we can do it as a family tonight. To appease my children who have wanted to put decorations since the moment the tree crossed our threshold, I told them they could put up ten ornaments each. Hearing that Lexi was starting to bargain for more, I told her that if she saw other ornaments she wanted to put up -- no problem -- she could just take the first ten off and put up the others. This has worked surprisingly well. I will put on the xmas music and distribute the eggnog and we'll have that tree glitzed up tonight.

A co worker told me she had finished her xmas shopping last night. She has an excuse, she will be traveling for the hols. I only progressed to definite fear about gifts yesterday but had not done any shopping. Well working with that fear, today I ordered a CD for my mother. It's piano music performed by Dick Hyman who I heard on Prairie Home Companion over the weekend. But it's Bix Beiderbecke tunes and I don't know if that will really be her thing. At any rate, it's better than an empty placeholder. Her birthday (Dec. 28) present is done. I got her a Fuller Brush Man letter opener (red plastic) and a really rocking card (golden retriever standing in Caribbean shallows: Seize the Day, Casually). Now I need to write her a sweet note and get the pkg ready to go out next week.

Oh and the family picture, we haven't managed that yet. And gingerbread cookies. And and and. Good things all and I will concentrate on these achievable goals that bring me pleasure. What a luxury that we don't have to travel over the holidays.

Dressed

2010-12-08T13:25:00.000-08:00

It took me three tries to get my torso dressed Tuesday morning. Third shirt was the charm. I felt pretty dim for needing all those attempts. Any ideas for taking wrinkles out of cashmere? I have a thin green sweater I wanted to wear but its months in the winter storage box have left it too crumpled. Hm Lucky magazine, whoever they are, suggests a medium steam iron but with a damp white cloth between the sweater and the iron. That sounds promising. I settled on a blue striped blouse and a nylon/wool, shawl-collared cardigan. The radio announcer said it was 14F when I woke up.Today I am wearing a new sharp shouldered jacket with a brown and turquoise print and really great ankle boots. Here's to Jennifer who handed me down her shoes.

Tickle in the back of my throat. Result of licking envelopes? Or harbinger of worse to come? Thinking about illness reminds me that over the weekend we had a terrible experience in Target involving vomit which I tell you now so you can skip to the next para. Lexi felt nauseated when we pulled into the parking lot. But then she seemed to perk up a bit once out of the car. I guess I should have turned around and taken her home. But I didn't so she curled up in the basket while Katy shopped with her birthday gift cert. Lexi had not been interested in lunch earlier but ate a late afternoon snack of raw spinach and nuts that she cracked. I don't know if it was the weirdness of that combo or a bad nut or leaf but eventually she barfed over the side of the cart. Lucky for the Target cleaners it was on the linoleum. Sadly for all of my fellow humans in that part of the store, it was green and gross. I notified a clearly disgusted camera counter guy that clean up was required and got the kid to the restroom. She felt better immediately. It felt like an unskilled parenting moment and an iconic parenting moment all at once.

I'm working through the Big Bang Theory first season. It's not as hard as that phrasing made it sound. I read that Wil Wheaton's been doing an evil Wil character there in season 3 and 4. I'm liking them, Jim Parsons is very talented. Having lived in Los Alamos, NM I can opine that physics geeks are generally more grubby and monosyllabic though I can respect the artistic choice to change that up. (Before I obtained my present employment I interviewed for a part time office position with the physics and astronomy department. Interviewing with the chair who had a crappy haircut, highwater pants and a worn thin plaid shirt, I felt right at home.) Watching tv show entertainment without the ads tempts me to down them all in a sitting like eating an entire roll of sweet tarts instead of just five or six. And the library is breathing down my neck. I've been so greedy to watch things that I have them stacked up now and am trying to find the time to see them and then get them returned. Whew such pressures.

Two preposterous names I made up: Pristicod Barebones and Bingo Pete. I don't know why B and P are appealing so strongly today.

My skin is much better. But now I am officially tired of taking the oral antibiotics because I have a metallic taste in my mouth. I noticed it a couple days ago and now am tired of it. Too bad since I'm supposed to take these until January.

A New Tack

2010-12-03T12:44:00.000-08:00

My mother has a diagnosis now and is taking medication and starting to feel better... we think. What a relief. Her doctor thinks some internal lining is inflamed, either heart (pericarditis) or something else. It happened after her stent placement so possibly there was a bacteria or virus brought in during the procedure. Hurray for anti inflammatories and for her not feeling so short of breath that she can't do anything active but just sit quietly. She'll be up and chewing out contractors in no time*.

*If you need a home improvement project accomplished, my mother would be the ultimate supervisor to make sure it got done correctly. She demands results and has extremely high standards (I might say unrealistic stds). I would never want to work for her.

Office xmas decorations are up this morning. The power of suggestion is never lost on me and I am humming carols to myself. Our new office manager told me tales of her family's tradition of going to the forest in Alaska to cut a Christmas tree. Usually it was rainy (she's from Ketchikan, think weather like Seattle only more so, and only a hair's breadth from being Canadian) rather than snowy. She explained that these were always real middle-of-the-forest trees. So they grow in pairs with one flat side and a length of leggy, branchless trunk. In fact she said they were so one-sided that they would put heavy ornaments on the bare side to try and counterweight the tree and keep it from toppling over.

Our tree cutting outing three years ago was so perfect (softly falling snow, pink cheeked little children and all) that I doubt we could match it. I'll probably get a little tree at the hardware store, they have nice ones. I like to get a tree about two weeks from the 25th so not this weekend but next.

Should you need some vicarious foodie joy, go read Katyboo. Her lush descriptions of that tasting menu are very convincing. Crab and paprika had me particularly interested. On a more quotidian food note, I will bake another lasagne tonight. The first one was wonderful and this time I will have some to freeze!

Yesterday evening was strangely shaped. Katy was invited at short notice to go swimming after school as a birthday treat for a classmate. I agreed and sent her off with her suit and towel. I had the classmate's name, her mom's first name and that mom's cell phone. But that's all, I didn't know their address or even their last name. Katy of course had a wonderful time and the mom called us with their address finally so we could collect her. Lexi got a solo piano lesson and then her teacher was headed downtown to see the festival of trees and took Lexi with her for a quick visit. I had about an hour of unexpected kid-free time, it was refreshing. And then I was glad to get them back.

Late autumn

2010-11-30T07:45:00.000-08:00

30 were at dinner in the Common House on Thanksgiving. I was sure there would be more than our two or three families but that was a bigger crowd than I expected. There was enough of everything but not much in the way of leftovers (exception: store-bought pies). My turkey was beautiful and tasted fine I think. The other turkey roaster also made gravy which was perfectly delicious. I *can* make gravy but I regard it as an uphill battle and all I was willing to do was roast the bird this time. Nod announced, as he does every year, roast turkey is so good, why don't we do this more often? I got a few of my cranberries but at the end of the evening the dish was cleaned out. I may have to cook more of them before long. I did make sure to have a turkey sandwich the next day. And then our neighbors used the rest of the meat for turkey tetrazini and had us over for dinner. Excellent dining and socializing. Played Apples to Apples Jr with the kids. Had long lazy mornings on Friday and Saturday. Didn't sell any girl scount cookies.

My bra straps won't stay up. What's wrong with my shoulders? The occasional week of pushups seems to be keeping my bingo wings in check. But the shoulders must be wasting away. Tightening the bra straps *does* seem like the first line of attack. But if that doesn't work I'll be demanding pity for my poor little shrinking shoulders.

My mother went to the ER last week because she felt short of breath and awful. They tested to make sure it wasn't her stent or her heart. It wasn't. They took her off all but two medications. But still she feels crummy, short of breath and not well. I am talking with her every couple of days. I offered to go out there last night but she demurred. I want her to be feeling better.

Snow flakes fluttered this morning as I parked my car at work. It's nothing that will accumulate, just a taste of winter. Nod asked me to drive the kids to school this morning because of the cold wind. They have been walking every morning with a fifth grader neighbor. It's so simple to send them out the door and watch them walk down the block. But then I feel a bit queasy. It makes sense for them to walk the seven blocks to school. But it's hard to give up the certainty of delivering them to the school door. The three kids together, plus two more they meet on the way, are competent to get to school. But what if... Nod says it makes him worry (he's a worrier) and makes him want to give Katy a cell phone. I understand the unease but I think that's an overreaction. Junior high is soon enough for a cell phone!

Edited to add: Go here to read about lots of wonderful new cookbooks. Shauna is very generous with her prose as always. She makes all these books sound great, and they're having a giveaway though I'm not sure how long it lasts.

Abundance

2010-11-22T14:54:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving week. My goal is making my shopping list without getting worried about it. We're staying put and potlucking with those of our neighbors who are doing the same. Should be a fab feast. I'm going to build in some extras: playing games with the kids, a walk before pie, something else physical (juggling? marital relations? paper sculpture?). That way I won't feel like I'm majoring in drudgery. Sometimes housework seems frighteningly simple and appealing. Like easier than talking with other humans. Nope, no attempt to communicate across the gulf for me, I'll just wash these dishes. Good think I don't like cleaning much, so I can work on the eternal struggle to understand and make myself understood to the other primates.

Katy turns nine tomorrow at 8:30 am Pacific time. We had a good kid party at the campus bowling alley yesterday. I feel like I should be good at kid parties by now, we must have had nine so far at least -- where's my callous? It still feels hard. Nonetheless we survived and triumphed and the kids were a great bunch who probably would have been happy shooting rubber bands for two hours, plus a cupcake break and goodie bags. Which gives me an idea, the next party can be a rubber band olympics: shoot at targets, make rubber band balls, etc.

Katy wants more cupcakes for her class tomorrow but while contemplating another evening baking and frosting them I realized that I am done. Maybe I can talk her into oatmeal cookies with 9's frosted on them.

Am trying the application of fig newtons to all my problems.
I find having a package of them in my desk drawer makes life seem better.

I finished the very satisfying Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. Thank you to AM for the encouragement to keep on. By the end I kept thinking the book was hitting good spots to end but it kept wrapping up this and that loose end. I was glad we didn't follow Sammy to LA. His ride westward into the sunset was iconic enough. Delightfully circling, characters who create comic book plots sometimes enact them on purpose and other times accidentally. And both taking the passion and the inspiration of the stories seriously but on the other hand also undercutting the seriousness of "real life". I'm still thinking about it. I hope it was as fun to write as it seems. Chabon's defense of 'escapism' is a beautiful thing although I neglected to write it down before taking the book back to the library. To paraphrase, escapism is what comic books are accused of by their detractors. But what could be more necessary for an adolescent than escape into imagination?

I think I'm reading This Hole We're In by Gabrielle Zevin. It's funny but not broad enough to be reassuring. I'm not enjoying reading about the characters and their plausible crappy decisions leading to debt and stagnation and ongoing difficulties. But I feel drawn to the text, kind of queasily reading along. I haven't decided whether I'll finish it or not. I am there with those characters: well intentioned, wanting to get along, short sighted and plenty selfish. Makes me happy not to be living in Texas. My impression is that the TX version of keeping up with the Joneses is particularly high pressure. Memories of North Star Mall in San Antonio way back in the 80s.

To those in the American Thanksgiving part of the world: feast well and enjoy your gratitude. Get out of the steamy kitchen/dining room/tv room and walk in the cold air for a while.

At An Angle

2010-11-15T14:59:00.000-08:00

Skew
I'm taking antibiotic pills twice a day now after seeing my doctor last week. The skin was continuing to get worse and not better. It was alarming. I'm a little disappointed to resort to the antibiotic big guns. I had been hoping that yogurt or the new moon or a different hormonal nudge would get my face to calm the hell down. But it was not to be cherie. So I've been taking this antibiotic for almost a week now and it's making me feel a little dizzy. Not bad, but off. As though the world had been dialed ten degrees to the right. I'm hoping for results. The area around my nose is a little better. But the results are promised after taking them for two weeks. So I'm planning to celebrate smoother happierskin in another week and a half.

Consensus
I'm learning respect. Yesterday there was a monthly community meeting to talk about budget (due in December) and other regular meeting stuff. Only four of us were there to begin which seemed a bit sad. We got two more people and six was a great improvement over four somehow. There was a discussion of some of the items on the agenda, a refusal to decide on the two substantive items. One person got some resentments off his chest and two things he said made me happier about the whole shebang. One: we're using the process we have in place to make decisions as a group as well as we can. It doesn't make us hypocrites if it's not perfect. He also said that in order to keep the main meetings as short as possible, they chose to have a committees system. That way the details can be hammered out in small groups of presumably interested people and brought to the main meeting just for decision. Are you sleeping peacefully yet? I found it reassuring that there was at least the intention of avoiding extra long main meetings. The we had another lovely potluck which resulted in six pots of soup and no desserts for the first time anyone can remember. Kind of a nice change really. But I realized that what we needed was a soup sampler bowl with individual compartments for five or six different kinds of soup. A specialty ceramic item for the intense potlucker.

Cat pot
I don't see how you could watch these without laughing. I am just using the internet (a.k.a. conduit for funny cat pictures) for its highest use.

Squawk

2010-11-08T15:00:00.000-08:00

I guess the blah blah meta posts come about when the writer wants to see something new on the page but the muse is late with deliveries again. Let's see what I've got in my pockets. We community living hippies are disfunctional. We (most of us) haven't been attending organizing meetings and the budget it needs finishing and there's always something that needs starting or completing. However, we're very good at potlucks. Last night we celebrated the eleventh anniversary of the whole place. Even had some singing which was fun. But the discipline to try and organize life is lacking. The group explicitly chose to use a consensus process. And that just makes me think of endlessly spinning wheels. I'll be attending a committee meeting tomorrow night and then the monthly meeting on Sunday to at least support those who are trying to make things happen. It's a weird dynamic.

Just remembered that we're supposed to be taking girl scout cookie orders this month. I've sent an email at work. We'll tramp the pavement this weekend and see how it goes. Lexi is enjoying her Daisies meetings and Katy is still mad she's not going to her group this year. I think it's fair to trade off since I can only bear to do one group and Nod can't help at all in the evenings this year. I'll strike at fairness even if I inevitably fall short.

I've put up schizo curtains in my bedroom. We had paper shades on the windows since we moved in but last weekend I had the hardware and the gitupandgo to put up curtains. But I didn't have matching curtains. I have one long beige-y panel that reaches to the floor on one side. And a big floral on white pair that come just below the window sill on the other side. I thought it was kind of funny to put them both up. I thought I'd get a strong sense of what I wanted by being able to compare. But I like them both in their own ways. So now what? The floral pair are from the catholic thrift store and unreplicatable. The long panel is from Target and it looks recent enough that I can probably match it. So I guess I've talked myself into using long panels in our room and then I can move the floral over to the guest bedroom which only has one window. But I think I like the short ones best. I persist in waffling.

I have had some more moments of wondering what I am doing in this marriage. I'm not leaving but I am looking for some clarity. I would like to feel I'm not hitting myself in the head repeatedly. I sometimes wonder if I am afraid of competent people and feel better when I'm around the feckless. [The progress report is that Nod is successfully moving through this appliance repair courses and doing his part time job. He says he's encouraged by students who started a semester or two ahead of him who have come back to talk about the job's they've gotten since graduating. The latest crappy development is that his car blew a timing belt on the highway and we had to have a valve rebuilt so that's $2K we weren't budgeting for.] I concluded one tail chasing session with the thought that as long as my spouse isn't keeping me from being myself then I can keep on. It may be rocky and harder than it would be with someone more employed/employable. But at least I can feel like it's an adventure I'm choosing and not a dead-end grinding me down. That there's a pile of rationalization. But there's something to it. Still chasing tail. Ho ho ho.

Weenies

2010-11-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

With scudding clouds and a wind to send the dead leaves swirling, the weather was perfectly Halloweeny. My long week was over on Friday and the costumes were done. I had a relaxed weekend and can carry on for lord's sake. The holiday was satisfying. After a party and going downtown and several blocks of trick or treating, Katy was battling me about knocking at houses which did not have a porch light lit. I can be arbitrary but really, it's an acknowledged rule. Our jack o'lanterns were wonderful. In fact I haven't had enough, I want to light them again tonight and sit outside with the kids. I don't like ghost stories but I suppose that would be the traditional thing to do.

The kids picked what they wanted to be and helped make their costumes this year. They enjoyed dressing up so much! I have pictures, will do the steps to get them up when I can. Katy found plenty of people who knew what a totoro was. And she didn't argue with those who thought she was a bunny. Lexi's enormous lollipop wand made her costume. The first thing I saw her eating out of her candy haul - an itty bitty box of raisins. She's waydorable.

It's blog posting month, I shall have plenty to read. And probably I shall baa right along and post more frequently too. But daily is not to be promised.

Our county voting office has a pretty good website. You can check to see if you are registered to vote. And where your polling place is; and get a sample ballot. But two of us scoured the site looking for the voting hours and couldn't find them anywhere. That's kind of an important piece of information. I emailed the clerk and trust they will update.

Now that the festival of sugar is over, what do we do with these pounds of candy? I am thinking of barter. I'll let the kids eat what they want this week but then I want them to trade me the remaining candy for... Haven't quite got that yet. Maybe a movie outing or something. Hm.

Hurdles looming in November: snack for Lexi's Daisies meeting this Wednesday. Selling girl scout cookies. Katy's birthday party on the 20th. Thanksgiving with the neighbors, we'll be staying here. I wish celebration didn't feel like such a battle to me. I am not a natural hostess. I want to have events and throw parties but I don't know how to get help or make the preparation enjoyable.

From comments at the TV site (they talk about other popculcha but mostly TV) A List of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago, my favorite concept Halloween costume idea. I wish I'd seen it:

"My three-month old niece was a chicken - in a foil covered stroller and with flames around the bottom, so it looked like a pot. My brother and sister-in-law each wore an apron and a chef's hat. It was a giant hit."

My favorite costume at the neighborhood parade was a volcano: hat with flames shooting up, a round grey cloak with red lava felt.

Dragon Gobbling

2010-10-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

Dragon moon
Last night the full moon was hidden behind the clouds when I went out to take some library books back. I kept glancing up to see if it would emerge but I could only see the glow. We are supposed to get rain today and last night was a bit warm and the air felt gentle. No wind on the ground but clouds were slowly moving eastward. When I drove home the moon came out. Now there were breaks in the clouds. They were thinner lacier strips. Watching the bright white disc among the swirls I kept thinking of Chinese dragons playing with their giant pearl. In Chinese folklore dragons are associated with water: rain, rivers, oceans. (The wiki article mentions a Nike ad which showed LeBron James 'slaying a dragon' which was banned in China. Interesting culture clash. No St. George for them.)

I called Nod out to watch the sky with me. I told him that I felt like walking and looking at the sky all night, and singing and crying. It wasn't in the cards. We chatted and I soaked up the moonlight for a while longer. I feel like I'm thrilling to everything, I'm ready to take off emotionally. Then I set aside my wanderlust and went in and made lunches and was fairly responsible. I realized that I don't know many songs with moon related lyrics. I'll have to remedy that.

Extase
While driving to work this morning I sang along with the Fleet Foxes. At the crest of a hill, I saw a flock of black birds flying toward me, passing above the gold leafed trees, against the pink clouds. My heart rose and tears started to come to my eyes. I blinked them back and avoided the pedestrian and went on. I am on the brink, receiving everything with my psychic ears spread like fans. (It would be interesting dancing with fans sticking out from my head. The air resistance would be new and different.) It makes me wonder what my hormone levels are. And how I could get them to be here again.

I remember feeling like this in my teens out in our yard in White Rock, NM. I think it was late summer, the winds were blowing and my white cat was excited too, frisking about. I felt like we could almost mount up into the sky. My hair was blown about and the cat and I were running here and there. It felt like the energy of the earth was moving through me.

Gobbling
I'm reading lots of books at once and trying to watch movies. I miss TV too. I have a great lust to consume entertainment right now. First book is about the Pueblo Revolt, the uprising of farming Indians who lived in settlements called Pueblos (by the Spaniards and now everyone else) in and around present day New Mexico. In 1680, after more than a hundred years of Spanish occupation several of the Pueblos attacked in unison. The Spanish were taken completely by surprise and driven out for twelve years until the reconquest. Right now the author is describing a religious shift towards kachina (or katsina) ceremonies that happened at about the time of the revolt. (Katsinas are intercessors between the people and the gods. There are many and they bring different gifts and stories.) The author is describing petroglyph images from that time that may depict katsina figures. I hadn't heard anything that specific about the images before so I am soaking it in.

I've started Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. It's taking me a while to get going on this one. I loved the Yiddish Policemen's Union so I'm hoping I'll cleave to K&C as well.

I have a stack of mystery novels that may turn out to be disposable. The one I've started with is South Beach Shakedown by Bruns. I had to abandon a cosy (Green Grow the Victims, by Dams) that was set in turn of the century Indiana among Swedish and Irish immigrants. It played too fast and loose with the autonomy and authority of a respectable immigrant female. Disbelief could no longer be suspended.

[Edited to add: South Beach Shakedown was stinky. Not recommended. Fantasy rock n roll writer narrator and his ditsy ex who resolutely ignored large blatant clues for 3/4 of the time. And no humor. Onward.]

Dial it down

2010-10-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

I was delighted to be told I was completely wrong about my toothache. Last week I leapt self pityingly to conclusions as the ache got worse and worse. On Friday morning I was told that the ache was due to the temporary crown being too high. Even though I didn't have pain when I bit down, just later up in my jaw. The technician spent a long time grinding the crown down. And it worked: I didn't have any pain over the weekend. Even better, no root canal or anything like that is in my future. They had to take impressions of all my teeth on Friday because my bite is so wack. I have a very open bite in the front (this means that if I take a bite of a sub sandwich straight on, my front teeth don't meet and I drag a bunch of stuff out of the sandwich rather than bite through it). I can compensate because my side teeth meet, so I just bite with the corner of my mouth and all's well. Apparently my back teeth also come together in a weird way.

So glad to be thoroughly wrong about the cause of the ache. What a relief to have that fixed.

On Schmutzie's blog: "Mid-life crises should be sexier events. ... We should glow like we're giving birth to giant, self-aware manifestations of our true selves. I should have lustrous hair and the chub of fruition." Damn right. Where's my glow?!

Yogurtkin

2010-10-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

The -kin diminutive
Last night en famille we were talking about words and I mentioned that -kin indicated a dimunitive. Nod was surprised to hear it. I was convinced of it but could not come up with good examples. (I was sure 'pumpkin' was not an example of this usage. Squashes do not remind me of little pumps.) But think of nursery rhyme language: thumbkin, your little thumb. I joked with the girls that I could call them Katykin and Lexikin. "Because we're tiny!" shouted Katy. I shouted back, "I didn't mean to make you tiny!" They really are the petite kiddos but full of energy, resilience and smarts. Katy is at least showing some growth since last fall. She's still wearing some of her 6x pants but I am glad to see that they are highwaters on her now. Size 7 fits best for most pants. She turns nine next month.

But back to wordynerdiness. The OED entry taught me this morning that adding -kin was popular to create a diminutive nickname especially for men's names around 1200 to 1400. It also explains the origin of the nickname "Jack" for the given name John. (Jan-kin is nickname that evolved toward Jack.) Oh and it explains another old weird English name to me as well: Dickon, which must be Dick-kin, and stow those wang jokes. The OED tells us that there are other words from the Dutch or of "obscure origin" for which the 'kin does not indicate a diminutive: bodkin, firkin, merkin (hee), jerkin, bumpkin, etc. Pumpkin turns out to be an easier-to-say-for-English-speakers variant on a French name for a large squash: pompion.

Yogurt zealot
After trying to treat my skin with topical yogurt I have decided that it's not a cure all. It did calm down my irritated skin with one application. And I will keep it in mind for that sort of use. But daily application didn't seem to improve anything. So I do *not* have to don a homespun robe and travel the land teaching all and sundry about the healing powers of yogurt. That's good, I really wasn't looking forward to doing it. In conclusion, here's a short short story by John Scalzi about yogurt taking over the Earth.

Autumnal

2010-10-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

In honor of the season of the year where we notice plants dying back and the chill in the air and contemplate our mortality, here's an article on doctors learning to recommend hospice care to patients. Whee! Well, I'm sorry it's not whee! but at least it is by Atul Gawande who writes like butter. He's touchingly honest about how awkward and painful this kind of communication with patients feels to him. He reports his off-putting attempt and then gets a hospice person to tell him better phrasing for these questions. The one that sticks with me is: "If time becomes short, what is most important to you?" Which is something we should be asking ourselves periodically anyway.

As for my own mortality, I have my teeth to remind me. After last week's root canal, I've been getting a toothache from time to time. The nurse told me that there should be no pain. Regular pain meds get rid of it but it keeps coming back. I suspect that things will unroll just like after the last root canal I had five years ago. There is bacteria in the root where there shouldn't be any and I will have to have the endodontist ream it out. I am not kicking up my heels at this prospect. Will see dentist tomorrow for crown fitting so will ask then.

It's been cooler (60s) and it rained Monday. Women on campus are wearing their new fall boots. In related news, I have come up with a new band name I like: Dumb Buckles.

Shauna, the Gluten-Free Girl, and her husband Danny are hosting a picnic at Dolores Park on Sunday, October 17. Here's her entry on their recent NYC picnic. "If you are anywhere near San Francisco this weekend, we are having another picnic on Sunday at noon. In Dolores Park. Bring some gluten-free food to share... We are asking everyone to show up with the words YES or IMAGINE on them somewhere." Could be fun! I'd bring ginger slaw if I was going. Hm, the forecast high for Sunday is only 57. Well, Dolores Pk is protected. And maybe it'll be a little warmer than that.

Octing

2010-10-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

After a month of looking for it, I saw the first tree changing color on our street last week. I squealed and pointed it out for the children. This early maple is already spilling pink leaves on the sidewalk for us to crunch through.

The road refinishing on our street is finally done and it's time to get a celebratory car wash. Getting a little hard to see through the streaky dust on my windows. I am not about to wish for rain. This dry air is so delightful.

I read The Wolves of Wilhoughby Chase by Joan Aiken to my kids and they loved it as much as I hoped they would. Katy told me it was too exciting for bedtime reading. (And though I couldn't argue with that, I was sorry for the delay as I could hardly wait to get to the ending.) We got through it last weekend and now I know where my phantom egg eating orphan comes from. When I was starting to read Jane Eyre last Feb. I wasn't sure I wanted to read about her terrible time as a foster child and at the abusive school. I was sure I remembered an episode where a half starved student eats a raw egg from the henhouse to keep going. Then when I got through reading Jane I was puzzled because there wasn't any egg incident to be found. But it is Bonnie in WoWC who eats raw eggs, not Jane! Anyway, WoWC is good melodrama, everything is over the top and the descriptions are very sensual. At one point the girls have escaped from the orphanage/workhouse with the help of their friend the goose herder. Sylvia is tucked into a donkey-drawn wagon, under down filled quilts and then the live sleepy geese are settled around her. It sounds deliciously cosy and safe especially in contrast with the cold and deprivations they've been through. I wondered if it would all be too much for Lexi but she was interested in the story and just wanted reassurance from time to time that there would be a happy ending. There is and it's a good one.

Dull at work right now. I described the beginning of fall semester as a tidal wave. I think I'm sitting on a sand bar now, at calm low tide. But if I was really on a sand bar I could dig for shells or at least feel the sand between my toes.

Halloween costumes are in the works. I lobbied for Totoro over vampire for Katy. I decided I could live with her being a vamp if she insisted, but she didn't. Now how can we get a tiny red umbrella for her to hold? Lexi has known since August that she would be the Lollipop Princess from Candyland. I'm sewing a skirt that we'll put over a dress she already has and cover with paper lollipops. The crown will be the next piece.

Improbable Tasty Words

2010-09-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

Improbable was Sunday's word of the day. It was a day of sun, bright blue sky, white and gray clouds that looked freshly washed. I got up and asked Nod how we could help each other exercise. He helped me get outside for a walk in the afternoon and then he got his bike ride in. The crisp air (low 70s) and sunshine felt so good. The northern european in me felt that this was the perfect temperature. I started jogging and did 15 or 20 minutes. I have never aspired to be a runner* so it felt very out of character. (*In fact on many occasions I have sworn I would never be a runner. Honestly this was probably an artefact of the cool air and need to kick up my heels. There's only a slight chance I might have to eat those words.) I may look up "Couch to 5K" just to get some stretch ideas and try not to hurt myself. Clarification: I have no desire to run a 5K. But damn, it's hard to beat stepping outside and running for accessible exercise. The paved rail trail near our house is the icing on the cake. Nod said it's mostly a drag having seasonal affective disorder. But on the other hand, we know that whenever he can take a bike ride in the sunshine he will be happy.

We've stopped poisoning the cat. Zing was throwing up everything for a week and after a vet visit didn't offer any clues or treatment besides a nausea suppressor, I decided it was the food we were feeding her. Rather, the cheap kibble that I had mixed with the more expensive kibble. Said cat is better now and it makes me feel good to think that at the least I eliminated it as a possibility. I'd like to keep my cute floofy cat, thank you.

Red nose blues
I've had to stop using my yeast derived face cream. My nose is red and sore and sprouting the occasional zit. I've been dabbing it with neosporin but after some reading this morning will stop. (Overuse of general antibacterial products tending to result in resistant bacteria. Oh right.) Next home remedy I plan to try: yogurt. I will apply it for ten minutes once a day. I may report results if they are exciting.

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And whoa -- I am pretty excited. One application this morning and already things are looking better. Instead of red and shiny all over I just have a deep pink area on one side of the nose. Yogurt = my friend.

Word Juggling for no particular reason Lawyers, Guns and Money :: Ladders, Gums and Nubbin

Dean of Libraries, isn't that a great title? The plural makes it sound like a Tarot card. Five of Wands, Two of Cups, Dean of Libraries...

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Books i've been reading: Tom Holt's humorous fantasy novels. He's a British writer and I read some of his first novels back in the early 80s (Who's Afraid of Beowulf and Expecting Someone Taller I remember as charming). I got an itch to read him again and couldn't find anything although I could see that he's written stacks of books that appear to be fairly popular in the UK. I visited the huge and extremely satisfying used book store Page One Too in Albuquerque and found some of his novels. After reading these two: Here Comes the Sun and Odds and Gods I am underwhelmed. In fact they made me want to read Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett who both write/wrote in the same genre and did it better (sorry Tom). Try some of his earlier stuff if you have a hankering.

My mother's been reading Diary of a Provincial Lady and enjoying it as I knew she would. She doesn't speak French so she's a little frustrated by those untranslated bits.

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Something on Twitter for you: Ruth Bourdain, a mashup of Ruth Reichl and Anthony Bourdain. Here's a quickie interview on Chow.com.

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A pretty tree decorated with a labyrinth.

NMing

2010-09-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

Just checked in online for my Southwest flight. I'll be meeting my brother when I get to the ABQ airport* tomorrow at 4:30. Mom's still moving slowly and letting her bruises heal. It's nice RB can drive me instead of a taxi. I need to find out how he's doing lately. Last I heard he'd thrown over HVAC grunt work for roofing estimates.

*This link about "terminal art" was the best I could find related to the International Sunport. I expected that they would have some sexy photos of the floor-to-ceiling two story observation lounge or some of the other areas. But nothing like that. They are missing a bet and being too modest. I know AM agrees with me that it's a very comfy airport.

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The pilot took us around a towering anvil cloud out of Kansas City. At first a grey layer of cloud obscured the sun with just a chink showing sun bright clouds beyond. Then we curved around and out into the sunshine. The clouds are such a provocation to my brain: they look like substantial sculptures. But they are just plumes and piles of water vapor. Snow, waves, mountains, curtains, clouds are nothing but similes.

Elided previously

2010-09-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

Things I've been mulling over before typing about them: my mother's heart health crisis and Katy's first piano recital that did not go so well.

Mom went to the dog shows over labor day as per usual. This year Token, the small standard poodle, has pretty much opted out of obedience training. She likes the training actually but is not happy in the ring and Mom has decided there's not much point in showing her. Some dogs love to perform and some would rather not, thank you. Risa the plenty big curly coated retriever is the other contender. She's headstrong and not reliable but young yet so Mom has had high hopes. They went unfulfilled over the holiday weekend because Risa didn't pass even one of her classes. It's Utility, the most complicated class with directed jumps and scent articles, so this isn't unprecedented. But it is disappointing. When Mom was telling me about this she mentioned that she'd had some weird chest pressure when she was walking the dog over the weekend too. She was trying to shrug it off. I asked her not to forget about it but ask her doctor. Then on the holiday Monday she had it again, worse.

She said she felt better when she didn't run and then when she didn't walk fast. By Wednesday she told me she was "gliding" - moving carefully and smoothly so as not to feel the pressure. On Thursday she saw her doctor, was sent directly to the heart center and admitted for the night. They told her it was classic coronary artery disease. The next day they did a cardiogram, injecting dye to see exactly which artery was blocked and they placed a stent to clear the block. She was in recovery that afternoon and called me. I was very glad to hear her voice and surprised that she didn't need someone else to call. They kept her one more night and then sent her home. A doctor told her the artery had been 98% blocked.

She's been tended by her friends and neighbors who live on her street. They are kind of a tight bunch of senior citizens. I'm so glad they're all taking care of each other. I asked Mom if she wanted me to move my trip up a week but she said she would be okay and would be happy to see me on the 18th as planned. My brother is going to come down that weekend from Denver too. "I guess he's worried about me" she says. Yes, I think so.

Mom says it felt very surreal to be in the hospital being told she had heart disease and was to have a surgical intervention. I've also had trouble believing all this. As RB said, she's the thin, active one with the low blood pressure. But menopause put an end to the low blood pressure and her activity level doesn't come with any aerobic exercise beyond walking faster than anyone else I've ever known. We're all susceptible to heart disease if we live long enough.

Mom is recovering slowly from the procedure (they go in through a groin artery and access the coronary arteries from there). I'll see her in two days. Whew.

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Katy had her first piano recital and was totally unprepared for the experience. She had been taking piano lessons for all of 8 weeks and had never seen a music recital before. I didn't try to explain it much. She was bored with her piece (Over the Rainbow) by the time of the recital and had stopped practicing it. I didn't nag much because I have more important things to nag about.

On the evening of the recital I insisted that she wear shoes which was perceived as unfair. I had suggested she play through her piece earlier but that was rejected. When when it was her turn, she played the first line or so and then blanked. Even though she was looking at the music, she was very conscious of being in front of an audience and couldn't continue. Her teacher swooped in and joined her on the piano bench and they played the rest together. Katy went back to her seat (a row ahead of us, by herself) and sat stock still until the end of the recital when she came to me and melted down. She was very embarrassed. Several people came over to speak to her and tell her that she'd done just fine and tried to help her feel better. She had a hard time accepting comfort. I tried to get her thinking about the next time and how we could help her be better prepared. Her teacher and I talked to her about the next recital and what she could perform then. I left feeling stymied. Just like with her overreaction to criticism, I felt that I knew exactly the shame she was feeling. And my insight didn't help me to help her.

I looked up music teacher tips for recital preparation. A few days later I talked to Katy about what we'll do differently before the next one. (I think it's good to focus on the next time, getting back on the horse.) I also talked to her about how everyone feels uncomfortable when performing or just before.

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Last night it rained buckets and Katy was out running around with her best friend. At one point she asked to borrow my umbrella. They weren't leaving the complex so after exacting a promise that she would bring it back unharmed, I let her take it. When she got back half an hour later I asked for the umbrella and she froze, then her face crumpled and the wails began. She ran out to look for it but couldn't find it. She came back crying and stammering about how she "didn't mean to lose it!" I was annoyed for a bit. After a few minutes I got over that. I told her that as her daddy says, no one was hurt or bleeding, it was just an ugly old umbrella.

I said she was acting like making a mistake made her a bad person. We had talked about the restaurant routine of announcing "I made a mistake!" to cheers. And I said that I remembered feeling like she does but that I had learned better and I wanted to be able to learn from mistakes without feeling like they were the end of the world. And I believe she got it. I said we'd have to figure out how to help her practice making mistakes so she could get really good at it. It felt as though we'd gotten over a hurdle. We'll probably need to go over it many more times but it's a relief to know we could get there.

Katy's friend Maria found the umbrella and brought it back to me shortly thereafter.

Between the leaves

2010-09-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Notes from the end of August

Revelation
New office mgr at work. After a day where we both were seldom off the phone I showed her one of my scratch sheets covered with names and numbers and things to do and said "I finished everything on here! ...I think!" And she said that was amazing and she didn't know how I did it. She said she was struggling even using lined paper and numbering each item. And a quiet bomb of realization went off in my head. I could enter each caller on a different line! And check them off when I'd finished with them! I still admire my scratch sheets for the random doodle paper coverage that I was able to achieve. But I feel so much more organized now that I'm using a lined pad. What a self limitation that was.

English Civil War
A squishy historical era for me. Knew of Cromwell, learned and then forgot and learned again about the king's execution. Hard to frame - much more complicated to try and digest Parliament, the armies and so on rather than one royal symbol. Am reading Lindsey Davis's Rebels & Traitors which I would recommend although it is giving me the best grasp of that time that I've ever had. Davis has written characters who are affected by the events of the time. That does a good job of drawing one into the action. But there is so much to discuss and such a long list of persons and battles and events she covers that it breaks down. Long swathes of perfectly agreeable narrative and then back to one or another set of her characters. "Meanwhile, back on the ranch..." The seams show and sometimes I wish she'd laid aside the characters and just gone hypothetical and tutorial. "This is how people in Oxford during the last part of the seige might have been faring". I'm cruising through the thousand pages so by the end I will feel that it's kept my reading muscles strong. [I finished it. Ludicrous ending tying all the characters' fates together. Still I don't regret reading it.]

White
Last week a Detroit area blogger wrote how tired she was of the heat. "I am ready to wear something that doesn’t need to be white and absorbent." I can only agree. I put on an acrylic blouse this morning and walked the kids to school. It was grey and in the 70s, more rain is forecast for this afternoon. By the time I got back home I was steamy and realized it just wasn't going to get any better in synthetic fibers. Off it went and I am much happier in cream cotton knit.

Path of blue
It's cooling off here but we're getting rain and muggy before we see cool clear skies. Oh which reminds me, yesterday I saw a reverse contrail, something I'd never seen before. I had to stare at it for a minute or so to be sure what it was, a narrow clear blue path through a thin layer of cloud. Once I found out that it's not "comtrail" it's "contrail", Wikipedia told me many things. The reverse path through the cloud is called a "distrail" (they have a nice photo) and is the effect of hot exhaust consuming the moisture in thin cloud level. The contrail in contrast, is the water vapor laden exhaust condensing at high altitude.

Elements, idyll and correction

2010-09-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

This would be a supremely satisfying amalgam of new media and a lifelong favorite. Mmmm.

Boingboing had my number yesterday. In addition to the above, they also featured this very catchy song about, well, being a dickhead hipster doofus. By linking to boingboing I'm sidestepping the appropriate material question. Be advised that if you don't like the word dickhead you don't want to watch a video entitled "Being A Dickhead's Cool".

This evening after potluck I watched the kids playing over by the treehouse as the sun went down. It looked idyllic. Less than fifteen minutes later I was called out to tend to Lexi because she had rolled off the garden cart Katy was trying to give her a ride on. Lexi's outrage and physical discomfort was soothed by bandaids, ice packs and helping me make oatmeal cookies (with choc. chips except for the four for Katy who is our odd chocolate avoider). Katy's upset and moral discomfort (at having done wrong and contributed to her sister's injuries) was red hot and her father's lecture didn't help much. But baths and cookies eventually did their work and everyone got to bed peacefully. Idylls just aren't very long.

Katy reacts to well-grounded complaints about her behavior with outrage or angry/despairing tears. She reacts like I remember reacting. I was used to being the good kid and whenever I transgressed and was called out for it I found it unbearable. I would burst into loud sobs and retreat. So I can empathize but I don't know how to get through to Katy in the heat of the moment. We want to tell her "x is wrong so please remember not to do that again". But all she hears is "you're wrong and bad because you did x". Any suggestions? Now that I've written that out I see I can try to get across that I am addressing the behavior and not her as a person.

Backalacka

2010-09-09T20:04:00.000-07:00

Getting back in the saddle without much of a place to go. So I'll give the horse her head and see where we end up. Much water is under the bridge. The academic year is well underway at work and things have calmed down.

The girls like their new classes at the new school. What a relief. Nod and I are poised to ding at the teachers and ask for enrichment activities for our little smarties. Lexi especially needs more math. She did math which mostly consisted of copying numbers out and grouping last year. It was dull and repetitive and there's so much more she can do. Katy is enjoying her piano and violin lessons that she started this summer. She had a recital which was painful in several ways but very educational. She is reading music and playing with both hands on the piano. Her violin noises are rudimentary but I love the concentration on her face when she is finding the notes. Lexi has caught the bug a little and just asked me for a piano lesson. She'll try one next week.

My face is broken out in new and unexpected ways. The acne around the nose and mouth I am used to, but above one eyebrow? Quite different and perplexing. I don't think I'm going to try for medical assistance this time. Menopause can't be that far off, can it? Surely that will be one good thing about it. The PMS that accompanied this latest awful breakout was pretty spectacular too. I am lucky that I didn't get us in a car accident when I u-turned on a two lane highway at rush hour last Friday. Not a good moment. My decision making is back to its usual level now and I haven't risked any lives lately.

Have gotten rid of the lice and the fleas. Hoping that a third insect plague is unnecessary.

The cat is cute. Even when she runs out the door while we cuss at her. A week or so ago she ran out when we were leaving the house so she just had to stay out for a couple hours. She doesn't stray far so I no longer worry about losing her. But when she came back that day she had gotten the worst end of a fight. She still has scabs under one side of her jaw and a little one up by her ear. Nod mentioned that our lovable coward cat Jimbo consistently had wounds on his hindquarters when he'd been in a fight. Zing uses a different technique. But it makes me that much more determined to keep her in as much as we can. It's a cat rich environment outside our door.

Zits are bad, bugs are appalling, cats are cute. I'm done for now.

Until done

2010-08-10T06:43:00.000-07:00

It's August and those cicadas are with us after all. I didn't hear a one until after the first of August, they keep a tight calendar. It's baking here which is also right on schedule for this month. I am going to count the days until September 15 which is when we are contractually obligated to have cooler weather here in the NE corner of KS.

The northern Europe bunch did not curl up under the fans and refuse to go anywhere as I feared they might. They reached back to their Texas roots (at least the adults) and appeared to enjoy not having any Welsh drizzle whatsoever in the forecast. We went swimming at the outdoor pool and Lonestar Lake three times. Pretty ideal summer stuff. Sunday's lake swimming included being mobbed by itty little silver fish. We saw a school of 2 to 3 inch fish moving about roiling the surface of the lake. And then when we had forgotten about them they passed between Nod and I, a few of them leaping and bouncing off my shoulder. I shrieked, it was very entertaining.

I love my sis in law, she is brainy and mouthy and very competent. She's also complaining about turning 50 next year. I refused to compare crumbling infrastructure with her. We talked about tequila but only got around to some beer drinking their last night here. The kids got along well and everyone enjoyed the co housing model of nomadic children roaming about and playing. It sounds as though I enjoy my mother in law's company the most of any of us which seems a little odd. I hope the cousins can stay in touch in the future. This made me want to go see them in Wales of course. Which gets more unlikely each time I get to see them (about every two years). Frustrating.

New asst to the dir starting at work this week. Here's to new beginnings.

I tried again to read Jerome K. Jerome's Three Men in a Boat and found it just what I wanted. PGW's debt to him is clear. The purple prose describing the beauties of nature and then author's own skewering of it feel familiar and very well done. A cautionary description of camping in the rain is just the sort of thing I think about when choosing *not* to go camping. It's funny because it's not happening to me! The friends have made it through a miserable night:

"In the morning you are all three speechless, owing to having caught severe colds in the night; you also feel very quarrelsome, and you swear at each other in hoarse whispers during the whole of breakfast time."

I also hooted loudly at a horrendously loud dogfight (just between dogs, not a human-engineered dogfight) being mistaken for either a vestry meeting or a murder.

Week's end

2010-07-31T15:20:00.000-07:00

Much work accomplished at my job this week. I'm rather proud of keeping things going along there. What a relief to have part of this Saturday to myself. Thank you children for sidling off to a neighbor child's house to watch a movie this afternoon. Nod is driving that bus.I've picked up some of the living room and may vacuum after I get a handle on dinner. Whoop!

Next week our relations come to town, Nod's brother and wife and two boys from Wales. And my MIL is driving up from Austin. We're hoping the Douglas County Fair will provide needed thrills beyond downtown, a lake, campus and the occasional ice cream parlor. We'll see how many want to go to the Demolition Derby. I'm opting out and insisting on earplugs for any kids. But at least it's outside so the soundwaves have somewhere to go. I figure the Europeans will be pretty wilted by our heat and humidity. Swimming and icy desserts will be important parts of our plans. I love my sis in law, the cousins get along very well and I am hoping for as good a time as when we saw them in Austin two years ago.

Have you read the Bill Murray interview in GQ? I skipped the link the first couple of times I saw it. But was highly entertained once I cracked and read the thing. If you have enjoyed any of his performances in the past you will enjoy this article.

Time to eat something potato-y, I'm waffling between frittata and potato salad. Oh that's right the kids won't eat potato salad, that makes it easy.

Gravity of the situation

2010-07-23T12:34:00.000-07:00

Can post, will do. All my little notes seems to be about physicality.
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I'm going to start with my decrepitude and write about my clicky kneecaps. Do your knees talk to you? My left one's developed a gentle two stroke krickcrack that I hear whenever I go up stairs (many times a day in our two level house and every trip from the parking lot to my office). Castanets? I think no, the sound is not that ringing, it's closer to dice clicking. And the right has a quieter single crunch that goes away after I warm up. (Now I'm thinking about the sounds ice cubes make in a glass. They sound so different when they're in an empty glass, before the drink is poured. And then once submerged, when they've melted halfway and can move more in the glass. That is a sound I would happily meditate to.) After a month of no exercise whatsoever I have started a few morning stretches again. I'm focused on the leg lifts that are supposed to strengthen the muscles on either side of my knees. I'm wondering whether that will do the trick (oh and losing four or five pounds might help too). Are clicky knees my new normal? Urgh. The only positive spin I can put on this is that it's another excellent reason to exercise. Nine years ago in Oakland I was going to a chiropractor for neck and shoulder stuff but also for knee pain (my worthless memory is refusing to tell me the exact nature of the knee issue). At one appointment the chiro used me rather like a guinea pig with a rare condition, showing a student chiro how my knee cap did a sort of swoop when I bent my leg, instead of sliding in a straight line. I guess I should be glad it hasn't just popped off by now.

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Apparently none of my slight imperfections are enough to preclude a gentle come-on by a young man at the nude swimming lake we visited last weekend. I must allow that it may have been Nod's charisma too, because this guy was chatting us up as a couple. We didn't have any use for him and while we answered his questions briefly, we swam off to deeper (yet simpler) water directly. I was so surprised by the idea of being chatted up and I told Nod I feel pretty much done with the ability to get a reaction with my physical appearance. I am happy I have a relatively strong and healthy body. I even rejoice in it sometimes. But that is separate from feeling like I can get anyone to want to "come up to my place some time". Nod was sweetly appalled and told me that if I want to bed someone else purely in the pursuit of my mojo I should do it. I told him I would take that in the spirit in which it was offered.

The naked lake swimming was wonderful. It was at a nudist/pagan retreat not far from here. So it was fun to visit just so I can say I've been! Very simple and outdoorsy place with cabins, a couple of larger buildings and a man-made lake. I've just read that it was built by nudists in the 40s and then was a Baptist camp in the 50s and more recently there has been some unrest at county meetings about goings-on there. It was a hot clear day with beautiful wisps of clouds to watch overhead. The lake water had that warm on top, cold on the bottom feeling that reminds me of jello layers. The company was too drunk and cruisy to suit me exactly, but it was a small crowd (a dozen besides us) and easy to ignore.
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Dan Savage "For the record: I’m happy to acknowledge that there are lots of good reasons to be monogamous and/or very nearly monogamous, e.g., children and other sexually transmitted infections." That's from last week's Savage Love column. I love it. He is recommending a book titled 'Sex At Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality' which posits that during human evolution monogamy was not the default setting. Whether that sort of speculation has merit or not, I appreciate the message that monogamy is a choice and a distinct effort, it's not something we should assume is easy or inevitable.

Oh and now I've read a pan of the book from a writer I like a lot. Here's Jessa Crispin's reaction to the book. Her bit at the end about the authors' bias towards male sexual satisfaction is a slamdunk. Personally I am over speculative writing on the human evolutionary roots of modern behaviors and conditions. Did prehistoric cultural experiences shape us? Yes! Can we reconstruct them? No!
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In a recent dream I realized that I could choose to point my anxiety outwards instead of inwards. Instead of stressing and feeling very low and tired, I could work out spectacularly well. My brain is telling me it's ready for some muscle endorphins.
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Poked, a Painful Tragedy
One night after dishwashing, I sat myself on the couch and enjoyed alternating between a crossword (gnawing on the bones of a Saturday New York Times puzzle, no I never quite finished it) and a mystery novel. At one point I put my pen down to pick up the book. Wanting to keep ink off the cushions and to keep the pen from rolling back under the cushions, I stuck it, temporarily mind you, between two cushions. Point up. [Ominous thunder effects] The next morning I woke up before my alarm and decided I would float downstairs to read for a bit before beginning my ablutions. Over to the couch I go, bleary and without glasses. Sitting down I feel a sharp pain behind my left thigh -- aaaah! I am off the couch! There's the pen, point up, right where I left it. Laughed at myself despite small puncture wound. I am happy that *I* was the one who reaped the reward of that poor decision. What guilt if someone else in the family had sat on it. Pretty sure my tetanus shot is still current.

Exhale

2010-07-14T14:37:00.000-07:00

It's hot now and muggy. The kind of hot and humid that makes cornfields go crazy. And makes people wilt into sweaty heaps. I imagine being in front of a giant mouth, the air feels like moist hot breath. My husband is going to the lake to swim as soon as I get home to take over the childcare. We went swimming there on July 3rd and it was great. It was overcast that day but our timing was on. A couple of showers came through and we enjoyed the rain on top of the lake. It wasn't enough to get our towels/clothes soaked. We played in the water for two hours before the deluge came and the rain really settled in. It's not rainy now and although the muggy slows me down I'll take it instead of the rainy days.

I was sick for the weekend but it was just a virus. Katy came down with something that might be completely unrelated because how can you tell when the symptoms aren't exactly the same? At any rate she's been feverish for four days. Nod's home with both kids on his day off today. It sounds like her fever's finally gone but I don't want to get my hopes up too high since I was up with her at 5:45 and she needed another dose of fever reducer* then. Come on Katy's Immune System!

*I typed tylenol but do I want to embrace that brand name as noun? and neither acetaminophen nor ibuprofen roll off the tongue although sometimes I need their specificity.

The latest neighborhood meeting scared me a little. There was a particularly divisive issue that got aired and there were hurt feelings and tears and I am getting tired of hearing the phrase "good for the community". It's a very interesting environment. I think I'm cured of wanting to buy in. As I told Nod, I thought living here would be more like how I imagine living in a kibbutz would be (based on very little information) with set rules and a rigorous governing system and significant requirements of residents. But this is more haphazard with good intentions and not a lot of follow through. The tendency seems to be for people to pick something to work on and volunteer at it until they burn out and it's abandoned. Not much structure at all to assign more than one person to a particular task nor a way to hand things off neatly when someone steps away. Nod and I are still enjoying all the good social stuff and trying to do our part to keep the balloon in the air.

That's an itty bitty image from Sushi Cat above. If you need even more feline pachinko goodness there's a sequel: Sushi Cat the Honeymoon.

I've gotten several things moved forward today at work and so am feeling expansive and like I have time to do the blog thing. It's a little unnerving without our office manager. There are some things I have taken over but others I am unsure about. Nothing has exploded yet. Promotion seems to be in the offing. We are anticipating a deluge of a start to the fall semester, having lost an experienced customer service person. It's our busiest time of the year. But I'm looking forward to it. I always enjoy the change of pace (we're usually so quiet in this office) and talking with lots of instructors.

Going to London soon? Even if you're only going in your imagination, like me, here's a wonderful discussion of Things To Do. Read the comments as well. I'm salivating over lots of these ideas. If you go, tell me all about it. Looks like she has a follow up post now specifically about visiting London markets. Sigh.

Before the forth

2010-07-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

In Missouri
The last weekend in June we saw amazing butterflies including Zebra swallowtails and a beautiful black butterfly that I have yet to identify. There doesn't seem to be a "black butterflies" classification and I haven't stumbled across it in any of my web perusing yet. The wings were rich black, the single wedge shape of a Mourning Cloak. With just a narrow band of bright blue at the bottom edges of the wings. Glorious. The closest match I've found is an Eastern Tiger Swallowtail, black form. But I'm not convinced.

Nod and I borrowed bikes and rode south down the Katy Trail on Sunday morning. (Built on the path of the former Missouri-Texas-Kansas railroad known as the Katy.) While Honorary Aunt and Uncle amused the children with a mud fight. I had only walked on the trail before. It is a wondrously flat place to ride a bike. Because Nod has the heart of an adventurer and is a more confident map reader than I, we ventured off the trail to go by a bird sanctuary area and loop down by the river. The farm roads were almost deserted, it was a very good time for car-shy me to ride. Only one open window cussing from a driver! Walking the route we took would have been a miserable trudge in that hot humid morning. But on bikes it was great, we made our own breeze and enjoyed the green of the fields and the enveloping birdsong.

Not Recommended: Dannon Greek yogurt, plain nonfat. It's bitter and quite a disappointment. I avoid nonfat yogurt as a rule because I value taste and a little fat keeps me from feeling empty and crabby so soon after eating. But I thought Dannon could rise above the nonfatness. Not so, bleah. Plus the extra creamy texture promised by the "Greek" tag is not as pleasing as I hoped, it's reminding me of sour cream.

Hair Triumph
I asked my haircutter to make everything shorter and smaller and I really like the results. I had to ask her to cut the bangs back twice and it's finally the shape I wanted. Jessica in the past has made the back of my head look consistently chic and well textured. But somehow she never could get the front up to snuff. She'd scrunch my thick wavy hair and while it looked fine going out of the salon, I would be cutting my own bangs within three days time. Despite this tendency to make me look better going than coming, I treasure Jessica and her amateur astronomer heart and I hope I can be her client for years to come. I never have much confidence in explaining hair shapes to hairdressers. So I regard this win as mostly good fortune, put over the top by firmness. I just made my next appointment, when it really shouldn't be all that grown out. Here's to feeling in control of the hair on my head!

Forth

2010-07-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

I made this big beautiful pie with whipped cream and berries on top for the 4th. I cussed at my pie crust but got that sucker into the pie plate in the end. It was very delicious. We are still awash in humongous cheap blackberries from the grocery store. It must have been a good berry year. And the berry farm south of town sent us an email that their blackberries are coming in this week too. I will not complain.

The 4th was rainy in a big wet way. We had our neighborhood potluck inside with no loss of jollity. Afterward many sat out on the porch enjoying the camaraderie. Until the blowing rain came in under the porch roof and spritzed everyone. The city set its fireworks off at 9:45 anyway. They stuck with their rain-or-shine policy. I heard the booms but didn't miss going to see them. The kids had pooped out about 9p (Katy shrieking and arguing to show me how not tired she was.) Nod went out (in the rain, remember) to see if he could get a good vantage point without going to the park downtown but it was not to be. Then he went to bed so he could get up before 5a and drive the super early morning bus.

The days before the 4th we went out to a fireworks stand that has free camel rides. Because even if you don't want any fireworks (a statement that makes no sense to my gunpowder tripping husband), what is better than a free camel ride?! The two camels on duty were very sweet and neither one bit or spat as far as I could tell. Besides her huge thickly-lashed dark eyes, I noticed that the female had very soft looking fur around her muzzle too. We talked about where we would put pet camels if we brought them home. (You'd have to get both, you wouldn't want one to get lonely.)

Boing, boing, dingdingdingding!

2010-06-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

I have found a cute free pachinko game and I am going to have to ration myself. Sushi Cat!! It took me a bit before I realized that it was pachinko in a new guise. A wibblewobbly round cat guise. With Lucky Cat (Maneki Neko) bonuses! And groovy ska bkgrd music. Very little strategy, lots of watching the jiggly cat circle bounce. Total love. Here's an AV Club review, scroll down, it's the second game. Fond memories of my college roommate's pachinko game (dingdingdingding). Gravity and random rewards are fun.

In the morning I can go walking on a paved trail next to houses and a ditch creek. I only managed it once this week. I'm tired and dragging right now. Maybe I will catch up when Nod gets a real schedule in place. But back to the trail... I feel successful whenever I see animals. Monday’s haul: petite snails, a bunny, a woodpecker, a long tailed poodle, and a pair of hawks (I saw striped tails, maybe Sharp-shinned hawks or Cooper’s hawks).

On Saturday night my husband bravely went to the grocery store so we would have milk in the morning. When he came in he encouraged me to go out and see all the fireflies. I wandered out and could immediately see a few bugs lighting up near the houses, by the shrubs and trees. But when I got out to the trail by the ditch I was amazed. It was a multitude of tiny cool flashes, more than I've ever seen before. There was a great deal of communication going on out there. It was totally worth the three mosquito bites to see it.

I read Shauna James Ahern writing about how because of celiac, one bite of food with wheat in it can make her sick for days. But this sentence just sounded wrong: "90% of the serotonin made in our bodies is created in our intestines." After some googling I find that it is true after all. But the serotonin in the gut regulates the flow of stuff through there, not your mood. It sounds as though this isn't well understood at all yet. Harping on my belief that hormones rule our lives without our knowledge, it's probably got something to do with hormones as well!

The CDSea in England. Good art, man. An arrangement of thousands of shiny donated CDs spread out on a rolling meadow.

And for a parting shot: "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, but Hell’s patio is resurfaced with a nice textured concrete. Contractor did a great job." That's from adamisacson via the Art of Darkness which is good for the Halloween vibe all year 'round.

Gliding

2010-06-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

Most of the money stuff got finished today by noon. What a relief to get that over with and start a fresh weekend. The humidity was so high this afternoon that walking outside my toes in my sandals were sweating. So much water in the air I felt as though I should be looking for the beach. (Perhaps beyond that next cornfield?) We had a pizza and beer picnic in the basement because it was so much cooler than anywhere else.The children did not imbibe but Lexi did have a good time learning how to use a bottle opener. Then we went for a walk. It didn't last long but there were wildflowers and red wing blackbirds and bunnies (large and small) and I truly couldn't ask for anything more.

I am thinking about backing away from serving as a eucharistic visitor for the church. As much as I would enjoy supporting our deacons I don't think I need another responsibility. I need some puttering time, doing little creative projects. Did I mention my giant dancing puppet frame backpack idea? I have a sketch and everything, I just need to find an old frame backpack at a thrift store...

If you like folding paper, imagine the fun of making paper airplanes. Now imagine that you craft your paper airplane and then generate the wave of air that it rides on. This looks like such fun. I've made my first tumbler but haven't gotten the hang of the wave part yet. Thank you to BoingBoing for the link.

Emergency

2010-06-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

Flea Emergency
It's not just my new favorite hypothetical band name. After waking up with an itch and then soothing a child who woke up in the middle of the night with a flea bite I escalated our household to Flea Emergency on Tuesday morning. I do suspect that the nice people at UC Integrated Pest Management have dealt with more vast and disgusting emergencies than ours. But I had lain awake in the night seething and the situation could not stand! UC IPM recommends mostly using the vacuum cleaner and washing machine, with spot use of a pesticide if necessary. I've done seven loads of laundry now and will be vacuuming daily (! Let's just say that's quite a lot more frequently than my usual schedule) where the cat hangs out and around our beds. She's already been Frontlined but that just made them jump into the carpet apparently. Death to the itty bitty little fuckers.

The Big Bus
Nod passed his test, got his learner's permit and got to drive the bus yesterday. He confirmed that it did make him feel a bit like he was seventeen. He's finding the corners and giving hell to orange cones and the occasional curb so far.

A Week Late and Several Somethings Short
Happiest birthday last week to the divine Danish. I am cobbling up a strange handicraft which I will send you with much love. I'm sorry I missed the day. Hope you are well into your celebration of the early 40s.

Cha Ching

2010-06-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

'End of the fiscal year' is a flat phrase that gives no indication of the sweating and sifting that we are doing down here on my end of the accounting totem pole. The worky stuff is in full flower this week and I am excusing myself from posting anything pretty or confessional or intriguing for a while. There, that ought to get me writing again.

I will take a moment to recommend King of Heists. Nod is on a true crime kick and handed it to me when he was done. It's a quick read biography of the man who was the architect (and not coincidentally that was his first career) for the largest bank robberies in New York City and elsewhere in the 1870s. A mostly well written book about a truly fascinating time in American history. It reminded me of Mark Helprin's Winter's Tale with the discussion of the underworld and the teeming filthy conditions of the tenements of NY at that time. Contrasted with the whopping wealth of the thin upper crust. All maintained by the openly corrupt city government (thank you, Boss). It's a bit of a stretch but this time period is also close to the gunfight at the O.K. Corral (1881) which I have been contemplating courtesy of the cheesy goodness of the film Tombstone. Well, really just Val Kilmer's wonderful performance and his truly unique phrasing of Doc Holliday's lines. It was all happening at once, the end of the civil war, western land grab, gold rush, all that jazz. Lots of stepping on others to grab yours. I had never understood the sarcasm of Mark Twain's phrase "The Gilded Age". I just thought 'gilded' meant 'fancy' but of course he meant that the flash and pretty were only skin deep.

Nod's taking his bus driver license exam tomorrow morning. Wish him luck! He may be piloting a city bus this summer. It's his interim part-time employment idea while working out what course of education he will pursue: Master of Social Work or appliance repair. Quite a contrast, no? I am uncertain how to feel about these choices.

Small City Magic

2010-05-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

Last night we walked over to the park to take in the first summer band concert of the season. These concerts start at 8pm which has previously been a little late for our pair of early risers. But they are older now and last night felt like it could be the first of many. The kids can wander around and play with their friends, who are there in droves. There is a fountain to splash in and last night there was a quadrant of happy hippy hula hoopers. There are dogs and babies and flowers. Some boy scouts raise the flag and some girl scouts sell snacks. I saw neighbors and said hi to some moms club folks I hadn't seen in ages. And oh yes, the band was there providing a handy focal point. We chose a spot behind the percussion guys so we got to watch the intricacies of kettle drum, snare, cymbal and bass drum management.

We walked over and were all smitten by the lovely evening, the roses and the happy folks on the lawn. It felt like a good night for some small city magic. Some sort of well-being spell to spread out from the center of the South Park bandstand.Then through leaves I saw the full moon rising. It just couldn't have been any more fortuituous. I imagine a trio of home grown witchy sorts, burning their sage and casting their circle to capture the friendly herd mood and amplify it.

On the walk home we saw our first fireflies of the summer. It was just one of those evenings.

Eat yer greens

2010-05-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

Kale
Eating kale seems like an act of extreme virtue. Maybe even a superhuman effort. It's famous for being full of nutritious vitamins and minerals and green power and fiber and so on. But raw kale is so shrubby and thick, with squeaky tough leaves. I had been avoiding kale because it seemed hard to wash (dirt can hide in all those folds), hard to chop (first removing the tough ribs, then wrangling the curly leaves) and not tasty enough to be worth the trouble. But I've been won over. This pasta/kale/butternut squash/sausage casserole recipe from Pink of Perfection got me started. That recipe also makes whole wheat pasta delicious which is saying something.

And then I had some extra kale hanging around and I remembered this Corn Kale johnny cakes recipe. I made this when Katy was a toddler and I thought she would like it for some reason. She didn't. (maybe I was taken in by the rah rah copy on that webpage) But I loved it and Nod was at least a mild fan so it stayed in my recipe box. Yum. I like how the cornmeal batter gets sort of rubbery when it's fried. (Okay, that's not going to help sell this to anyone else, is it?) Nod likes to put some monterey jack cheese and maybe some salsa with it. But I like them all by themselves. In fact I also made another savory pancake this weekend: vege latkes. Zucchini and potato and onion, panfried up all toasty, spread with sour cream and plain yogurt. So good. I wonder if I would get tired of the all pancake diet. All foods are allowed as long as they can be cooked in little flat cakes.

The kale kick has me feeling triumphant about my foray into virtuous vegetable consumption. Probably the all pancake diet will take the edge off my nutrition halo.

Mother's Pie
Did you see this quote on Mother's Day? "A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." -Tenneva Jordan
I just read it on the Modernity Ward. My favorite commenter on this post heard the quote from another mom she'd just met and it put her back up: "I more or less told her it was stupid, that as a mother I certainly deserve some pie, and then told her my favorite motherhood truism, the one about putting on your own oxygen mask first and then helping your child. We did not become great friends. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Pass me the Cool Whip!" I heartily endorse this reaction even though I will hold out for actual whipped cream.

I have more thoughts about the myriad of opportunities for self sacrifice that motherhood brings. But they are still swirling.

Juggling
I suggested juggling as a friendly anti grief activity to a blogger yesterday. Because it takes concentration and bodily effort and allows for friendly companionship without leaving time for talk about anything deeper than what's falling where. But I realize that social juggling isn't everyone's first thought for grief therapy. My cutely wacky engineer neighbors brought out their juggling toys yesterday evening and I got to try them out. My juggling level is rank beginner who can keep three balls going for a little while. I like the meditative aspect of it. It's good for the upper arms and shoulders. Juggling nerds, my kind of people.

Eleven

2010-05-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

Timing
If I didn't need so much sleep I could, in theory, get more sex. We don't ever manage to have sex at night. Nod's had Wednesdays off lately and we've done well with fast and furious nooners. But I hear that some people get busy at night when the kids are out of the way and things are quiet. Maybe if we go to another room. My bedroom after 9pm means only one thing to me (delicious snoozing).

Concentration
The oil spilling in the Gulf of Mexico has been going on long enough now that I am beginning to be able to think about it. The whole idea makes me feel sick and I was averting my gaze at first. But it turns out that everything gets easier with repetition. I think as I hear that the oil has begun to land on the beaches and animals begin dying the anticipation is over. Now I'm wondering about the next concrete box attempt. I read that this one is nicknamed a "tophat" and will be slowly positioned over the broken well on Thursday. It remains to be seen whether ice crystals will clog this one as well. The AP story describes the problem as "icelike hydrates, a slushy mixture of gas and water" that crystallized on the surfaces of the cover. It's not described very well but I assume that made it impossible to form a seal and to direct the majority of the flow out the top into the waiting pipe. It was a methane crystal that became a bubble that broke the pipeline to begin with. My brain is clumsily trying to imagine methane in the form of slushy crystals under the deep sea floor. One more reason to like this story: I keep reading the phrase "undersea robots". Now if only they were smarter than humans.

Listening
I miss our leaky old house and the way we could listen to storms. The new place is so well sealed that I can barely hear the thunder. Yes, it's probably a good problem to have.

Flourish
A pair of quotes from The Little Nugget by P.G. Wodehouse

1. Dialogue between a freshly engaged couple, discussing semi-dastardly deeds:

"Do you despise me?"
I perspired. I could think of no other reply.

2. Reflection upon the energy level of schoolboys and the need for outdoor time:

There is no pleasanter sight for an assistant-master at a private school than that of a number of boys expending their venom harmlessly in the sunshine.

Light

2010-05-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

Gracious, I'm overdue for an update. Sorry to let you think I was stuck down in the weeds. I have bounced and things roll along pleasingly for the most part.

The spring light has been wonderful. No doubt I am demanding clouds and low pressure by mentioning it but we have had the nicest weather for the past few days. Clear blue skies with occasional cloudlets for decorative purposes only. Not hot but warm and inviting. Aaaah.

Got my blog boots on and moseyed over to the big city to see Bossy and friends last night. It was pretty warm and friendly. I annoyed the pizza waitstaff by blowing bubbles in their food delivery path. Next time I think I would opt for the old man bar instead of the hip rooftop patio. There was a surprising amount of interest last night in the concept of Beet Hummus so there's the link. Isn't it pretty? I'll forward it to Bossy once she is back on solid (not interstate) ground. Ms. Bossy was approachable and just as disgustingly beautiful as her photos would suggest. She and The Subtle Rudder were there to represent the willowy blogger end of the spectrum. What a treat to meet you, TSR! My first RL meeting with online friends. I'm still smiling.

Nod and I went to the monthly neighborhood meeting last Sunday. I had got myself worried about it for some reason. It was so good to get it over with and the unknown dispelled. I learned one more neighbor's name and heard about how the owners discuss/argue about things. It was good information gathering. As renters we vote on some things but not others. We both declined to join a nominating committee but I did volunteer to take notes next time. That's doable. We're launched now in our hippy-sharing-neighborhood-thing. That evening Lexi followed her friend Maria around hunting for ants to go in Maria's "ant camp" (a miniature ant farm). They had the best time collecting ants. Lexi has always been a gleaner. She loves to pick dandelions (yellow or seed heads), find acorns, collect bits of bark, and so on. Time to harness that energy -- I need to find the UPick strawberry farm and figure out when they'll be ready.

Low

2010-04-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

Monday
Are we fired up?! Are we ready for this week?! Bring it on! I want to hear about someone being extra psyched for their regular day. Ready to take on the world. In contrast, I am "a little hung" to quote Auntie Mame (thanks to Tom and Lorenzo of ProjectRungay for reminding me of that quote) after a full blown crying jag yesterday. It was followed by an afternoon nap and predictably that improved things mightily. No cheerleading in my brain, just a hankering for some.

I tried to do it all this weekend and ran into my wall. I tried to juggle kids and time and could not make it to an appointment to volunteer for church. It brought up all my disappointment and frustration. I don't want to be so feeble and limited. I want to be able to reach out and participate in the world. Not have to hide in my cave and recharge. As I was sobbing I realized that I was glad to have tried even with the failing. I suppose I will keep on trying. But I got to retire to my bed and hang out in frustrated-and-sad-dom for a while Sunday afternoon.

Vamp
Just read a funny 5 word summation of Twilight: "Virgin vampire nerds being boring". But this blogger also lists "iced tea" and several other things I like a lot as things he just doesn't understand. So be wary, people.

Stranger
I have done with The Little Stranger and it wasn't my cup of tea. (The link is to an ambivalent review that about matches my reaction.) I didn't have any more nightmares. But I wasn't enjoying these characters all having a long terrible time of it so I skimmed the last half of the book. Skimming makes me feel guilty but I am glad to be done. I also feel a bit dim now that I've finished it. I expected that there would be an important pregnancy subplot to explain the title but I didn't see that at all. It was a very strong portrait of a landed family losing their lands / wealth / standing after WWII. Not to mention their minds and their lives. Would I have found it more entertaining if I was more interested in gothic lit or ghost stories in general? Qui sait. On to other things.

Juggle
I think it's time for me to check the email list and see when our next neighborhood meeting is. And figure out what the birthday party of the weekend entails. Our weekends are so busy. My MIL reminded me that April and May are about as busy as November and December. It's time to gather! and celebrate! and spring clean! and --- leave me alone. I would like to get our bedroom whipped into shape. And I would like to take the girls to see How to Train Your Dragon. These are my lowly ambitions.

Cake and Cake

2010-04-22T14:58:00.000-07:00

Cake! Cream!
We've been eating strawberries since shortly before Easter. They haven't been great but they've been quite a bit better than no berries at all. After reading Sassy Radish's description and seeing that photo I decided I needed to make this Cake with Sherried Berries tout de suite.

I even bought cake flour to make it and I never do that. It turned out so well that I must recommend it to all bipeds. The cream you dress it with is whipped with mascarpone cheese. I hadn't ever worked with that ingredient before but I am a convert. This was butterfat brought to its highest expression. And the simple cake is a delightful manifestation of a stick of butter. All in all it is a transcendant Spring Dairy Fat occurrence sliced and assembled on the plate.

I ran out of sherry so only used half that's called for. I might try using triple sec next time. My cake fell a little in the middle. But I'm told that happens to every man now and again. The taste did not suffer. (I have been reading about sunken cakes and think I will follow baking911.com's creaming the butter and sugar suggestions next time I do this.)

There was lots of cream left over. Lexi wouldn't touch it but liked the cake and berries very well. I thought the cream would break down but it was very stable (that'd be the fat!) and lasted deliciously for four or five days. Wow, after writing about it, I'm almost ready to make it again. And then take it to a potluck. It was way too much cake (and cream!) for just us.

Further Cake
Last Saturday was Lexi's 6th birthday party which was a bit of a re-run of last year. Same location (rec center gymnastics room) same cake (BH&G devil's food). But Lexi did help me frost her cake this year (giant pink star! sprinkles!). And it was a new bunch of friends all from her kindergarten class. Those kids had a great time. They were totally sweet.

I pledge today to start next year's birthday party prep a month in advance so we can have cute invitations and timely mail delivery and so forth. As it was we pulled it out but I am tired of the last minute race. I will add it to my Outlook calendar now for both kids. I hope that good intentions plus calendar massage will get us started sooner next time.

Not Cake
Can't think of much interesting beyond the world of cake. Except the rain outside which is going to make my feet wet. A temporary inconvenience. Oh, and we're going to see if we can turn the old double stroller into a giant fish for this year's Art Tougeau parade in May. More deets to come if our plans come to fruition. It's not a dog cart (that's another post about the cart and the wonderful dog. Plus DIY plans if you're inspired to build your own!) but it still sounds like fun.

Blip

2010-04-20T14:38:00.000-07:00

I may be too scaredy cat to keep reading The Little Stranger. I was so gung ho to start this book after loving Fingersmith. But last weekend I got to the first disturbing manifestation of something eerie in the crumbling mansion. And then I promptly had a nightmare about being harrassed by a ghost. I retreated and went with crossword puzzles and McCall Smith (In the Company of Cheerful Ladies) for a while. I think I will give it one more try before I decide to give up.

Contemplating volcanic ash and its flight canceling effects. Nod told me the story of a flight that experienced all four of its engines going dead after flying through such a cloud in 1982. It's quite a tale. The pilots were able to restart three of the engines after they had cooled and some of the ash had come off. But the windscreen was so badly pitted that they landed blind, with only partially working instruments. This landing was described by the captain as "a bit like negotiating one's way up a badger's arse". That was a British Airways flight if you couldn't tell.

Going to a university production of Anything Goes this Friday. I know plenty of the songs but haven't ever seen the show before. They are promising a stage full of tap dancers, which did not frighten me off. I'm hoping for a slice of pure entertainment pie.

The Nitty

2010-04-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

Nod's been interviewing and exercising and generally being virtuously and productively busy during his "hiatus". We've both been pleasantly surprised that he's gotten several interviews. He's done two second interviews this week. I'm hoping he gets hired for the job here in town. I'm a little afraid he may get hired for the second position that is out toward KC. He's too worried about money to turn down anything. But it's managing a big call-center cube-farm and who the hell wants to do that?

I had been feeling like a cat with all my hair sticking up. But I'm relaxing as I settle in. The routine is coming along and I'm mostly getting enough sleep. It's nice being in the new place. The old place is showing signs of being unoccupied already: the pollen and petal-fall has piled up in corners in the yard. But I'm not feeling that it's such a raw wound. We have access until June, a long time. Time to retrieve the oddments, sell what we can and discard the things with our names on them.

At bottom, I'm worried that we're digging in our claws on a steep incline. We've found a place we can hang on for now. But any new bump will send us skittering further down the prosperity slope. I have a plan to feel a bit more leveled once Nod is employed again.

Oh but here's the part that I'm having trouble thinking about. Nod is looking at the jobs he is currently interviewing for as temporary gigs. He has decided that he should get a masters in Social Work and get a counseling license to start a new career as a counselor. He's done some informational interviews and has a program picked out (at Washburn in Topeka). I asked him whether we could live off of student loans or would need to look for a hovel. He claims that my income, plus a part time job for him plus students loans will keep us away from hoveldom. I wish I felt more enthusiastic about this. I agree that one of us needs more career leverage. But student debt and starting over are daunting me. I guess given the choice between Nod flailing in the sales environment and flailing in counseling I would pick counseling. There now I've rationalized it. And maybe he will whip that degree out and do his internship and pass his licensing exam and build his business and... Where is the career vending machine?

Unrelated
I found Prince of Persia as a flash game. I used to play it on my very first Macintosh. Despite the nostalgia, it is still a solidly annoying game.

Gig, jenny, trap, sulky

2010-04-12T09:04:00.001-07:00

DOG CART!

The Merry Swirl

2010-04-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

Thursday afternoon: I have lots of swirling things to do in the next 36 hours. Lexi's birthday is on Saturday. Oh crap, we need a birthday present. I made some minimalist birthday party invitations at work today, Lexi can decorate them. Recycling from the old house. The rest of the linen closet. A few important things like the framed photos on the mantlepiece, bowls/pans in the kitchen. Oh, I have to transcribe the children's height measurements that are penciled on the wall in the kitchen. Unimportant but I still want them: wrapping paper, sheer curtains. Get caught up on laundry. Muffins for birthday snack at kindergarten. Go to grocery store, get muffin ingredients and fruit for snack too. Bake muffins tonight. Make spaghetti sauce. Frost muffins in the morning. Pack all up so Nod can take them to school.

Friday morning: Got the grocery run and muffins done last night. My low point was at about 10:20p last night when I was ready to pour the batter into the pan and realized that the muffin pans were still at the old house. So I left the batter on the counter and drove over and retrieved that last small pile of kitchen stuff (with a certain amount of cursing under my breath). But I got to bed just before 11:30 so that wasn't so bad. Got up early to frost the little buggers. They are very cute. Some of Lexi's invitations are done and on their way. Her party list is done. I've RSVP'd for the next wave of bday parties. I have a pendant to give her and just need a chain for it. Nod has some other presents squirreled away. We will proceed merrily into this springtime.

"and whatnot"
I have recently become aware that this phrase is being commonly used by people (young than I) when they are trailing off in speech, in place of "etcetera" or "and so on". I heard it from an attorney interviewed on NPR yesterday as well as in the speech of college students. Now that I've noticed it I find it odd because of the quaintness of the word "whatnot". A few years ago I learned that a display cabinet can be called a "whatnot". I just googled the phrase and found a passel* of blogs that are called "XXXXXX and Whatnot" which just reinforces my impression that this is a very popular filler phrase. I will try to be charmed.

*and in the process I looked up 'passel' and was surprised to find that it's a variation of "parcel" (and of course means 'a significant quantity'). I had thought it was more exotic than that. In any case, a passel of something is about the same as a heap of it.

Books
I've been invited back to the Moms and Daughters book club that we dropped out of last fall. They're reading Dahl's BFG for May. I think I'll give it a try. Maybe we can keep up. I'm touched that one of the moms asked us back. I had invited her to a theater event on campus. I'm trying to find some compatriots to go see Anything Goes at the university theatre in a couple of weeks. Nod doesn't like that song in particular (boggles my mind) and is generally not interested in musicals that are not Jesus Christ Superstar so I'm not twisting his arm.

Relocation

2010-04-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was the big moving day. Furniture is all there. Nod found two young men and worked with them for six hours to get it all done. I took a few loads and ferried the children. And fretted and felt grief and shame and dislocation. There are random items in every room of the old house, clamoring to be picked up/thrown out. I would hate to have anyone see it. It is every fault I don't want to show. The new place feels like a nice vacation condo. I woke up with a sinus headache after the first night int he new place and felt distinctly hungover. But a mocha after lunch restored some of my faith in the future. Our neighbors/landlords are friendly and good at fixing things. Our next door neighbor offered to come keep me company at the old house while I shoveled. Very sweet.

Read some blog posts and several reviews of Burton's Alice. No, I'm not in a big hurry to see it. I enjoyed (mostly) his Sweeney Todd but it sent me back to the source material. From what I read, his Alice would do the same. I hear it's dark and a mishmash of the books plus (what sounds to me like an unsatisfying) meta-story. What would I do with Alice on film? Instead of Burton's darkness, use overexposed segues, washing out to white between scenes. Have all the encounters colored but not vividly and with white paper and black ink backgrounds. Even the forests, at least the edges. So inhabit and go beyond the Tenniel illustrations. Would I change the text? Would I cut? It seems so tempting to do a straight read through keeping everything. Mm retention, hoarding, treasure. But then again, how long does a straight reading take? Some scenes would be shorter or longer, some could be told without words. Story boarding the book(s), do I even know how to do that? What themes would I want to draw out? The intrigue and mystery of the dream world. And the practical exasperation of Alice at the nonsense when it goes too far. The melodrama of each character (Mad Hatter sorrowful or bossy or terrified and bootlicking).

Boingboing links to a very early advertisement for the wonders of electricity in the home. The boingboing curator imagines the ramifications of this change:

Finally, I love the last couple pages that allude to the real conflict between man and nature. Forget about simplifying housework. Centralized electricity changed energy production from a difficult, in-home process that kept the messy by-products of progress literally in your face, into something magical that happened when you threw a switch. The choking smoke was still there, but not at your house. There was still heavy labor involved, but it wasn't done by you or your children. For the first time, people were able to pretend that their standard of living was provided, free of downsides, by little elves that lived in the wall. All benefit, no detriment. Action without consequences. In other words, this is the point where everybody went a little bit bonkers.

Last Friday we took the kids and went to a free cultural event on campus, something I yearn to do more of in this town. We went to see the Tuvan musicians Alash Ensemble perform. Tuvan throat singing is folk singing that includes the exotic-to-us ability to sing two tones at once: a growly low drone and a high tone almost like bird song. So wonderful to be in the same room with that. It was packed and we were happy to have spots to sit on the floor. When I took Katy to the restroom later we got to see all the people who were standing all the way out the entrance hall to the exterior doors in order to hear the music. Lexi drooped towards the end but we stayed for everything but the Q&A afterwards. It was delightful music. Absolutely wonderful. I thought a lot about seeing Paul Pena and Kongar-ol Ondar in San Francisco ten years ago. I got to brag about it to someone at this show too ::smug::. This link is to "Ondar videos" including some with Kongar-ol Ondar in his big hat and some with Bady-Dorzhu Ondar as a child and also as an adult (he is in the Alash Ensemble) and maybe some other Ondars I haven't heard of yet. Are the Alash Ensemble coming to your town? Could be, they are heavy on the Nebraska dates on their event list.

Oh! Be sure and try to see Mercury during the next week, just after sundown. It is a rare opportunity to see it at all. It appears below bright venus after the sun gets out of the way. But only for the next week or so. Here's the info from Sky and Telescope.

Too Many Hours?

2010-03-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

Ha ha. Or Nod could get fired and not have to work any hours at all. La catastrophe ferroviaire continue! On with the train wreck! His boss said that he'd never seen anyone try so hard and not get the enrollment numbers they need.

Honestly I am not as upset about this as either he or I expected.We both knew he needed to get out of sales. What kills me is the three years of our lives he wasted on that goose chase. And I am left with the question as to whether he can hold a job for more than six months. But this last position did show that he could get a handle on his stress/depression cycles. He was there, on time, whenever asked. He didn't get insomnia to the point he had to take sick days, etc. So I think he can (hold down a regular job for two years) but I'd love to have empirical evidence.

Alter Ego

2010-03-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

We watched "No Country For Old Men" last weekend. It reminded me quite a bit of Fargo. I liked our mark who went for the money and I liked the aggressively laconic lawman. (Tommy Lee Jones barely moves his face while speaking during this film. I was glad I had a native Texan on hand to translate.) I could barely watch the old man in the highway gas station get menaced by the Bad Guy. And there was plenty of ultraviolence I could have done without just like in Fargo. I think the Coens make decadent art although I'm still trying to define what I mean by that term. They like cinematography. They like suspense. They like making the audience wince or turn away. They have a talent for creating characters we like and root for. (Poor Llewellyn's wife.) There is no beauty or larger meaning to be drawn from any of it as far as I can tell. And I feel a little bad about being entertained by it. I am not sorry I saw it but I wouldn't choose to watch it again. This surprises me because I loved "Blood Simple" as a young person. It seemed so mysterious and funny in between the shocks.

I looked for film reviewers who felt the lack I did. Here's Anthony Lane in The New Yorker, "...there remains a nagging sense that the Coens are not so much investing their emotions in a cinematic genre—in this case, the Western revenge drama—as picking it up, inspecting it, and then setting themselves the task of constructing a perfect copy. Acts of monstrosity are coolly perpetrated throughout, but the resulting film strays beyond cool to the verge of the passionless; if Deakins’s camera leans in close to gaze on damaged flesh (we focus on Chigurh’s leg as he swabs and stitches a gunshot wound), that is not because the Coens harbor any tenderness or pity, still less an urge to lament the legacy of violence. They simply retain a juvenile weakness for gore, challenging us to match their sang-froid and saluting Chigurh himself for showing the way."

And a Chicago reviewer named Michael Phillips wrote: "The Coens may well be interested in the dramatic consequences of the violence. One gets the feeling, though, that they’re more interested in the precise mechanics and capabilities of the stun gun."

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Speaking of violence: three mice down so far. They look like pet mice, grey backs and white bellies. Nod told me he's worried that we'll transport them to the new place. Seems unlikely unless they've nested in the living room furniture or our mattresses. Wait, was that a squeaking noise I heard last night?

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Sunday seems to be the day for the large item moving. Saturday Nod has to work. When I heard this I groaned but honestly his continued employment (by the hard nosed screws who get 55 hours a week out of him) is necessary. I suppose Sunday will be fine. Early Saturday morning I will go to my first pilates class. Ah, that makes me breathe deeper just thinking of it. Then the girls and I will move some things. And take ourselves out to lunch. And when Nod gets done with his work then he can help us move a bunch more and clear paths for the large items to go the next day. I have been making some extensive moving lists here at work. I think I'm going to cut out some newspaper footprints to show the size of our book cases so we can decide what goes where. I'm pretty terrible at mental furniture arrangement otherwise.

We've told the children that we'll be sleeping in the new house by the end of the weekend. I figure their excitement at the new will help us get there.

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A passage from Byatt's The Children's Book that gets something just right:

Dorothy was in that state human beings passed through at the beginning of a love affair, in which they desire to say anything and everything to the beloved, to the alter ego, before they have learned what the real Other can and can't understand, can and can't accept.

Stir Fry du Jour

2010-03-20T17:31:00.000-07:00

So I can look at this again in the future...

3 pork chops, half thawed and cut in small strips
1 carrot in shavings
1 zucchini in thin strips
5 mushrooms

2 garlic cloves, pressed
1" knob of ginger, microplaned
3 green onions, cut small, whites with aromatics, greens with veggies

Meat tossed with generous squirts of Frank's Red Hot sauce, soy sauce, a little rice vinegar, a little molasses and sugar. Marinated while I finished chopping vegetables and got the pan and oil hot. Added aromatics and stirred until the smell got strong. Stir fried the meat mostly done, removed to a plate. Zucchini for a couple of minutes by itself. Then the rest of the veggies. When veggies were cooked, I put the meat back in for a minute or two. We ate it all. The hot sauce didn't provide any kick in the end. The kids weren't wild about it but were grudgingly willing to eat it. I made brown rice to go with and am feeling very amply supplied with nutrition and consequently a little smug.

KU's men's basketball team just lost to Northern Iowa State and is out of March Madness. Shocking.

We got the four or more inches of snow we were forecast last night. That was shocking too. It's snowed most of the day and we have had us some cabin fever. In between separating the children I have made grand strides through The Children's Book and have been enjoying it a great deal. I was wavering about halfway through after the revelation of a particular mistreatment and wondered if I would be left with a very bad taste in my mouth about it. I have been surprised that the theme that disturbed me has been handled so subtly. It had the potential to outweigh all the other elements but somehow she's woven it in. And offered the victims a plausible healing. Brava.

Yesterday morning it was so mild we didn't need coats. A neighbor's crocus were all open: gold, purple and white. I took Lexi over to the new house to play while I finished vacuuming the upstairs. It's new carpet so I'm getting a square foot of carpet fuzz for each room I finish. Lexi had her paper dolls and announced, "Now I'm going to put on her best dress." A little clap accompanied the word "best". I need to scare up the vacuum attachment that will allow me to vacuum the stairs with slightly more ease. I anticipate hating staircase duty but we'll see. I am vowing to make up housework posters to keep it under control and make me feel like I can delegate.

Moving Jane

2010-03-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

Jane Eyre misremembered
I wandered back to the JE text last week because it has been very very quiet at work. I thought I'd give it one more try and see if the childhood persecution was just too much or whether I could get through to Jane's majority unscathed. And I found that her school time was less horrible than I remembered. I was waiting for a particular scene where a semi starved Jane eats a raw egg while tending chickens as part of her school chores. This scene never arrived and so I'm left wondering whether I read it somewhere in Dickens? Or whether my ornery brains came up with it on their own. The semi starvation was there and the worst part was probably that the larger girls bullied the little ones into giving them their food. At the same time I had completely forgotten about the death of Helen Burns which occurs while Jane is curled up sleeping at her side. It's not related as a horrific event but simply sad so that explains why it didn't make my list of Jane's maltreaments. At any rate, Jane is safely launched into the world now and I am relieved to be done with the story of a despised and mistreated child. On to the story of the mistreated madwoman.

Just one room
We moved most of the sunroom contents last weekend. I needed to see some progress and am taking a little encouragement from that particular goal achieved. We went to a quick welcome party on Friday night that was more fun than expected. And the Sunday potluck was jolly too. We are enjoying our new neighbors. Our immediate next door neighbors are two engineers who remind me of people I knew in high school. I am going to have to see how they feel about Boggle. Moving may actually be possible. I'm going to try to take a car load over every day this week.I need to find out whether we can fit the pantry cabinet into our kitchen/eating area. I don't want to do without it. We need a truck reservation. Nod doesn't seem to think this needs to be set up in advance. Sometimes I want to knock briskly on the top of his skull. I've measured windows and am ready to get some coverings. Our new neighbors told us about cheap stick-on paper blinds from Bloodbath and Beyond. So we may start with those until we decide on more permanent steps.

Jane finished
I noticed that Jane's discovered cousins are foils to the unfriendly and unsympathetic cousins (two girls and a boy) she spent early childhood with. The noble godly male cousin vs. the sadistic spoiled male cousin.

Rah Rah patriotism: "for after all, the British peasantry are the best taught, best mannered, most self-respecting of any in Europe" Goes beyond Jane Austen's pride in the English navy. "As she grew up, a sound English education corrected in a great measure her French defects" Ha!

"Reader, I married him." is a justly famous line. So active, proud and confiding. Jane Eyre really is a peculiar character. Pleasingly independent to my feminist notions. She values clear-headed decisions and self determination. She manages to keep her own mind even when her cousin throws all the arguments of heaven at her. Though she was almost worn down by the force of his 'God wants you to' approach. I hadn't remembered one single bit about her Rivers cousins. I wonder what year I read this book before.

Lamby Lion
Spring Break week is almost done. The kids have had a good time at their kids club activities. Katy's at the pool today and Lexi's bowling. Tomorrow I'll take off a little early and we'll go meet a friend at a playground. Gotta get outside before Saturday's snow starts. The March weather is going to do a little whipsawing before we're done. But I see the buds on the trees. There will be leaves in days, maybe hours.

Hope

2010-03-11T12:44:00.000-08:00

Repeated in my head Tuesday morning on the walk to the office, "Let the sticks be sticks and the worms be worms." Had to talk sternly to myself and resist the urge to start rescuing worms. That would be my way of going obsessively off my rocker. Either I would spend every rainy day picking up worms or I would refuse to leave my room for fear of seeing too many worms to save. I've decided that when I do go in for large scale worm rescue I should have a very thin plastic spatula to help me lift them up. With all this worm carnage on the sidewalks why aren't there swarms of robins coming in to feast? Or shrews, or raccoons, or whatever eats worms.

We all attended the second grade music program Monday night. They were more proficient than the kindergartners but also more chatty. In between songs those kids sounded like a flock of parrots up on the risers. I heard one real singing voice and wondered if she'd had lessons.

Our school board has announced that it has decided not to close any schools for next year but to make the budget cuts across the board. So class size will go up by one child and there is an early childhood center that is moving but none the cuts/closings that were most protested will happen (for next year at least). I hope some stressed out parents are feeling relief today. I'm quite surprised really. And proud of the Save Our Neighborhood Schools people. I admire their fire in the belly and wonder why I don't have it. But then sometimes I see them as privileged white people, complaining about resource reduction. Stupid flipfloppy brain.

Here's what I want to dream up. Some sort of bait and switch strategy to motivate Afghanis* at large to treat girls and women better. (*I pick the Afghanis because of the Taliban and their particular targeting of girl's education, but this could be any country particularly oppressive to women.) The US/UN demands some sort of action A. By failing to do A the Afghanis get to assert themselves and thumb their noses at the int'l community. But the sweet tricky beauty part is that by refusing to do A they have to do B instead. And B is secretly the thing that helps girls and women even more than A would have. I need some help with this. I'm in Underpants Gnome territory here but surely there are some huge brains in the world that could dream this up. Something that would enable the Afghanis to say look we do things our own way not yours and see, our girls and women are healthy and happy. To take pride in their well being as their own achievement. Know any Macchiavellis who would be good at this strategizing?

Platform beds. A link to this site hooked me last month. Nod mentioned recently that he's ready for a headboard too. I was looking at the marks on our walls showing where our heads loll when we read in bed. Enough of that. I guess in the new austerity I need to acquire a jar to start saving up for this.

Got up early and made brownies for Nod's birthday this morning. He said he enjoyed the brownie and our cards and apologized for any grumpiness as he was feeling grim about having to be this old. I can only roll my eyes. What, it's injust that you keep aging? I get not enjoying the involuntary metamorphosis but to be actually resentful seems histrionic to me.

Fritinancy corrects Robert Redford's reach for a poetical allusion. I was glad to read these lines from Pope. I only knew the three word phrase which comes to mind so often: Hope springs eternal. But here's the quatrain which expresses in such a pleasing way our inability to settle for the present moment:

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

-Alexander Pope,
An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733

Spring critters

2010-03-08T12:45:00.000-08:00

Clunk. I hear a motor idling, it seems to be the new weekday pre-dawn routine. Somewhere near our house there is a big engine that starts up and idles around 5:30am. Which is 30 annoying minutes before my alarm is set to go. I blink and try to sort out the sounds. Clunk! Is it Katy doing something on the top bunk? Too quiet. Is it the cat trying to go up or down the bunkbed ladder? (Her new trick. Jimbo, our old cat, would never have learned that.) The noise is definitely in the kids' room. One more clunk! and I go to see. There's the cat and there is a mousetrap complete with dead mouse. Zing carried it upstairs to play with in the kids' room. Erg. The good news is that the mouse is completely dead. I woke Katy up by turning on the light and fetching a plastic bag to clear away the remains. She stopped complaining about the bright light once I told her what I was doing.

On Saturday Katy told me she thought she saw a mouse run behind the fridge. I attributed that to her vivid imagination. Then I found the cat in the silverware drawer. Shoo! What do you want in there, silly? And then on Sunday, after ignoring both of them, I found the mouse poops in that drawer. So while I cleaned the drawer and contents, Nod fetched a brace of traps. Sadly, Zing's mousehunting skills seem to consist of 1) staring at the corner cabinet under which there might be a mouse and 2) playing with the corpse. Why do we have a springtime mouse? It's finally nice outside, you stupid rodents.

We also saw our resident yard bunny over the weekend. On Saturday we were all outside. There was a brief standoff while Zing looked at the bunny who looked at the assembled company and finally made a break for it. Zing gave swift chase but the bunny outdistanced her. I think the bunny has had more experience running away than Zing has had hunting.

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I'm going to call a local moving company to get an estimate. My husband's plan for getting our large items moved is sketchy and I want to have a counter proposal ready. Am still trying to work out when we can take up full-time residence. Maybe we'll get beds moved at the end of next week. Then we'll have a week to wait for stove, washer and dryer, and big furniture. This act of contemplation makes me think I should be taking over a load right now. What am I doing at work?!

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Not really recommended: Red Garters. A spoof-western musical from 1954 starting Rosemary Clooney (George's aunt) and embodying the line "Dopey show-girls in gooey gowns." At least those showgirls could dance. It includes a white woman in brown face playing a comic squaw and an actor sporting a terrrrrible Mexican accent. It's all very winky winky. Each gunfighter's outfit matches his horse. But it's in glorious technicolor and once I decided that I was watching it for the costumes and choreography and Clooney's voice, I settled in to enjoy.

Treasure

2010-03-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

I have just this week become aware of the phrase "blood and treasure" which is used to refer to the costs of war by both hawks and doves. I see those words everywhere now. I found a post from someone who's much quicker on the uptake and noticed this phrase four years ago. But I don't buy all his literary and historical sources. Sure, those are no doubt contributors to the trend. But he left out World of Warfare. I really think that gaming has refreshed the concept of 'treasure' in the modern mind. Not sure how to prove that.

I have signed up for a lunch hour exercise class. It is held downtown and I have budgeted ten minutes each way for walking to and fro my office. Today I tried it out and walking very briskly I made it there in 15 min. and back in 18 min. I need to rethink my schedule. But while on the massage table last night (what a good place to cogitate) I had a brainstorm -- maybe I could park downtown and then drive back to campus after my class. If I can find free parking near the building that will work. Further investigation to come.

Child news
Katy announces, "Mom! Good news -- I'm getting more callouses." Just what I was hoping for, how did you know? The milder weather has allowed more playground time so she's working up her palm callouses by swinging from the bars. I remember getting callouses on the backs of my knees from that.

Lexi surveying her paper dolls, "This girl doesn't like to wear a crown. She says it gives her a headache. But all the rest of them like crowns."

Lately Lexi's first job of the day is to ascertain in what order everyone has come downstairs. Usually I'm the first one down but Zing always shoots past my feet to indicate that cat breakfast is an important event. I make it a point not to feed her until after I've eaten but nevertheless she rushes to fly down the stairs before me, giving me a flash of her fluffy pantaloons. Lexi likes to recite, "First was Zing then you, then Daddy, then me and then Katy!" She finds this very satisfying and marvels when the order changes some days.

On Wednesday evening it was mild and there was still sun when I picked the kids up at school. Katy pleaded for more playground time. I said we needed to get dinner and then we could try going back to the schoolyard, but I repeated that there might not be time and it might not happen that evening. After getting some food into the kids Lexi and I were out of steam so I told Katy that no more playground time. She cried for half an hour. I didn't like the tantrum but sympathized with the lust to be outdoors. Yesterday we managed a minimal dinner and then walked back to the playground. The girls shrieked on the slides as the twilight darkened. It was such a worthwhile effort. Hibernation is over!!

Cleared for landing

2010-03-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

Saw two more houses that were much more promising. No mildew smells or leaking ceilings. The first place was on campus, a sweet street I pass on my commute. It was quirky and might have *just* fit us, in a parallel universe wherein we had only one child. I could imagine a bachelor professor having a very charming life there. But it was hard to see how we could squeeze in. In love with the location, I was still doing the mental manipulations, trying to figure how we could pare down to some subset of our current possessions. But then Nod suddenly realized -- no dishwasher! And a tiny kitchenette with no place to put one. So we knew in a moment that there was no way. Thank god. Cooking on that tiny stove might have made me quite mad. I was stunned to realize that I hadn't even noticed the dishwasher lack. Apparently I need a checklist.

Second house was great. Floors refinished and plenty of room. No basement but parking and even a fenced backyard. Nice sized kitchen with decent (full size this time) appliances and good light from windows. But it is in another school district. So we won't take it because we're going to move to the co-housing townhouse.

It is decided and we've signed the papers and attended another potluck and Nod has already moved a couple loads of things we don't need immediately. We were not able to find an acceptable rental house in the current school district. We've done a good search. I can accept this. But I plan to grieve about it for a while. Last week during our parent/teacher conference Katy's 2nd gr teacher suggested we could apply for a transfer. I can't decide that yet. Both kids are testing really high and could use more than just the average curriculum. Lexi's in a second grade reading group and both of them are ready for math beyond their grades. Katy has been in an 'enrichment' group that does more challenging projects in addition to regular coursework. We've verified that there is an 'enrichment coordinator' at the new school. And the school gets good marks otherwise too. But it is the smallest in the county and may be on the chopping block because of the budget shortfall. So maybe we should keep them at a school that is more likely to persist? Pushme Pullyou.

My goal with our move is to have fun with the co housing people. Why not? The girls are excited. There are kids to meet and play with. New toys in the common house. And Lexi's favorite thing is to run back and forth in the empty living room, with occasional leaps.
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Message after logging off LiveJournal: "You've successfully logged out!" Good job, little cupcake. My browser is enjoying the proud satisfaction of a job well done.
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Good news, everyone! Graphic models from last spring showing that reducing CFCs has saved the ozone layer. Next we'll just need a no-impact energy source to be unveiled. Now would be nice, or in the next two or three years. No hurry, just any time within a five year window please.
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I have mentioned before that the remnants of my French language skills allow me to read somewhat fluently -- but I have to move my lips all the while. I find this embarrassing in public but it does allow me the pleasure of the different mouth positions that French uses. From a cooking blog, here is a banal sentence that made me smile and almost purr: "Après ce passage au four, les bananes deviennent translucides et sont enrobées d’un jus sirupeux bien parfumé." Saying the words "sirupeux bien parfumé" is almost like kissing. Yes, I like my oral fixation just fine, thank you.
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More things to lap up. I am coveting and the next best thing to buying is to share. I'm in like with these shiny earrings. Maybe it's the rising sap of the coming spring that makes me want to adorn the lobes. More things to please the ears: I am surprised by how much I love this dj's folk and blue grass show. He sounds like he should have a grey ponytail to me but the photo says no. He's got a music collection that goes back at least twenty five years and he's generous with the info on artists that are performing in the area. I've promised myself the Karan Casey and John Doyle CD Exile's Return for my birthday. Their rendition of "Madam I'm a Darling" has stormed the flimsy castle of my brain. You can listen to it here. And then in another direction there's Ruthie Foster whose neo gospel "Mama Said" made me laugh and want to hear it again. What do you want to hear again and again?

A few

2010-02-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

Turn of the century (1900) French shepherds on stilts and knitting too. Fabulous! Now I want to go striding over the countryside on my stilts. Watch out for low bushes and rabbitholes though, that'd be quite a fall.

Late again, I am going to overcome my habitual resistance and acquire some US history. I've decided to memorize the first ten US presidents and their dates in office. It's the time of year when I feel like doing something 'good for me' in the green vegetables sense. No promises that I'll get out of the 19th century.

Despite the sugar monkey on my back I did not get around to celebrating February 15, Half Off Candy Day. But the day after Easter will come in due time.

Am still wriggling in housing uncertainty. We have two places to see (if the spheres align) this weekend. Must decide by end of February. Thank fod for a deadline.

Three things to intrigue or delight. This blog is doin it rite.

Flat cakes

2010-02-11T15:00:00.000-08:00

I hear that as an Episcopalian I am supposed to eat pancakes on Shrove/Fat Tuesday. I can do that. It's coming right up -- next Tuesday! But I've started early. Here's the Homesick Texan recipe for gingerbread pancakes. It's from the Magnolia Cafe in Austin, a brunchy landmark. My friend SuzTiki sent me to the Magnolia Cafe once upon a time, and I was glad she did. These are not thin little crepe-y pancakes, they are thick with gingerbread spices and butter built in. (But I couldn't commit to so much cloves and nutmeg, I used a scant 1/2 tsp of each. And I added 1/2 tsp salt.) Go forth and pancake.

This picture was so funny - doesn't she look pleased with herself? - that I had to look up la fete de Ste. Catherine and find out what was up. Turns out that there is a French (and specifically Parisian) tradition of honoring Ste. Catherine and all the Catherinettes on November 25. You are a Catherinette if you are a woman of 25 who is not yet married. You get to wear a crazy hat in green and yellow (thus the wacky picture). And drink a lot with your friends. Here is La Coquette (who must be the most jealousy inducing blogger I can think of with her cute enthusiasm and her American/French fashion career) explaining it nicely. Oh and while we're in Paris, let's check in with Stuff Parisians Like because Olivier is still writing wry funny posts and his commenters are bubbly too. Salted caramels must be on the way out.

Yesterday the sky cleared. The temp was in the 20s but oh the relief and joy of seeing the great blue again. I picked up the children yesterday which took a long time because it's always best, they feel, to delay our homecoming until everyone is extra tired and hungry. But when finally we got to our door I saw that the sun had not *quite* set. Thank goodness for nitrogen and whatever else it is that makes that sky blue.

One more link to a poem, of all things, entitled "Nine". Nine is one of my favorite numbers and also one of my favorite words so I was intrigued when I saw Language Hat's recommendation. There is some poetry I am fond of but I'm not much of a poetry consumer. I often find it hard to concentrate and my eyes can start to slide off the text, just like when I read history in high school. But I was all aglow after reading the 27 stanzas of "Nine", a very life affirming poem with repeated reference to death and packed with word play. "Zendo cushion run for it go. Long ago Labrador." That's my kind of tongue play. Ptarmigan turtle blast!

Tacky bumper sticker: Divers Do It Deeper. Very stale 70s schwing vibe, no? I wish I'd had a blue sharpie to trim it down to "Divers Do". That is a much more interesting phrase.

Dripping

2010-02-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

February weekend
Not a magical phrase. I've floated back up from a brief dip into the winter blues pulled down even deeper by foreclosure failure anxiety. Those phenomena are still here but I am not taking them so personally now. I am glad to be back. I haven't seen any snowdrops but I could see the buds at the ends of tree branches last week. That reminds me I should cut back the roses now. February will not last forever.

Good
It took all weekend to complete the preparatory steps (because not having the gumption to go to the grocery store is one of my depression indicators) but Sunday evening I finally roasted a chicken and potatoes. That bird was just as salty, golden, crispy and delicious as I was hoping. The potatoes were not as lemony as last time. Note: poke more holes in the protruding end of the lemon.

Bad *and* Ugly
Visited three rentals two of which smelled of mildew. The brisk dripping of water from the ceiling by the entrance explained that in the first house. Another house featured a washer and dryer that had somehow been wedged behind a toilet and sink making them 1) an eyesore 2) only partially usable as the front-opening dryer door couldn't open all the way and what, did they stand on the toilet to load the washer?? 3) not removable by civilians. Decided that my husband and I are too old to live in any of these places.

The search continues. We may get to see a property this weekend, depending on the availability of the landlords. I am tempted to pin all my hopes on this little house. Such a pig in a poke, I have no idea what its condition is and I am sternly trying to lecture the wild hope out of myself. But it's in such a good location... Back to work I go, winnowing the Craigslist ads.

Genie
Is it possible to put a bunkbed genie back into the bottle? By dint of determined whining and finally covert disassembly of the two beds, Katy convinced us to set up their beds as bunkbeds. This was over my faint objections. Because I am lazy and do not wish to do any climbing in order to change the occasionally wet sheets. What I did not expect was that I have not slept through the night since. Even if she wakes up in time to go to the bathroom, K calls out for an escort as she gets down the ladder. So it's *my* turn to whine. This is taking the edge off my parental scheming powers. How do I undo this? Would the children's howling if we rescind the bunkbeds be worse than interrupted sleep? I'm having a hard time weighing these evils with my diminished capacity.

Errata
Misread newspaper headline: Local bitterness report. That might be interesting to know. Is bitterness going up or down? Is the big city more bitter than the small city?

--Bunkbed update. I told Katy last night about how I hadn't slept well since the onset of bunkbeds and how I didn't know if it could last. I told her to try and get herself to the bathroom without calling me. And she did. Of course then Lexi woke me up to pull up the covers she had kicked off. So I haven't really enjoyed any unbroken sleep yet. But still, it's progress.

Late Luck

2010-02-05T14:19:00.000-08:00

Demons
From boingboing:

In Japan, February 3rd is Setsubun no hi. Technically the day symbolizes the first day of spring, but this year, with snow from Monday night still lingering on rooftops, it hardly felt like it. Most of us who grew up here think of Setsubun simply as the annual bean-throwing festival. It's a sort of follow up to New Years — to bring good luck in and keep bad luck out, we throw roasted soybeans inside and out while reciting the mantra: "Oniwa soto! Fukuwa uchi!" or, Demons out! Good luck in! After the ceremony, everyone gets to eat the same number of soybeans as his or her own age.

I am late this year, but I am going to practice the chant. It's a good idea to shoo those demons out regularly. I have some edamame in the freezer. I'm sure I can eat at least 42.

My father brought home an oni mask from Okinawa. (A bit like these but with a longer nose.) Made of painted plaster, it was too heavy to wear, I'm pretty sure it was just made to decorate the wall. (My mother allowed it to be hung on a home office wall but it was not prominently displayed in our home.) It was red and had fangs and a big old nose. I read now that it's a tengu mask. The tengu is a birdman demon (but it sounds like a friendly demon, which has me confused) mixed up with the story of Buddhist hermit monks who lived alone in the mountains. And then there's the fertility aspect of the big dong nose. And that there is a different symbol set than the one I grew up with.

Jane
I have started to re read Jane Eyre twice now. But I am finding our Jane's hard start in life discouraging. I don't know whether I have the stomach for what's coming: miserable school and chillblains and the stolen egg. Maybe I'll try a different classic instead. I'm also reading Sea of Poppies which reminds me of a Patrick O'Brien novel crossed with a history of the British opium trade in China. Plus Indian characters' points of view. It's good stuff.

Ancient of Entries
"Blogging is for old people." Embracing my maturity, I am proud to have an attention span. According to that study, anyone under 26 is texting, no tweeting or blogging for those younguns. I am curious to see what happens with texting over the next five to ten years. It seems simultaneously very useful, very distracting and very awkward. I will guess that it stays on the scene but evolves. Or will it be overtaken by some other technology?

Goats
Katy keeps getting mine. She's had that ability since she was fourteen months old. Last night I was not at my most diplomatic and a homework session had us complaining at each other. There were raised voices but we quit before the screaming and slamming of doors. The intensity of her negative expressions galls me in some particular way. I need to get a handle on that. Because yelling at my children because they're grumpy or rude isn't going to help. Katy was extra tired last night and once I realized that it helped me not be so reactive. A field trip to the Kansas History Museum in Topeka can exhaust a kid.

Housing
Tomorrow we are going to go around with a real estate person and look at rentals. (As it's been whirling down all day I guess we'll do it in plenty of snow. It changed from rain to snow this morning at about 7am and the snow just poured down. It was beautiful. And slippy getting to work.) We've gotten word that the mortgage holder is not moving quickly and there has been no sheriff's sale yet. So we have at least another month in the house if we want it. Both Nod and I are ready to sign on for a new place. But he is still more willing to leave the school district than I. So I am reading the listings to see if we can find something workable in our current neighborhood. I'm going to keep trying and not get discouraged. Even if I don't find anything at least I will know that I tried.