Wax and Wane

 From The Tomb of Dragons by Katherine Addison:

I said the moon prayers over again. They were prayers that asked for courage and resilience, the strength to keep going as one's fortunes waxed and waned. 

I find the worship of Ulis in this universe appealing. What a good read. The author's thanks at the end of the book says it was a slog to finish. I loved spending more time with the characters and didn't feel the story suffering. Thara's relationships shake out in some unexpected ways. One of which I found a bit tacked on. But the series ending feels like a refreshing opening rather than closure. Happy sigh. 

My daughters will both be with us through the weekend. K arrives today. L leaves for Italy on Sunday. L's study program hasn't given us an invoice to pay and I'm not happy about sending her off without securing her spot. She also needs to communicate with her aunt and uncle and I am going to do more nagging about that today. Travel uncertainty aside, it's a great bday present to have them visit at the same time. 

My right foot has a painful spot on the top. It hurts when I push off from the ball of my foot. I noticed it maybe three weeks ago. Last week I was able to jog on the 13th and noticed it at first but not much when running. Then on the 15th I noticed it during the whole run but it got less as I went on. On Sunday we did a hike and I was limping a bit by the end. Not good. Maybe it could be a hairline fracture? I rolled that foot - not badly, I didn't fall - when jogging a few weeks ago. And I'm taking estrogen suppressant which is supposed to be bad for your bones. I really don't want to go to the doctor for it. But it may come to that. I'm worry I won't be able to hike with K during this visit. 

We had some surprise (to me) rain yesterday and chilly temps which is exciting. We'll be up to 90 by the end of the week so I try to enjoy it as it comes. My hollyhock continues to grow and I hope it will bloom this summer. May blessings to all beings. 

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Updated to add that my foot felt better after a week of rest, no more pain. We went hiking 3 or 4 times with K and had a particularly lovely evening on the Piedra Lisa trail, almost up to the top of the ridge. The clouds were putting on a show, cruising north over the Sandia Crest. We got back to Nod in the parking lot just before dark as the clouds were golden and starting to fade. 

Green stuff

We've had some rain this week. More than 15 drops at a time, even. There's something new coming up in the back flower bed. So exciting to see what will develop. 

My potential hollyhock is small but growing:

To my delight, one of the truckstop cactuses that my MIL gave our kids has been happy enough on the windowsill to send up a flower:

Its sibling has been propped at an angle in a thrift store pot for a while. After noticing the flower I finally potted it properly. We'll see if it feels like growing more now. In between them is a taller cactus that may have belonged to one of the kids. After we moved with the hell-cat Freddie, he bit the top of it. Since then it has put out a bunch of little growths. Kind of cool looking though I'm sorry about the cat assault. 

Staying small

Someone I follow on bluesky wrote that they are deliberately choosing to share small moments from their life right now. This doesn't mean that they aren't aware (upset/nauseated/etc.) by current events. But by communicating some of their every day perspective they are consciously connecting with others that way. Endorsed.

There is a small plant that has sprung up between the gravel at the SE corner of our house. It's next to a large pot that contains prickly pear cactus. Since we moved in, the cactus always looks sad because we don't water it. But it endures because - cactus. I noticed the little plant after the roofers power washed the roof in preparation for our new white latex roof covering. (I think the change to bright white roof is already making the house cooler, thank gods.) I think it may be a hollyhock, one of my favorite non native plants. No idea whether it can survive on that sunniest of corners but I have begun watering it. I'll water it twice a week and the cactus pot once a week and see how it goes.  

We have other plants that appear in the gravel. I pull all the ones with thorns and the fox tail grass. But there is a very fine ornamental grass that has spread from their landscaped locations. I'm not sure if we're going to be able to manage that without poisoning it or re-smothering. The greater likelihood is that the yard will just fill with this ornamental grass because that is the path of least resistance. Doesn't seem like the worst thing. 

The mulberry tree in the front is dropping its catkins, little fingers of plant reproductive material (flowers?). If the winds don't do my work for me, I'll sweep the gravel in a week or so once it's done. 

 

 

Timbre of your limbs

Last week I found a bluesky thread about songs that make you feel warm and safe. What a great thing to think about and the replies are a lovely bouquet. One new-to-me Decemberists song really got to me. I cried hard after hearing this and that was needed. Now I want to sing it to my loved ones.

As I said to people I sent it to - no dismemberments or palanquins in this one. 

So much bad to go around. So much out of my control .Petit Chou works in computer security for county government in another state and says he's expecting bad things coming from the feds to affect his job very soon. I don't know what he sees coming down the pike. Really glad that his band is doing a lot of practice and getting ready for public performances. I can't think of a better alternative to the present awfulness than making music with other people.  

I feel better after hearing from some friends yesterday. (Including the little cabbage. I thought about messaging him earlier but didn't want to pester. Will try less worrying about that.) I've been glum and think part of it is getting away from my jogging routine. Or at least I hope it's as easily fixed as that. I've been taking old-lady-weights classes and it has cockblocked my will to do much else exercise-wise. I will try to jog today and see if I can keep more plates spinning and spirits lifted. Pleased that I'm going to see the Danish and maybe AT tomorrow.

Another depressant was a polite no thank you after a chatty coffee date last weekend. I'm not sure I can do much of this. Still trying to figure out what I want from the process, if anything. Nod is so convinced that this is the way. We are a comedy that's for sure.  

Short and Tall

 <hands over ears>LALALALALALALA

I find I can't take national news seriously right now. I suppose I'll be sad and angry about it later but for now my personal threshold for absurdity has been reached.

I lit a candle yesterday with intention. Watch out. 

My tall Texas college friend shared this song with me. Now that's a sexy breakup song:

Face

Big spring trip to Kansas is over. I am experiencing the settling down after that. Have been melancholy, smug, weepy, content and frustrated so far. A friend sympathized and referred to the dopamine depletion after a trip like this. I've burned through some of the infatuation as expected. Last spring was a coup de foudre. As I told the Danish, I wasn't expecting a boy. (I checked and learned that foudre is "lightning and thunder" the whole phenomenon, éclair is lightning and tonnerre is thunder.) Nod and I are supporting each other, it's good to have understanding company. 

I have a lot of thoughts about what I want to do more of and less of. I wonder if the hormonal roller coaster is dipping now. I am working on saying what I want rather than leveraging acceptance and accommodation. Being an asshole (asking directly and acknowledging that this can hurt others' feelings) can be helpful for everyone, as V says. 

The current national crisis doesn't help lift me from a low mood. I skim bluesky and read some news there when I'm feeling up to it. Other days I concentrate on the personal stories, art, pets and nature photography instead. Yesterday I walked with a friend and went jogging for the first time in a couple weeks. Daylight, social contact, fresh air and exercise continue to have their boring helpful effects.       

The skin on and around my nose has been reactive for a long time, some redness, pimples, dryness. I assumed it was a combination of the rosacea and maybe some fungus. (Gah! so gross. I treated it.) I'm trying more moisture. I'm going to rinse or wash my face morning and evening and put on some jojoba as well as moisturizer. I will check in after a week. More moisture for desert living.

I ran into this Annunciation by Jan van Eyck and am still thinking about it. I won't include the whole image as it's tall and thin, assumed to be the left side of a triptych whose other pieces are lost. "Oil on canvas transferred from panel" how is that possible? I'll have to ask the art conservator daughter. Here's a detail:

My repost comment: 

This one is wild. The overloaded angel (big smile, crown, rainbo wings, rock crystal rod) and the plainest Mary I've seen in a long time with a gilt target line where the holy spirit dove is going to hit her right on top of her head. Oh those windows in the bkgrd. 

The National Gallery write up points out that Mary and her angel are larger than human size within this church setting. The Wikipedia article lists more details about the roof, floor, windows and walls. This thing is vibrating with symbolism. Oh those ecstatic Dutch religious painters. I love all the meanings but also don't like the figures in this painting, what a combination.   

    

Comics

I'm having a great time with comedian Gianmarco Soresi's podcast The Downside on youtube. Yesterday I watched his interview with Yamaneika Saunders who is effervescent even when low on iron. The first one I watched was his interview with Brennan Lee Mulligan, professional D&D dungeon master. I kind of love this exists as a job. There are some fun Jeff Goldblum anecdotes at about an hour in. I liked how Mulligan described how his mother's drugs and alcohol talk during his teens has stuck with him. She referred to an incident involving one of their relatives and told him that he had particular risk for addiction because of his genetics. She said that of course alcohol and drugs are fun and asked him how many of his classmates were already indulging. He said he knew about ten people at that point. She told him that one of the ten will just disappear in the future and he'd be sad about that disappearance for the rest of his life. I'm not a teetotaller but that is memorable! 

Last night we watched Rosebud Baker's special on Netflix which was filmed when she was eight months pregnant and also when she was a year post partum. It was a little jarring at first, I had to rewind when the first jump happened to make sure I hadn't missed something. I howled at a couple of her barbs. One of my favorites was her story of her hairdresser who went in for QAnon. RB talked about the belief that a vast group of very rich people were drinking children's blood to stay young. She said 'I was raised by rich people and first of all, they're not touching anyone's children. That sounds like something poor people would believe." Oh the perfect classism. She described her career as "angry bar clown" which is a fun precis for comedian. 

Went to see Brian Posehn last week with Japan and Denmark at the casino comedy club. He and his opener were both fun, very Gen X evening. I remember BP from character actor work in sitcoms in the late 90s, early 00s. He can certainly tell a story. We missed out on Margaret Cho tickets, she sold out as well she should. I'm hoping to see Brian Simpson in a few weeks.    

May we all laugh more than we cry in the next month.