Friday, August 15, 2014

Exhale slowly

Relaxing more into the new job. First workshop for me to assist with is next Friday and I've stopped getting the adrenaline rush (shallow breaths, alarmed guts) just thinking about it. I won't present, just smile supportively and answer questions if asked. I'll attend some other sessions next week and then get more experience by setting up the a/v equipment and so on. I was told it would be a gradual process but was afraid of being dropped into the deep end and revealing my incompetencies. Funny to see my brain ignore information because of Fear. The other parts are going well, I can tell I'm taking up some slack and giving the team some ability to do more. My manager is overwhelmed, I wonder if that is a constant state or if it will settle out during the semester.

We're moving. Is this because my summer of responsibility is not a summer after all but a new era? The plan is to sign a lease this weekend to start September 15. A week or so ago I saw a for rent sign on one of my top pick blocks for relocating. I didn't want to move in August but took down the info anyway. We are friends with two other families on this block. It's just over the district line so in the fullness of time our girls can go to the high school near the campus where I work. They will keep going to their current elementary and middle schools. In fact Kat will be moving closer so she'll have a half block walk to middle school. Bun will add three blocks her her school walk and I'm a bit concerned. But there are possibilities... curtailing overly detailed discussion of complicated child delivery systems.

We went to see the house and it's everything I want. It has hard wood floors, 3BR, 2BA, garage, fenced backyard, full basement and locationlocationlocation. It's small, I don't want anything too big to clean. But enough room for me. I think it will be a bit small for Nod. He may feel constrained. What he told me was that it lacks some elements in his sweet spot: a porch being first on the list. It's a single level ranch which is his least favorite design and the layout reminds us both of his mother's house (oy!). But he said he can tell how much the rest of us like it and he is willing to defer to our desires. The rent is just slightly more than we pay now. The landlord seems conscientious and maybe even sweet. She and partner lived in the house until they moved to the country. It's been rented to just one family for the last five years. Everything is in good condition (better condition than I had hoped for in a rental) except for a roof issue that is being dealt with.

We are ready to move out of the co housing place. I will be sad to say goodbye to the network we have been participating in for more than four years. But I will be glad to let go of the crankiness and the uncertainty of group decision making. Namaste to my neighbs. I hope to participate in some things in the future there. But I realize that we have experienced hurt feelings when people have moved out so I should expect that to happen to those we are bidding farewell.

I am remembering that good stress is still stress. I went walkjogging twice this week, probably should have gone this morning. My favorite part of exercising in the morning is when I get home and bend over at the waist. I keep my knees as straight as possible and take several breaths until I can touch the floor. I visualize my lower back releasing and extending. It feels great. Maybe I am learning to take on more responsibility and have a more active role in navigating life. Curious. I've heard that hormonal changes at my time of life may result in lowered female hormones and higher expression of male hormones. My yang age? If true this trend will be interesting to combine with my self image as a grumpy rabbit.

Start of school has exhausted the kids but I think they are happy to have new things to think about. Kat is also very excited about packing. She asked me to go to the liquor store to ask for boxes a few nights ago. We have filled a few. The kids have packed all the important stuffed animals that they won't need until late September.

Friday, August 8, 2014


Wish I had time to fiddle with bkgrd image but nope. Just dumping for now. Have been reluctant to take much responsibility in the work setting before now. Part was not wanting to be wrong, not wanting to be point person, impose my will on others. Part was entirely selfish, save my attention and energy for my own stuff. I need plenty of that, I am not a high energy person, there is a limited amount to go around. I like to do things over and over until I am comfortable with them before pressure is applied.

I was worried about having to step in as the instructor of training workshops. That may not be this month but will happen eventually. I do not feel fluent with PowerPoint or presentation equipment so it feels like a big step. For now I am using tools I am mostly familiar with and trying to cram as much Blackboard info into my head as I can. That feels like more solid ground.

This NPR story yesterday evening left me gobsmacked. Four months of walking for an hour a day did not affect the participants' blood sugar levels. Only the ones doing alternated high/low effort walking showed good results. No wonder I had to add some jogging to get any results, walking by itself just wasn't getting much reaction from my body.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014


Living with stress, how do people do it? I had to go to bed at 9p on Monday evening. I got through some difficult calls and have learned by doing a few things the hard way. I can look forward to more of that. I think I have shed Monday's load of 'am I good enough?' and am feeling like I can do a few things to earn my hay.

Kids and husband are being very supportive. Even the dog and cat seem particularly affectionate. 90 days is my goal and I think I need to take it month by month. Getting through August will make me feel proud. September and October are fairly unimaginable right now.

Realizing that I have never sought challenge in my jobs and there may be perfectly good psychological reasons for that. Having to stretch is ...interesting.

Have hit the part of the summer where I just want the A/C to work and I don't want to be bitten by mosquitoes. Nod has been going to the pool, he loves to get in the water. His work van has no A/C at the moment and I think that's a scandal.

Friday, July 25, 2014


Today we went to the appointment for Kat's last vaccination required until she is 18. No matter what happened I offered her that full five year span of no needle pricks to latch onto. I made sure to ask about the topical anesthetic spray or salve, both when I confirmed the appointment and when we arrived this morning. It was two injections and they had two nurses available to do them simultaneously. After the freezy spray Kat leaked a few tears from the anticipation but then it was over in a flash. And she reports that it DID NOT HURT. We'd both like to rewind the last 18 months and use that spray liberally and faithfully for all her injections. Ethyl Chloride spray, by prescription only, is our new friend. Sorry to have found it for the last one, baby. But better late than never. Godalmighty when is the dang needle-less Star Trek spray injection system going to be available? Dunkin Donuts afterwards.

Bad or baffling flag design blog? Yes, please! Here you are. From metafilter, why shop anywhere else?

KC Royals went 14 innings to win 2 to 1 over (Detroit if only!) Clevland last night. So glad I turned it off at 10:15pm. But yay, another win!

Thursday, July 24, 2014


Went to San Francisco and ate it up. The middle aged folks dressed up for the fairytale wedding was more fun than I expected. Lots of enthusiasm and what a sweet ceremony.

Posting may be light as I step out onto the new job's tightrope. Grieving is abated and I have thought of some new reasons to look forward with hope.

Here's a Guardian article discussing water usage and the modern toilet/shower/bathroom. Found on Metafilter which features a wider discussion and although plenty of the comments boil down to  'yer doin it wrong' I still found it worth reading.

Pattern for tote bag. This is just what I was looking for...

Friday, July 11, 2014


Well, bust my buttons. I've been made a job offer including a respectable salary amount. I asked for 24 hours to be in a daze, then gave them my yes answer this morning. This is a job I will need to do homework for. It may be stressful. It is a real professional position with growth possibilities. Goggle eyed. Currently grieving for my current job. And worried about how I get the knowledge I need to use for the new one.

Going to SF for a wedding next week. I could use something fancy to wear on the top. Guess it's this weekend or never.

Woke up at 4am ish thinking of job and pet meds and now I am wired tired.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Lesser pitch

Summer frenzy continues but perhaps dialed down a few notches. My job application seems to have fizzled because candidates with actual training background materialized. I interviewed but it seems unlikely that I'll get the call unless all the qualified applicants laugh at the salary offer. Which is not impossible so I'll keep half an eye open. I will continue to cross-train for this department and I may get hired that way after they provide me with some real experience.

The girls played against each in other last night's softball game. It wasn't a brilliant outing for either. Kat's team was the victor and it was hot and muggy and I did not enjoy. Bun has successfully lost her mitt, she was lucky to be able to borrow our next-door neighbor's for the game. Only one more game for each of them next week. I feel that I must look on the bright side: a) it was over fairly quickly and b) we've been lucky and had a fairly cool summer so far, all the other games have been more enjoyable.

The long weekend was long for the kids. They are tired of unstructured time, it especially wears on Kat's nerves. She was following her sister around and being obnoxious one morning. When ordered to keep away was tearful and angry. "I hate summer!" said she. The next day Bun was off with a friend. We took Kat to the pool with her own friend and they met another pal there and it was a good thing.

The little dogs' owners are home. Whew! They definitely grew on me during our time of responsibility. Considering Snickers' love for all of them (quite unreturned) I would be tempted to get her a little dog of her very own. But only if: fenced yard, locating another non-barking dog, etc. etc. I went walk/jogging Monday morning to celebrate my freedom. It was sprinkling and quite pleasant. I feel guilty that I did not get out this morning but am making an effort to set that aside and see what I can do later. Perhaps some mowing will satisfy my inner Puritan.

I am bracing myself for the two and a half weeks of library closure before the new building is open. I've abandoned several books so far and completed a slew. I am halfway through Full Dark House and still a little confused. I expected paranormal mystery in an alternate universe. But the cover stresses that it is a locked room mystery and despite my resistance I have to admit that's what it is so far. It has a bit of atmospherically embodied evil but it's set in our own universe. I'm disappointed not to be reading an alternate Blitz story. This book's not terrible, I think I'll finish it but skim over all the elaborate details about the layout of the theatre and who was where, when. Don't care, give me characters and some dramatic moments please. Planning to jump into Nicola Barker's Darkmans next. But oh crap, now I see, that's book #3 in a series. Must find #1 which isn't in the city library's collection even though they have #2 and #3. Grr. The university library does have it so I'll make the hike.

Adventures in unsuitable movie watching for the family: Anchorman. Three of us watched Anchorman II on the flight to Europe so there was some curiosity about the first one. Bun was the odd one out and didn't get much of the movie but I don't think it will stunt her growth. It was a bit embarrassing but we all survived and agreed that II was better than I.